Pregnant with an 18 month old. Terribly anxious

[Pickle50]

Hello lovely mums

Im mum to my DS 18 months old and am 17 weeks pregnant. I am starting to become incredibly anxious and worried about how I’ll cope with 2 young children.

My DS will stay in nursery 20 hours a week (max we can afford even with free childcare). My husband works 8-6, 5 days a week but helps when he can in the mornings and evenings. We also have a dog who needs walking min an hour a day.
My DS was and occasionally is still a terrible sleeper and I am so worried how I’ll cope. We have very limited social support.

I feel just terrible saying this, but I’m starting to wish I wasn’t pregnant. I’m an older mum and we were told we had little chance of conceiving again due to some medical issues. My current pregnancy is a blessing but the worry about parenting two young children is starting to eat me up and tear me apart.

Have any mums got any tips/tricks, ideas on how to manage the next few years.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed.

I think I'd look at DC1's sleep first, that might help you feel a bit more human. The No cry sleep solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers should help.

Are you working at the moment @Pickle50? If not, I'd take DC1 to some groups. Don't just go with the intention of making friends but you might make a could if you carry on going. Friends with similar age DC always seem to understand what you're going through.

Does your DH know how you feel too? And you MW?

Honestly, you'll be fine. Oldest will be coming up for 2 if I've worked it out right- the development changes so quickly. First child is a real shock to the system, second one just seems to slot in (and you wonder why you felt busy with just one newborn)
Try and get out and about, even for just a little bit. Then as soon as youngest is sitting, they'll start amusing each other. Lots of activities they will both enjoy at a close age. Promise, it might be a bit hectic for a while but second baby is generally a LOT easier for most.

I felt the same when I was pregnant with my second but they really do just slot into your routines. My eldest is three and youngest is seven months. My husband works five days a week, takes overtime and also works on call sometimes so he is at work a lot. I was feeling anxious and overwhelmed but it really does get better. I would definitely advise going to baby/toddler groups and try to get out of the house everyday - even for a 10 minute walk - it helps so much. You will be absolutely fine, a bit knackered but fine!

I had three under 2 and yes it’s tiring - but you’ll cope just fine.

2nd babies are usually easier. They silt in because they have too and you’ll be too tired to care.

Oh my gosh. Thank you SiouxsieSiouxStiletto, NaturalBlondeYeahRight, newmumtobe94
and totally.
You have no idea how much your messages have helped me. All of your words have given me hope that I will cope - I feel more optimistic than I did this morning.

I will try to get out everyday. Im
planning on strapping the baby into a carrier initially and popping toddler in the pram. I find even when I’m sleep deprived getting out helps to break up the day. Just feels so daunting doing it with a toddler and baby.

thank you all ♥️

We have that book and also paid 400 for a sleep consultant - he woke up hourly until he was 14 months old. It’s only 2-3 times a night now and we think it’s partly medical as he snores and has reflux quite badly.

I am working - I do take DS to a group one day a week and have a few mum friends but none have more than 1 child or they have a larger age gap of 6 years+

I feel so lonely. I also feel like a terrible mum for even struggling. I have told
my husband and MW. I’ve been put on medication. Only started it on the weekend though.

thank you for your help x

I was pregnant when my first baby was three months old and the second was early … and it’s been fine (both school age now). If you can do zero babies to one baby, you can definitely do one baby to two.

I'm so glad that you've sought help and that you're taking medication. I hope this improves things for you.

If LO is waking that often and has reflux, is there any chance that they have CMPA?

I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old. Personally I found being pregnant with a toddler a lot harder than a toddler and a newborn. Just be kind to yourself. Our routine was a bit over the place initially and we did utilise a lot of screen time but we are definitely thriving now not just surviving.

I'm another one with a 2 year old (27 months) and a 6 month old - it hasn't been as bad as I feared.
I don't manage to get out every day, the 2yo watches more cartoons than I would like some days, but we muddle through. The older they get the easier it is.
The hardest part so far has been jealousy whilst breastfeeding and none of the usual suggestions offered up on here worked for more than a few times. It is much better now the feeds are less frequent but if you have the ability I would get as many people as possible to spend time with your toddler while you're establishing feeding/having a cluster feeding stage if you plan on breastfeeding.

Thank you, SiouxsieSiouxStiletto. It’s early days but I’m hoping it will help.
We have done the CMPA pathway and now waiting for paediatrics but it’s a 3 year wait where we are.

Rella357- I’m so pleased to hear you are doing well. I think things are bound to be all over the place initially, I just get worried about how long for and being on my own with it.

Burgerqueenbee- that’s a great point about feeding. I bf my DS for 13 months and plan on doing it again. I spoke to my husband and he’s requested extra leave when baby comes to try and help though the first 4 weeks of feeding. If it doesn’t work I’ll move to bottles. Good to have in mind. Thank you :)

Thank you, SiouxsieSiouxStiletto. It’s early days but I’m hoping it will help.
We have done the CMPA pathway and now waiting for paediatrics but it’s a 3 year wait where we are.

Sorry I've not heard of the CMPA pathway before. Does that mean he does have CMPA?

My oldest was just turned 2 when we had our second. They are now 4 and 2. There are tough moments but I agree with others, 0-1 is a much biggest adjustment to 1-2. Good idea to keep some nursery hours and please allow yourself to use them for your own well-being rather than household jobs - if you need a nap, have a nap. The cleaning can wait. A good sling is a lifesaver. I co slept with the younger one which I’d been too cautious to do with the older, but saved my sanity as I got a lot more sleep that way (and with planning, warm PJs rather than blankets etc we found a way to do it safely). And although the small gap is hard when they are small, I think it can be lovely as they get older. Seeing them play together, enjoy the same films and trips etc, really makes it feel worthwhile.

Its normal to be anxious. I have 19 DD, 15 month old son and a 13 week old daughter and I was shitting myself, to put it lightly.

I have to say though (and this is just me) its been surprisingly easy. She's super content and a proper wee smiler, son had colic so it was rough with him. I feel like at the moment either my boobs are constantly out feeding the little one, or I'm changing a nappy... but it's a lot easier than I'd wound myself up for it to be. I find wee things make it less stressful, putting clothes out for the morning for us all for example rather than running about like a headless chicken with a 13 week old hanging off my boob and a 15 month old chasing me and climbing up my leg 😂

My other half is very hands on, the 19 year old is also good at taking one for a wee bit of peace (she has the toddler out at the park now for example while I'm having a stress clean of the kitchen).

I also thought being older (was 22 when I had eldest daughter, 42 now) I'd struggle but I find I'm enjoying it more this time around. All three were c sections so worried about chasing a toddler after that but again, you just kinda adapt.