I feel like I've ruined my life having a baby

[Bethandfreddie]

I feel horrible writing this, but it's all too much and I just need to get it out. I have a 1 year old DS and am finding parenting such a difficult task, it's like a chore. I rarely enjoy being around him which makes me sad because he deserves nothing but all the love in the world, it's not his fault he was born he never asked for it

I keep trying to suck it up and do what's best for him but honestly I feel like I'm on autopilot, I feel like everyday is just a loop.

I'm 21, I fell pregnant at 19, I feel like I never lived my life. I always thought I really wanted children and would be a loving mother but here I am writing this. I just want to run far away from my problems, curl up and never be found. My whole life has always been pretty crap and honestly I think it's never going to get better.

I've had therapy for my OCD and anxiety and I'm taking antidepressants but here I am still feeling this way? What is wrong with me? My ds deserves so much better, I feel like I cannot give him the life he deserves because I'm so mentally unstable. I feel so alone.

My housing situation is stressful too, my landlord evicted us to 'sell the property' but ending up renting it out to someone else so now I'm stuck living with my parents in a tiny box room with my partner. Ds has to sleep in my parents room because I cant even fit a cot in here. The council doesn't want a bar of it either. They don't care. Nobody does.

Sorry that this post is a mess my head is also a mess, I can't function anymore

don't even know what I thought I would achieve posting this. Please don't hate, I'm really sensitive

sending you lots of love and sympathy - you are having a really hard time. In a different situation you would be able to enjoy your baby more. In the mean time, you are doing everything a lovely mum can do, to make life good for your little one.

Yes, you started young, but don't forget the other side of that is you will have a lot of child free time as a still young adult, once he has grown up xx

You are in a tough situation OP - it’s hard enough to parent toddlers as it is, never mind being so young and without your own place. But as PP says, you will have masses of time on the other side. Your life is definitely not always going to be like this.

What are you doing for work? Is their training you’d like to do? I think focusing on your future is probably the best thing.

The fact of the matter is that your life has changed forever - it will never be the same as it was before you had a child.

You can grieve for that life, but you then try and make the most of the life you have now because what is the point in miserably regretting the past. If someone said you'd be better putting the child into care so that you can go back to life as it was before, would you want to? I'm guessing not. So you need to make the best of it: Go to see the GP as you're depressed/

Please don't waste your life pining for the past.

A) it sounds like your life is exceptionally difficult right now
B) 1-year-olds are adorable, but gosh they’re hard to love a lot of the time… it does get better…

I think you’re feeling a ton of guilt about B, but honestly, loads of people feel that way. Try to relinquish the guilt, because it isn’t helping you. Extend yourself the grace you would extend to others in your situation. It sounds like you know what you need to do for your DC, so keep doing it, and don’t over-analyze. Focus your energy on improving your prospects however you can.

Youve got this. X

Hey Beth and Freddy, I am in the same boat as you. I have a five month old and I absolutely hate it. I think I was conditioned by society and Disney movies that getting married and having kids it’s just what you do especially as a woman. I was told that if you don’t have kids by 25 you’re destined to live an empty life or you failed at life. Now that I’ve had kids I recognize that that’s a very misogynistic line of thinking. I don’t know if you can relate but I do regret having kids, my life was so good before I had kids and I feel like I just squandered it at such a young age. I got pregnant at 22 and had a baby at 23. All my hopes and dreams and aspirations and free time and health is just destroyed now that I have kids. I think it’s perfectly OK to grieve the loss of a good life that you had. There are some people who will judge you for being vocal about it and I think those are the people you need a weed out of your life. I choose people who are supportive of me, and who understand me, and not put me into a box of “defective woman, how dare you not want kids and not love your kids and make your kids the center of your life”. My kid has never been the center of my life and will never be the center of my life, and I’m OK with that. I don’t have much advice on how to make life better, I am floundering 24/7 as well. If you’re anything like me though, hearing other peoples struggles relating to mine helps a lot.