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Feeling a bit anxious about my toddler's new nursery, am I being precious with my misgivings here?

11 replies

yetanotherchangeofnamey · 04/09/2023 09:36

My daughter's (16 months) nursery closed unexpectedly due to a fire in July. They've said they think they'll be open again in late October, possibly later.

We've found another nursery which has four good Google reviews, at least I haven't seen anything bad written about it. It's on my daily commute (I don't drive, my partner does, so it being near-ish to his work is important for drop offs). It's also temporarily in a church as their current building is being renovated.

So her first settle session was two hours, during holiday club, in a huge hall with about twenty kids ranging from her age to maybe 4 or 5. I think around five adult members of staff. It was loud and echoey, I was asked to stay for the first session and she hated a lot of it and cried most of the time. Granted it was the holiday club, not in the baby room that she'd usually be in, but it was manic.

They didn't use plates for snack time, just put slices of banana on the table. Lunch was pasta served on a plate.

I was asked to go with a member of staff to watch her change my daughter's nappy. Again as it's not their usual building, the only toilet they had was the disabled toilet, which I used and I assume the staff used, and had one of those wall changing tables. All the kids nappies and wipes etc were labelled and then thrown into a box on the floor. The member of staff wore gloves but didn't wash her hands between kids. I get that she wore gloves but when you're dealing with pee and poop ...?

The one that irks me a lot is that no one asked me questions about my daughter directly. I was simply given a form to fill out about what she likes and what she doesn't like, any allergies etc. I met her key worker to whom I volunteered what I believe is important info (that she won't fall asleep without a dummy, sometimes has trouble using gentle hands) and her key worker just replied with 'mhmm' or 'oh ok'.

Her dad dropped her off for her first full day this morning and said when he got there, she was just accepted without asking who she was, no sign in sheet, front door unlocked (!!) So anyone could've walked in. Also it was a room full of kids and two members of staff. I phoned the nursery and phrased it as 'he's not sure if he dropped her in the right room' and they said they all have meals together then go into their separate rooms. The manager seemed very rushed on the phone and kept saying 'OK, thank-you, speak later' as if I was done talking to her. I ended up sending a follow up email asking them to let the baby room staff know that she takes a dummy and milk if offered for her naps.

The thing is, she's always been a rubbish napper which is why I'm offering them information on how she settles best. But they never asked and I just worry she'll be a crying, tired mess all day! Her other nursery met with me one on one, asked loads of questions, asked me if I had any questions, they asked how she falls asleep and what she loves doing. This new place just thrust a clipboard under my nose and that was that!

Now I've written it all out I feel the majority of the replies will be that I'm being a helicopter mum. I trust that they are all trained members of staff and she will be safe there but I can't tell if I have a gut bad feeling about this place or if it's just not as good as her usual place. As I don't drive and I start work early, it needs to be my partner dropping her off so it can't be too far from his work. So this setting really is the only option for now, we looked for childminders but there are none nearby, and we have no friends or family to help us.

I did WFH with her for the past few weeks but it was extremely difficult, I was catching up on work when she went to bed in the evening, she was bored being stuck in the house and wanted to climb on me and play with my work laptop so it just wouldn't be feasible to do long term.

Can someone put my mind at ease and tell me I'm being silly! It's definitely temporary till her usual place reopens but I'm dreading the months ahead!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Drummend01 · 04/09/2023 10:03

I think you are being a bit of a helicopter with repeating via phone and email about her settling with a dummy etc as you already put that in the form. If they have any problems, they’ll mention it and then you can advise. As for them being rushed on the phone, you’ve called at their busiest time, so yes they probably were in a hurry to get back to what they were doing.

However, I would be concerned about the seeming disorganisation. No process for signing in and out, open door etc, I would worry about that

BeansMeansBeans · 04/09/2023 10:09

Go with your gut feeling. You don't want to be worrying about her all day, you need to feel relaxed about the care she's getting

SErunner · 04/09/2023 10:20

I wouldn't be happy with what your described. The environment/set up sounds rubbish. Some big red flags around security and safety - if they can't get that right I wouldn't hold much hope for the rest. Go with your gut instinct as others have said.

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Pollywoddles · 04/09/2023 10:24

I wouldn’t be happy with any of that, it sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Trust your guy, you’d never forgive yourself.

Jojoanna · 04/09/2023 10:31

It's sounds awful. I would trust your instincts.

Starsnspikes · 04/09/2023 14:51

I'm definitely not a helicopter parent, I think I'm generally pretty chilled. But I wouldn't be happy with that at all. I'd be seriously reconsidering.

Would a childminder be an option until previous nursery reopens? Might be less disruptive than getting her used to another new setting?

Bec945 · 23/02/2024 20:58

Personally if you have to have strangers try to offer you reassurance that your child is safe that doesn’t mean that they will be. Your intuition and gut feeling is there for a reason. Trust it. If you don’t think the staff are ensuring the environment is safe from strangers and they are not attentive enough to the needs of your child and lacking in basic hygiene then i think you have every reason to feel that way. If you are not 100% happy then be more assertive with the staff and express what you are concerned about.
many good nursery or good management will take comments like that seriously.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/02/2024 21:02

I think it sounds absolutely dreadful. There is no way I'd leave my child there. It's time to figure out a Plan B.

AluckyEllie · 23/02/2024 21:06

Nope you aren’t being unreasonable. Sounds mad. The door unlocked with no sign in and anyone can walk in would put me off, so easy to loose a child or keep track!

mambojambodothetango · 23/02/2024 21:19

Report them to Ofsted and run a mile!

purplediscoblue · 23/02/2024 21:37

I work in a private nursery and have a two year old… I would never ever ever send my child to a nursery ever. I just don’t like anything about it as a parent but I can do my job and make a difference in a child’s life but I absolutely would not ever dream of it. My child goes to a childminder and I love it!

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