Three/four year old who doesn't like attention on her?

[Chatsworth364847]

Just wondering if others have children who react similarly as most of my friends' children all seem to relish the attention of others. She's ok with me and her dad etc but when it's other family members or any others she looks so uncomfortable. 😭

She was 4 in July and when family sung happy birthday at her party she looks like she'd rather be anywhere else!

Seems to enjoy herself (finally) at nursery but when she leaves, other children always bound out running to parents but she walks out slowly, eyes down. I think maybe as there's a big audience of parents/nursery workers etc saying bye and waiting. Once we're in the car she's chatting away again.

Sometimes struggles to say bye or hello to others (again maybe as it's kind of expected of her infront of others) as when it's just her playing own to one, she's confident and chatty.

She always needs some time to warm up. Once she has she is happy and relaxed with grandparents/cousins etc.

Sounds like me as a child; I hated a fuss being made of me with an audience. Having to open Christmas presents in front of less familiar family was always hard.

I don't think it means much OP, just a facet of her personality!

I was exactly the same as a child. I hated any attention on me. Thankfully my mum understood it was just who I was at the time and just followed my lead. If I needed time alone in my bedroom while the family fussed, she just used to hush me off and let me slide away.

I'm confident now as a lady but I still really don't like being centre of attention

One of mine is like this - doesn't even really like being praised. He's an awkward fish, a lot like his dad, and I fully anticipate he will realise his dream I'd becoming a Lego set designer! I Wouldn't worry, just be mindful of putting her situations where she is uncomfortable.

Thanks! That's reassuring. Yes opening her birthday presents...she can't say thank you when there's a big crowd. She said to me afterwards - maybe when I'm bigger like you I'll be able to say thank you. She's know she should, just can't!

Yes my 4 year old DS! Hates being sung happy birthday to (also hates it in general). Sometimes he likes attention and is all “look at me” but a lot of the time he hates it.

Sounds like my dd. Later diagnosed as ASD. Not being able to talk to certain people is mutism.

I'm pretty sure there's no signs of ASD although I'm no expert! If it's someone she's close to and it's just us or one to one she will chat away. She swings from being shy at the start to then running around singing at the top of her voice when we have family gatherings.😂

Youve just described my 2.5 year old. She's been like this since she was 8 months old. When she visits her grandparents' home, she can't stand the attention and will sink into my arms. If they ignore her and not call her name, she'll happily play, but will maintain her distance. She is very friendly with other children and will happily play and even share her toys but she just can't stand the attention of adults. Special occassions are the worst, especially when she's dressed up. Doesn't help that she has beautiful black curly hair, and nearly every adult we pass will compliment her hair, she wont even return a smile. When i talk about the things she does and the funny things she says, im sure people dont believe me as they have never heard her speak. She's perfectly fine with her siblings and both me and DH. She is getting better though and i think she will just grow out of it.

I took my time ‘warming up’ in social situations as a child and so does my eldest, your description of your DD sounds like mine at 4. We are both outgoing and are fine as the centre of attention for birthdays etc, but do have our quiet moments. I didn’t like being labelled as shy by teachers and parents, because I’m not!

Unfortunately society sees shy as bad but some people just need more time to feel comfortable.

Thank you! Yes at her nursery they said she's like two different people. Sometimes won't want to chat and just goes off to play and other times (when she feels like it) she will stand and have a good chat one to one with them.
The end of year nursery graduation was classic - one of the only ones to not join in the signing but I imagine it's not comfortable for her at all being on stage in front of all those adults! Yet at home she sang the songs over and over to us.
I feel the same as you - i don't think her new teacher will believe me when I say she is very confident, loud and bubbly when she is at home as I know at school she will barely want to make eye contact with the teacher! Hopefully she will form a good relationship with her and they will get to see her other side that we see 🙂

Yes I was always labelled as shy too. I'm careful to not describe her as shy but others obviously do and she now says she's shy but I just say you were feeling shy then but then you stopped feeling shy. So it doesn't define her and is just a feeling that can start and stop just like being happy or sad.

My 4 year old is similar he doesn't like the attention on him and actually ran off when we all sang happy birthday at his party in July. He's quite quiet and won't talk to anyone when we go and see the grandparents but does warm up and start enjoying himself after a while and you can't shut him up at home.

Sounds like you’re having the right conversations OP - we always said everyone feels shy sometimes and it’s ok to feel shy, and that gave her a lot of validation and confidence.

Interestingly, that also meant she was more aware of others and didn’t expect the children in her new reception class to immediately play and interact with her. I noticed many of the more outgoing children didn't know how to manage their frustration if the quieter kids wouldn’t play straight away.