Losing the will to live - 19 month old refusing bedtime

[Puffinpeter1]

Hi,

My 19 month old DS isn’t going to sleep at night until around 10pm! It’s so frustrating as it means I get no evening at all.

He has one nap a day, has done since about 15 months. On three mornings a week I pick him up from nursery at 1pm, he then naps at home for an hour so is waking latest 2:30pm (I’ve had to start capping the nap at an hour otherwise bedtime would be even later!) On non-nursery says he sleeps earlier, more like 12:30-1:30.

We then have our afternoon, tea at 5:30pm, bath at 7pm, into bed for stories at 7:30pm and lights out 8pm. He just will not go to sleep until 10pm!!!

He sits up to chat, walks around etc. I’ve tried the method of laying him back down and saying it’s bedtime now every time he gets up, but he just gets more and more furious to the point where he’s screaming and then there’s no chance he’s going to go to sleep.

He’s waking around 7:30-8am. Obviously on nursery days I can’t bring his nap any earlier because of my work. He also absolutely refuses to nap at nursery if they try him earlier.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? 19months seems wayyyy to early to drop and nap, and he needs it as otherwise he’s falling asleep whilst playing at 4pm!

Just putting out there that I 100% will not do cry it out. I’d rather just not have an evening.

Thank you.

*following

Will he not nap at nursery?

@Sunshineclouds11

I’m not sure, when we started him there they said they do naps after lunch. And lunch isn’t until 12pm! So he’d probably only be going down for a nap at 12:30 and then I’d be collecting him at 1pm.

I might have to see if I can change my working hours and condense his time into two longer days rather than three mornings. Then he can nap there straight after lunch with the other kids and I’ll pick him up afterwards?

I think a lot depends on whether he actually needs more sleep or not, which we can't judge online. My DS who is 18mo will only sleep on average 11 hours in 24 (typically 8:30-6 overnight, maybe a little later in the morning if he's been up in the night, which he often is, plus a 90 minutes nap at about 12 (nursery lunch is at 11:30). We cap the nap otherwise he won't sleep in the evening and I suspect we'll need to shorten it soon). That's below average but about what your DS has at present.

But my DS has always needed less sleep than both the average for his age and than his older brother had at the same age, plus he seems happy and well rested during the day. If your son is happy enough with the current amount of sleep, it's more a case of tailoring it to when you'd like it to happen - we had to accept our son was never going to sleep early in the evening if he slept in in the morning, so we went for a bedtime that still gave us a bit of evening but didn't give us too brutally early a start in the morning and fitted around our other commitments. So if you prefer a 7:30-8am start, the late nights might be the price you pay. Kids, eh?!

If you think he is overtired and grumpy though, or he's typically slept much longer in the past and does need that extra sleep, then none of the above applies and some of the other tips from PP will be the way to go! Good luck.

As other posters have said, we can't gauge online what his needs are. The average baby his age would need more sleep than he was having but yours might not. The fact you said he falls asleep at 4pm if he naps less suggests he is tired and needs more sleep - is he happy settled with less or no nap, or is he cranky?

You do need to give any change more than a few days to see if it's helping. If you want an early bedtime you have to have an early ish start. Most would only sleep for 11ish hours overnight max so if you get him up at 8 you can expect a 9pm bedtime. Your schedule isn't helping unfortunately.

If you want to put him to bed at 7.30 you probably need to get him up by 6.30 ish

Oops hit send too early!

6.30ish and then down for a nap 12/12.30 latest. Ideally wake up by 2. Then he has 5.5 hours until bedtime which would be a usual wake window for his age. Consistent bedtime routine and consistent wake up and naptimes.