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Original poster

Terrified of my son starting nursery

17 replies

Elusivelady · 03/09/2023 21:52

So my son starts nursery next week and I am absolutely terrified for him. He’s a very sensitive and clingy child and never been left in such an environment. He won’t even allow me too go to the toilet without him still. I do work and family have him but that’s what he’s always known and is fine with that as long as routine is adhered too I.e fanily come and collect him. Where as if I drop him off he gets so upset holding on too my leg. I’m really struggling with the thought of him starting nursery next week and I know everyone says ’ohh he’ll love it ‘ but will he? People say what they think you want too hear but I would rather hear the truth.

Deep down I know it’s going to be a long road into getting him too even want too go to nursery. And I have got visions on his first day of us walking up that school path with him kicking and screaming. And I just do not know how I’m going to hold my tears back for him! The thought of him been left with strangers in a strange place and been terrified is making me physically Ill I’ve found myself crying daily for the past week or so. I can’t even bring myself to label his uniform because it’s acceptance of it happening

I’m not someone who has really suffered with my mental health. But this is eating me up and causing me so much upset and so many arguments at home

His dad has suggested on his first day that he takes him and I collect him. So he doesn’t see me potentially cry and I just do not know what to do for the best 😭. I am normally such an emotionally strong person but this is something else.

Please tell me I’m not the only one!

I also know how negative people can be on here so if your going too tell me I'm enabling a clingy child or something please don't waste your time!

This is my first child and for the first year of his life I was all he knew. With lock down my partner was still at work 50 hours + a week and it was just me and my son at home. So at the point he should've started too enjoy socialising and recognising people etc he didn't I was all he knew which I believe is why I have such a close bond with him. 💙

But the reality of him starting nursery really is kicking in an im struggling but trying so hard not to show it infront of him. But if anyone mentions nursery too him he says no I don't want to go, I don't want to leave mommy, im going to cry the whole time. Which makes it even harder

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Danikm151 · 03/09/2023 22:03

Lots of positive talk about nursery will help both of you.

“you’re going to play games, do painting, read stories etc.”

I’m guess because he has a uniform he’s 3. Reassurances and explain to ask grown ups if he needs toilet/help etc.

The run to you at the end of the day and the big cuddle will be something to look forward to! My son has been in nursery since he was 11 months and I still love the hello. Drop off he just shout bye and runs in.
Before long he will be going to school so will need to be away from you.

Nursery can be the making of some children, you’ll be amazed at how the adapt and enjoy it. Nursery allows them to do loads of activities that you may not have thought of too!

Your husband is right- if your son sees you upset he will be more reluctant to go in. So let him take him and see how you get on.

Ponche · 03/09/2023 22:07

I was similarly worried when my DD started last year and was absolutely dreading it and had visions of myself crying at my desk at work. But in the end, it was really hard but okay. My DH was with me at the first drop off and inside I was really upset but I didn't cry as didn't want to make DD even more upset. She was a clingy baby but settled in fine and after a a few months she no longer cried at drop off and happily went in. The beginning was hard and some days I'd put my headphones in as soon as I dropped her off as I could hear her crying as I walked away but I just reminded myself that lots of families are in the same position and I need to work so no other choice. It gets easier as time goes on and you both get used to the routine. Maybe give the nursery a ring late morning time to see how he is doing to reassure yourself?

Smartiepants79 · 03/09/2023 22:09

If he’s preschool age? 3? Then this is a useful first step towards getting him ready for school.
In my opinion it’s time. He’s had a tricky time due to covid that has meant his socialisation skills and resilience now need to be worked on.
Unless you’re planning to keep him home for the foreseeable future ( you are planning for him to go to school?) then he needs to be gently encouraged into new places and to build relationships with new people.
You have to be positive about this for him. Please don’t take him in and stand their crying all over him. If you think you’re going to struggle then let someone else do it. It’s ok to be anxious and even sad about his transition but he can’t know that you feel like this.

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WandaWonder · 03/09/2023 22:32

I think we all feel a little nervous but terrified is way over the top, you need to deal with as your child will pick up on this

Nursery is a good thing and it is your job to make it that for your child not scare your own child as you can't cope

HerMammy · 03/09/2023 22:40

Could dad take him for the first day?
You crying every day and being terrified is maybe why he's such a clingy child, your worries are affecting him. As a parent it's our job to prepare them for all the steps in life not have them glued to us in tears.

HerMammy · 03/09/2023 22:41

Also, lockdown has been over for long enough, you've had plenty time to prepare you both.

Delamo · 04/09/2023 19:44

How you're both feeling is totally normal but it will be the best thing for you both for him to have this time to grow and develop without you there, keep positive and prepare him of what to expect theres a good FB group I joined called starting nursery/primary school and they have good guides and advice on helping the transition

Good luck this will help your little boy grow in confidence and independence just remember that

Freshair1 · 04/09/2023 19:48

Your responsibility as a parent is to be the model of confidence and calm. Work on this.

Aria2015 · 04/09/2023 20:06

We were recommended a book called owl babies to help with understanding that mummy always comes back. It did help a bit. Also nursery allowed then to take a comfort item and my son had a lovey that he was super attached to and that helped too. Both of mine struggled, but it does get better. Quick goodbyes are definitely better than dragging them out. Try and stay positive, they really do pick up on your energy.

anonanon12345 · 05/09/2023 07:12

Let dad take him. Better for everyone from the sounds of it.

smilesup · 05/09/2023 07:19

Even though you don't feel it you must up the acting and be really really positive about nursery in front of him. Do not do what my stupid neighbour did and talk about what a shy, anxious child her DD is in front of her. Telling everyone how much she will hate school.
Do the opposite, tell people in earshot of him how amazing it will be. Tell thm he is going to love it because he will make friends. Talk about all the cool bits like a sandpit/watertable/painting. Learn the teacher's name and talk about them.
But also don't mention it all day everyday just little and often.
Act like you assume he will be fine. Children pick up on this stuff. And let your Dad take him and make that a positive thing.

PinkRoses1245 · 05/09/2023 07:21

Lots of positive talk - he will feed off you being ‘terrified’ so you need to change that mindset or hide it. Talk about all the positives and fun stuff he will do. And I think his dad taking him first day is a great idea

MrsHsGirl · 05/09/2023 07:31

I was beside myself when DS started nursery a few months ago, he was the same (and still is) in that he was very clingy with me. I don't work so he also hadn't been away from me for longer than a couple of hours.

It was difficult at first and he was very upset going in for a while, but the staff were wonderful with him and it gradually got better. At the beginning I was asking the staff what would happen if he didn't ever settle and now he runs in happily shouting about what breakfast he is going to have.

It's hard to believe but he will get there. Sending hugs, it's hard to let them go.

Kirstyshine · 05/09/2023 07:40

Do you want him to go? My child was similar and we home educated, he grew to be very social and independent eventually. This decision had a big impact on my career but has been the right one for our family.

If you want him to go, his dad dropping him off sounds a good idea. And maybe he’ll settle quickly and love it.

jannier · 05/09/2023 07:52

Your anxiety will transfer to him so letting someone else take him will help.

Anna8089 · 14/01/2024 22:10

Literal sigh.

0nceMoreUntoTheBreach · 14/01/2024 22:23

Hi OP,

I was in your shoes 10 years ago. If you have enough money it would be worth getting your son assessed by an educational psychologist, so they can give a letter to the school to put appropriate support in place for him.

It might also help to get yourself some counselling if you can. A counsellor can teach you calming exercises, but they can also teach you have to calmly and assertively explain to school teachers that your child has different needs from the other children. It's likely that this will go on all his life and so if both you and DS can learn to calmly explain his needs then that will really help.

Good luck there. It's great that you care so much about your DS. That is hugely important and will mean a great deal to him.

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