Feeling like I'm never going to enjoy myself ever again

[mamawinter]

Sorry for the long post.
I've been through a few up and down periods with my DD and my feelings towards becoming a mum, things have been really good for the past couple of months but I feel like it's all going downhill again.

She's 5 months in a couple of days and she's been teething for the last 2/3 weeks, her bottom teeth are both through and have been for a few days now but she still chews on her hands, dribbles loads and seems irritable unless she's out and about looking around. I was under the impression it all got better after they cut through but things just seem to be the same.

I'm feeling at a total loss with her naps, I keep her awake for around 2hrs and she sleeps on us during the day, we have tried putting her down numerous times but she always wakes up without fail so we just let her sleep on us as that's the best way for her to get sleep during the day. I want to be able to put her down for her naps so I can get things done around the house but at the same time I don't because sometimes I just want the cuddles and I know they won't last forever.
I don't have set nap times for her in the day, I just put her down after she's been awake for a couple of hours cos that's what has worked for us but the past week or so I've been out with her most days and she will sleep in the pushchair/car but I don't know if this can be classed as "proper" sleep as her evening/nighttime has been a bit disturbed. Whether this is just coincidence and she's also going through different milestones I don't know.

She won't let me put her down on her own during the day so I have to be constantly entertaining her or holding her and I think finding things and ways to entertain her at this age is so hard as she can't sit up or 'play' really. She would lie by herself for a little bit a couple of months back but now she wont. I don't know if it will get better once she can sit/crawl and play by herself more easily, I'm hoping it will.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down the last few days and needed to get things off my chest. Everything about being a parent is really difficult and tiring and I really thought I'd enjoy it more, I do have a partner (her dad) and he does so much, like tonight she's really been fighting sleep and I've just lost the will with her so he has been looking after her for most of the evening. He does work mon-fri so I solo parent during the day in the week. Some days feel long and tiring and the dullness of the day to day stuff gets on top of me sometimes.

I just want to be a good mum and enjoy it, I wish I had loads of patience but I don't and I feel like I give up and let things overwhelm me too easily.
Please tell me things get better the older they get ☹️

It is so hard and can feel relentless at times, can’t it? I know this doesn’t help you right now but I promise it does get easier.

Having a baby is really hard, much harder than people say, in my opinion. You’re not doing anything wrong and it does get a lot easier as they get older and are better able to communicate. You WILL enjoy yourself again.

I have found this stage tough with both of mine. I find that it’s a time where they get easily frustrated and in need of constant entertainment. I also found with both of mine that they were more content out and about watching things going on. Perhaps it’s more to do with the stage she is at rather than teething? I found that things got better with my first when she started sitting and crawling.

Hey OP. Sending you some MN love . It's so tough at the beginning, I felt exactly the same. In fact, I posted on here about it. I don't think I felt "relaxed" for the first 6 months and posted about my home not feeling like mine anymore and not really looking forward to anything. The weight of their unpredictable sleep, illnesses, teething and just grumpiness is hard. I promise it gets so much better: once they can sit up alone, start to crawl, start to have solid food, start to engage more and understand more. My DD is now nearly 14m and I have so many more positive days where life feels a little more "normal".
What really helped me was putting in small things in the week to look forward to such as a bath with some new salts, a walk on my own with a podcast, perhaps even a date night if you're able to get away. Really helped me to focus on something positive.
We also bought a light projector for DD and she would lie down and look at the lights and shapes and let us have a minute.
By the sounds of it, you really care about meeting you LOs needs with contact napping etc. you don't need to enjoy every moment - I'm not sure I know anyone that does tbh as it's so hard, so don't beat yourself up - there's lots to look forward to.

It's hard in the beginning. I wasn't enjoying the early months as much as I am enjoying them now when my DD is 16.5m. To get my DD to nap properly at younger age, I had to start letting her fall asleep in my arms in the bedroom and then slowly lie down and roll on my side so she ended up on the second half of the double bed. Usually I would take a nap too but if I had something to do I would leave her there and she would happily sleep.

Thank you all for your replies. It makes me feel a little better knowing others have felt the same but things have gotten better for you.

Me and my other half do have days to ourselves, we're really fortunate that my in laws are happy to have DD and they love looking after her. We actually have a couple of days booked in where they will have her and we will do our own thing, so that's something to look forward to.
My partner is also taking DD out next Saturday for a day out with his friends to give me some alone time so that will be nice (although part of me still has FOMO over it!!)

I really love her and want to have fun times with her but it feels hard at the moment. I feel like when you plan to have a baby you think of all these nice things, like days out to the farm or park and watching them have fun but you forget about the baby stage where they can't do much.

Funny you say this - she actually loves to sleep in our bed and afternoons when we're at home we will both lie in the big bed together and she will fall asleep and I will either nap with her or get some things done. However I was worried that letting her sleep in our bed too frequently was going to cause problems in the long run but she does sleep in her next to me cot at night.

Yup. I hated this stage too. Where they're developing, and leaping, and regressing all over the place. Where they want to do something, but get frustrated that they can't do it yet.

I can't promise it will get better soon, for me this stage lasted until they could walk, which was around 16-18 months. But honestly, as they get bigger and better able to communicate and move around, it gets so much better. There is light. You just can't see it yet.

Of course you feel that way, you've barely slept in 5/6 months and your every waking moment is dedicated to the needs of someone else.

Don't feel guilty about not loving every moment, overall motherhood is astounding and amazing but moment by moment it can be very dull and hard.

They don't work for everyone, but baby groups can be a godsend - meeting a few other mums can make so much difference. You want nice non-judgy ones. You'll feel better knowing other people have the same challenges and seeing other babies will make you realise that your baby is a unique creature with moods and preferences, and if she has grumpy spells then so do we all.

Even if you're not meeting anyone, go out for walks with the pram and see the world around you. It's far too easy to stay home and go stir crazy.

Naps - I don't know the answer to that.

Yes, it gets easier as you adapt to the role of motherhood. Never stops being a challenge though.

Urgh, 4-6 months was really tough for us. It crept up on me as well. I’d been expecting the newborn bit to be awful (and it was) and for it to get better at 3 ish months (which it did, to an extent). But then 4 months hit and I think DS just moaned solidly for 2 months, basically until he could sit up and was eating solids. To be fair it must be awful being 5 months old. They are so much more alert and understand so much more…but their bodies are still pretty much completely useless. I survived that stage by being out of the house a lot. DS wanted entertaining/distracting all the time too and I found it so much easier out and about then in doors. If we were inside he screamed solidly if I put him down, where as out of the house he tolerated it better. It was about 5 months he went forward facing in both the sling and the buggy and he loved both. I used to just walk him round for hours. The moaning stopped at 6ish months and then it ramped up again in the run up to crawling and walking.

DS1 was a rotten sleeper and 4-6 months was the complete Wild West. He could have the best day of napping on me or catch 20 mins in the car and it wouldn’t matter. The nights were still barbaric. Another good thing about 6 month olds is you can start to consider some form of sleep training if you are that way inclined.

Im on my second baby and I still have no idea how people enjoy the baby stage. My eldest is 3.5 and the toddler and pre school age has been mostly great. Thats when you get the fun at the park or the farm. Even their tantrums are quite cute. Hang on in there.

Personally I wouldn't worry about letting your baby nap on the bed as long as you have a bedtime routine that tells her that it is bedtime for night sleep. I wish I had done this from early on as maybe I had been less sleep starved and enjoyed the time more.

I do enjoy being out the house with her a lot more now, I used to hate it because I was so nervous about her crying. The only problem I have at the moment is the hot weather! I'm in the UK and it's hitting 27 degrees this week so I know we'll be stuck in the house as I just can't cope with it. It's going to be a very long week...

I know... it's already boiling in our flat so am going to do our shopping with DD in a moment (do t drive so we have to walk) and then stay inside with a fan in the afternoon as I don't think it's good for her to be out in 28C

It's such a difficult stage for lots of us. A huge change happened for us when DD got to around 6.5 months and was able to sit up by herself. It was also becoming clear that she could understand a lot of what I was saying by then, so interactions became more meaningful. It is all worth it 😍

Do you have any woods near you (or are you able to get to some?) they are usually lovely and cool and you don't need to worry about sunshades etc so much.

And really, people only care about crying if they're stuck beside it for a long time eg a restaurant or cafe and nothing is done about it - just being out walking and someone nearby hearing some crying won't bother anyone, if anything they will be remembering when they were you. If it's about you not being able to soothe her - is it really easier at home?