14 month old - nappy changes and car seats

[MimiArm]

Please help me.

I'm at my wits end. My 14 month old acts like a child possessed when I change his nappy. He rolls, kicks off the mat bending his back and leaning on his head as if he is trying to break his own spine. He only does it when I change his nappy (well, very occasionally when DH changes it). He screams, goes bright red and then gets so upset he's practically gasping for air.

Same deal with the car seat. Bends backwards and sits on knees so I can't get him sitting in it.

My childminder delights to tell me that he doesn't do any of this with her. In fact, yesterday she sent me a video of him lying back as calm as can be getting his nappy changed whilst saying "see mummy, no issues here or with the car seat". I know she means well but it really stung.

I've just went back to work from mat leave this week and am already tearful and stressed - but this is sending me over the edge.

I'm embarrassed when I pick him up because I know she will have to help get him in the car seat. I feel like I can't do anything right. He cries when I leave him off and then he cries when he sees me arrive to pick him up.

I'm currently sitting in the rocking chair letting him play in his cot because he screams when I try to rock him to sleep (yes I still have to do that - I know, I know).

I just can't cope.

The car fighting does end and I have had to bribe my child with chocolate buttons before and holding/fighting them in when button's haven't worked.
Nappy changes also get better. I remember using my phone with video's on for a while as I lost the plot with it all.

Once my daughter could climb in to her own seat that helped at around 2ish but we have a rear facing seat with a great grab handle so it's super easy to get in. Still have the odd fight at 3.5 but they aren't often now.

I'm sure you might have already tried but for nappy changes I like to give my 10mo something to fidget or play with that he doesn't have access to normally. Works best if it's not a toy e.g. tv remote, spatula, hand fan, nappy rash cream. I have three or four random things at the ready and switch them out if he is getting bored.

Nappy changes sit on floor with one of your legs over the child's tummy, resting gently on them. Much less wriggling! They tend to stop once they see they're not going anywhere.

Car seat - bribes or wait it out. We had a swivel seat so you could put them in facing you then turn them, that helped!

Oh yeah, this too - special toy they only get to see when having bum done

Re not coping - be kind to yourself, going back off mat leave is hard.

Kids keep their worst behaviour for parents as they trust them most to let it all out. It doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. A bit of defiance is developmentally normal, if crazy-making.

You need to build up your confidence and be prepared to assert yourself, even if it means your child complains. Not getting frustrated and het up, look at the bigger picture and see it from child's point of view. Nappy and car seat both remove autonomy a bit and are boring. Find ways to make it less boring.

Thanks everyone. So I have been using the distraction technique for months with sporadic success but it just doesn't work now and he's much, much stronger now and really uses brute force to roll and get onto his knees. When I try (and mostly fail as I don't want to hurt him) to stop him rolling it all kicks off and he persists and persists. Tonight was the worst one yet.

Car seat - I have a swivel one so he faces me when I (try to) set him in. Sometimes he happily goes in, others he refuses. As he's quite heavy now I can't support him with one hand so I can use the other to push his legs forward so I just keep trying then end up standing there at a loss holding him.

I will get some new toys and try again - something very interesting to catch his attention. Maybe I should just buy a universal remote. When he is like this, anything I give him he just throws instantly though.

@fearfuloffluff Thank you. I think I do need to build my confidence. I always assume people will think I'm a crap mum because I haven't got a clue what I'm doing therefore I must be doing it all wrong when he only acts out with me .

We just moved house last week too - we should have been in ages ago but it was delayed so everything is just on top of me and I'm overwhelmed - and he probably is too. He's familiar with our new house though as we've been visiting it most days for months (new build) to meet with the builder. He does seem to not be phased. He was doing these things in our old house too! I was probably just coping better.

I would definitely recommend non toys. Things you have in the house you don't mind the LO having. Also I assume you are already using nappy pants? Once I have wiped him clean I do the rest of the nappy change on the move as he is crawling of standing trying to get away 😅 I am usually in a sweat by the end of it but anything for less screaming.

I also recommend changing the non dirty nappies straight away in the morning or after a nap. They are still a bit dozy and don't fight as much.

Some babies/toddlers are just on a very short fuse and whenever something does not please them, they let you know about it!

It can help to sing songs etc make it into a game but sometimes you just have to be as fast as possible and get it done. With the swivel car seats I find leaving the straps really lose and then buckling in over legs first helps, then once the straps are all fastened I can position the shoulder straps on arms and tighten. It's easier than trying to tighten and fasten a wriggly octopus.

Definitely otherwise forbidden 'toys' that are only for nappy changes - we had a basket of all sorts of weird household stuff to hand him 😃Failing that, phone.

To get him in his car seat, it doesn't always work if really upset but have you tried tickling? It makes them bend in the middle!