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How to foster a better sibling relationship

2 replies

mamatothreebunnies · 04/09/2023 22:16

My daughters aged 6 and 8 (9 in a couple of weeks) have always been a very bickery/argumentative pair with eachother. They are fine with their friends, older one is an absolute angel with other kids and other younger children but not when it comes to her own sister.

I totally understand a certain level sister arguing and competitiveness etc but I feel mine are a bit more than the norm.

my 6 year old has recently asked me why they argue so much and when it started. She asked me if we have videos of when they don’t argue when they were younger, and when I asked her why she wants the videos she said so she can watch them and see how they can not argue. It absolutely shattered my heart because it means she’s clearly very upset by this.

having this long summer break together doesn’t help and they’ve been in each others pockets the whole time so I get it’s probably got too much for them.

but my older one doesn’t help. It’s always “it’s not fair”, “she did this”, “she said this” or when they’re playing together it always had to be the older ones way and the older ones say. It’s irritating to watch and hear her this way.

when I intervene to tell her that the way she’s behaving isn’t ok, she gets upset.

my younger one is no angel. She can also be annoying to her but she tends to be the one to find a solution or agreement but not because she wants to, just to diffuse the situation. And I guess she feels she’s had enough of being the one to be bossed around.

I need some help on how to teach them to behave nicer together and how do I make the older one be more caring towards her sister. She just genuinely doesn’t think twice about how her sister feels which isn’t nice.

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Sierra26 · 04/09/2023 22:31

Is there a chance you push them too hard to get along? To be similar, to share toys, to include each other?

Do they have their own separate hobbies and interests? Opinions? If not, now might be the time to start encouraging it. They will become more interesting to one another. The older one won’t feel like she has a shadow. The younger one won’t feel like she has to follow older one’s footsteps. They need to develop their own identities.

Resist the urge to encourage them to play together, and they will likely find their own way of spending time together.

Apols if I completely missed the mark but it’s the first thing that came to mind when reading your question.

mamatothreebunnies · 04/09/2023 22:36

@Sierra26 yes that can totally be a big part now that you say it. Because of the small gap I’ve always just done everything with both of them. Same activities, same days out, same play dates etc. I did suggest some different activities and over summer tried to do 121 days out together but the younger one only wants to do it with her older sister, and older ones wants nothing to do with it!

maybe I just need to make the 121 times more enticing for 6 year old so she will want to come with me.

thank you for our reply

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