I'm struggling with feelings that I am a better parent to my younger child than I am to my older child.
Oldest is reception age, a boy, very lovely and active and bright but very 'on' all the time. Family who work in education have mentioned he may display some ADHD traits, though I think he's a bit young to be exploring that. He can be challenging: does not follow instructions, needs attention almost constantly, breaks things easily (not deliberately, more he tries to build stuff with object but they get broken in the process). He can really get into hyper 'loops', which oddly, he can articulate the feeling off once he's out of them ("Mommy, my brain was fizzing"). He's also just quite extroverted and chatty, whereas I am not I like quiet and alone time. As a consequence, I find I am very snappy and short, which I don't want to be like with him. He really is a lovely kid, very thoughtful and sensitive.
My second child I just find much easier. I think a lot of it is feeling more confident as a parent the second time round, I was incredibly anxious when my first was born. However, I feel her personality aligns more with mine the older she gets and I find her company more 'relaxing' , as ridiculous as that is to say for a toddler. She's more calm, quite self-contained and not as prone to physical outbursts (her bother at a similar age was a bolter and had way more accidents because he just jumped from and onto anything!)
All this combined makes me feel my youngest gets the best of my parenting and my oldest gets the worst of it and I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to rebalance this? I don't want to create a dynamic where my kids think I feel differently, because I don't I adore them both but I feel my oldest gets me at my snappiest/grumpiest because of the development stage he is at and our general personality clash. I just love him and want him to know that but he makes me feel so frazzled.