Sex after baby

[Tiredmamma123]

Hi all

baby is 7 months and formula fed if it makes a difference.

since baby has been born I have totally gone off sex. I would much rather sleep.

when should I start feeling normal? Husband is going on about sex a lot and I feel like he thinks it would go back to how it was before pregnant eg a few times a week. Honestly driving me mad. I am exhausted but more so mentally exhausted dealing with a baby all day alone. I try make an effort but I can’t switch off or enjoy because in the back of my head I’m panicking the time and I can’t relax knowing I will be awake soon dealing with baby.

baby still in our room, wakes multiple times, it’s just not the same. Maybe when he leaves our room?!

he keeps talking about it and dropping hints. I know I should make an effort but I can’t be arsed. I think once a week considering the situation is plenty!!

There is of course, no normal. For months I couldn't even do it, as it was so painful, when others could after a few weeks (and I had an easy, quick birth!).

My situation sounds the same as yours. And yet.. my toddler is 19 months! However he has always woken for resettling, and I co-sleep. When I'm not so tired (rare) I will creep out and join DH in bed! It's certainly not as often as he would like. But then he's not the one waking at night (baby is only resettled with boob so nothing we can do about that either).

It'll hopefully be different for you if you're baby is better at sleeping in their own space!

I agree that there is no normal! I felt the same when my second baby was born. I was so exhausted that sex was the very last thing on my mind. Not to mention my body was still returning to normal, my hormones were everywhere etc. Have you communicated with your Husband that you're just not ready yet? We barely had sex after my second but once he went into his own room at six months we started doing it again which helped a lot. You mention dealing with baby all day alone - does your Husband help much with the baby? Do you have any support?

There's definitely no normal.

Does he make sure you're getting a break when he isn't at work? If not then I'd be telling him it's the very least he could do before you start to feel ready.

Hah.

No chance of a normal sex life for me and DH until they were sleeping through. In our case, at about 2 and a bit years. Expecting DC4 currently and sex is great but infrequent at the moment.

Not feeling like it is totally normal! You're tired your hormones probably won't have settled down yet.

Did you do NCT or similar? My DH met up with other dads from our group, I bet they discussed this stuff. I'm sure it helps to know that its normal, and not about them. DH may be feeling that you don't find him attractive. But it's nothing to do with him, it's about how you feel and your needs. He has to deal with that.

If he isn't helping you to get adequate test, he can't complain you don't feel like sex. Be explicit about what you need from him in terms of support. So if he brings up sex, you say you know g misses sex, by you're tired. Can he help you by doing xyz so that you can rest?

As far as getting back to "normal".... I'm not sure it does! Different doesn't have to be bad - we have much less sex than we did pre-children, but it's still great sex. It probably wouldn't be if I felt pestered though!

There's no normal.

But feeling unsupported by your partner is a surefire way to kill your sex drive.

It's worth thinking about what he could do that would give you the space in your life to start feeling sexual again.

And that might be quite a lot! For me, it's that:

1. I need time to myself first of all. Time to breathe, think, not be touched by children, and take care of myself.

1. We need time together as a couple. DH gets home from work and does bath/bed while I cook dinner so we both clock off at the same time and eat together without DC. We try and go out together about once a month too. Crucial!!

1. I need us to work as a team with the other one picking up the slack as and when necessary, otherwise it all just gets too much sometimes.

That's imo the recipe for getting your libido back.

Time alone
Time together
Team work.

None of which sound like they have anything to do with sex, but it's everything to do with it!

You need to be equally exhausted and it will level things up.