I don’t think I can do this anymore

[Summerbaby211]

Hi everybody, I have a five month old who was a planned pregnancy after a loss, and I was so delighted to have him. But since he was born, I have just not been able to cope. I’m mostly ranting and not really looking for solutions, but I would like to take comfort in hearing if anybody can relate.

As it stands I’m a single mom (husband divorced me 4 months pp for a younger woman). With my unsupportive ex husband and hateful ex in-laws on top of everything else a baby entails, I just don’t think I can carry on like this anymore. Between the constant screaming, colic, my disability (ptsd) and living with chronic pain it’s just too difficult to raise a child especially as a single parent. The kid will be screaming at the top of his lungs for hours and hours, the phone will be ringing off the hook, when I can barely get a bite to eat because there’s no time, the house is going to utter ruins, finances going upside down, people wanting to talk to me, my ex being inflammatory, and having to maintain a semblance of social life it’s just impossible. I just can’t stand chasing after a kid all day, up and down up and down, when my back hurts and I’m tired and all I wanna do is lay down and get some rest or eat something for the first time today. I would give so much to be able to have a full eight hours of uninterrupted peaceful sleep, and to get back on a regular eating schedule and get enough calories a day. As it stands, I’m probably only eating a mouth full of walnuts and avocado and a slice of pizza each day. I’m just skin and bones at this point, there is zero time to eat or cook or go to the grocery store. Every time I go out, the kid screams and screams and screams and people stare and give me scornful looks. Everybody says it gets better but I just don’t believe it. The doctor say the baby should have outgrown colic by now which leaves me feeling more alone in the struggle of listening to screaming for five hours a day every day, starting at 4:45. Everybody else with kids seems to enjoy it but me? I can’t go so far as to saying I hate being a mum but I just feel like I’m not cut out for this. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be for sure.

Sorry for being so negative, but in my shoes it’s hard to be positive. Can anyone relate to how difficult having kids is, and did anyone else expect having kids to be this hard? I feel like I’m drowning and I do not enjoy parenting at all.

Sorry you are feeling so rubbish. Early parenthood doesn't match up to the ideals that we are sold...
It is bloody hard even when there aren't additional challenges such as health concerns _ disability etc.... single parenthood is very challenging ...although there are times when it is very rewarding too.
I used and later volunteered with homestart (charity that gives support to families with kids under 5 .)..the support I had was 2 hrs a wk where the person would chat for an hour and then talk my son out for a walk...so that I could have a break/ tidy the house...etc . You can self refer to the scheme

💐for you. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, please don't be too hard on yourself.

Having a baby is lovely but also difficult, I really didn't know how hard it was going to be when I had my DC, especially with a difficult ex.

What support do you have for you? Have you got family and friends who you can confide in? It really does take a village to look after a baby, and it sounds like you're doing it all alone at the moment. It may also be worth speaking to your health visitor or GP as you sound quite low.

I'm sorry I don't have much advice but please know that you're not alone. Lots of new mums feel like they aren't coping but you wouldn't know by looking at them.

So sorry to hear about what you're going through! You're not alone. Parenting is not easy. I have a 4 month old and some days are just horrible, I literally catch myself starring at the clock thinking why is bed time so far away. What made me mad in the early days is how nobody prepared you for that - so much focus on the pregnancy and giving birth and yet nobody tells you the dos and don'ts for a newborn. I do know what you mean by referring to it as drowning, have to admit. But then my DC smiles at me or hugs me and all is forgotten again.
The advise the previous poster suggested might help you. If you can find some support to help yourself first, then you'd be able to help your baby too. Sounds like you need practical help with someone giving you a few hours back for you only. Could you call a friend or neighbor just to come and be there for an hour while you have a bite or clean the house? Could you order some groceries online, I find Morrisons to be arriving right on the dot, so helps me plan around my DD's nap schedule.
Sending you support! You can do this, you'll turn back in time a year from now and it will all feel like a painful memory from the distant past x

Speak to your GP or health visitor. Look up home start, they can send something around to help with day to day things like making sure you have time to eat.

This is how I’d start - I think you might have PND in the mix. Plus I’d talk to Stepchange about money management.

It can be really shit, even without all your added stresses. It will get better tough though it is to believe.

This sounds really tough. Colic is hard enough without anything else on top, and you have so much more to deal with too. We had a screamer and it was very hard to enjoy those early months, it was physically and emotionally exhausting, frustrating and upsetting.

Ours turned out to be due to milk allergy, plus overtiredness I think. If the GP thinks it's not colic now they or the health visitor surely should help you explore if there's anything else like maybe allergy or reflux, and you really deserve some support to help you get food and sleep, we all need those. Hope things get easier soon.

Deep breath OP Have a vitual hug from me.

OK what can you control? Can you take baby for a walk somewhere there are not many people about?

Go back to the GP as others have said it might be he has an intolerence or an allergy.

Food, you need to eat or at least get some nourishment, even if that's a milk based shake like build up. Does your baby sleep at all? Stock up on ready meals and eat while he is asleep, if you get long enough.

Your ex is a dick, and that's putting it mildley. But you know that. Are you getting any maintenance?

Do you have anyone to support yuo? A friend, relatives, even a neighbour you could ask for help?

Lots of people are happy to help but you need to ask for it.

Huosework? Can you afford a cleaner? Even just for a one off deep clean?

I had a high maintenence baby- have you tried co-sleeping and/or using a sling to keep them in contact with you? I had never planned on "attachment parenting" but it got me through as I got so much more sleep, naps improved and the baby wasn't constantly overtired any more so was far more pleasant when awake!!

It does also get more fun at about the age you are at as the interaction picks up with things like knocking down towers of blocks, and it does all become more fun.