DS loves baby but turned against me!

[Gertrudetheadelie]

Morning all! Pretty much as it says in the title really. Our LO is nearly one now and our DS (just turned 5) dotes on her (blows kisses, checks she's okay etc). Objectively, all lovely. However, he's started to make little anti-mum comments like saying he hopes that the cat swipes at my feet , he hopes I get the cold or he hopes that I lose at games and, whilst he's not violent, he'll playfully slap my bottom just a bit harder than is comfortable.

He's a generally lovely boy and we're generally hot on behaviour (including cutlery use and table manners for anyone else on that thread!) but I wonder if that's just making him feel nagged at and criticised compared to the baby who can do no wrong?

Anyone got any wisdom or tips to help him out of this phase?

Hopeful bump?

Well his behaviour seems a bit attention seeking to me. I don’t think he needs parenting or punishment but reassurance and love. Disappointed in You op

DD went through a difficult phase after starting school. Lots of boundary pushing and saying some fairly mean things to us. I wonder if it's just him trying to find his independence. We dealt with it by being firm on non-negotiables such as rudeness while making it clear we loved her etc. Also creating opportunities to be the big sister and take responsibility for some tasks helped I think. Good luck OP - this too shall pass...

What the hell?! 😂 You're disappointed in her?! You know nothing about her!

Thank you to those that have replied! He does get a lot of love! Verbally, cuddles, hugs, attention paid to his interests, I read stories with just him &c gift so I've not shoved him into the coal store just yet (for those that are worried)!

I'd like to point out too that the baby can do no wrong because, you know, she's a baby not because of favourites.

It does feel like attention-seeking and testing of my love.

You might find it helpful to verbalise what he is feeling if he cannot. Eg “are you feeling cross with mummy, is that because we don’t have as much time together?” Or “I can see your feeling annoyed at me. Do you know why?” Or even “I can see your really frustrated today. Shall we see if we can think of something to help”. It’s very powerful to help name emotions.

Are you also pulling the Cillian Murphy disappointed face whilst typing this?

FML MN brings out all the weirdos 🤣🤣

It does sound like an attention seeking which is perfectly normal at his age, especially with a new sibling. Don't overreact, keep it bright and breezy ("oh no I hope the cat doesn't swipe my toes! I like my toes!") and I'm sure it will pass.

No offence but I think you are letting him get away with too much and not asserting your power. He thinks your weak and he seems irritated by you and your weakness. Stop being weak and show your strength he will start respecting you. Not saying physically or mentally abuse him ofc but you do need to show him a bit of might...

This thread has brought out some right weirdos! 🤣

I agree with the above poster. Call him out on his behaviour. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, just ‘That’s not a very kind thing to say’ and then move on. And hitting is not allowed, even if it’s ‘playful’.

It might not be related to the baby though… he might have gone through this phase even if there wasn’t a baby.

Not sure that’s very helpful, but food for thought. And more balanced than some of the replies on this thread 😂

Eh?

I should probably have said that we do call him out on it verbally and he is punished if he continues to behave in an unacceptable way. In fact, people have suggested that we a tough on him!

I'm happy with the way that his individual behaviour is dealt with but I'm concerned that it is a broader pattern that suggests something deeper is going on that I thought people might have experience of and help me to help him through. Thanks to all who have offered ideas :)

I think I would not over-react but I would pull him up on it ‘we don’t hit people’ ‘it’s not kind to hope a cat scratches someone’ and then no further reaction - any kind/good behaviour to you or the baby or anyone, lots of praise and attention.

@Sundaefraise thanks - we are trying to be super positive and give him lots of attention without her too. Fingers crossed this phase will pass!

It will pass, but might take a while- sorry. I fully agree with acknowledging and naming the feelings. We did this and my kids now are really good at explaining how they feel about something, which is super bloody helpful tbh.

@thecatinthetwat yep, I think this is my next move! I've dabbled in this but I think I need to go more fully into it :). Might be useful for my DH to have some men and emotions chat too since he's not the best at explaining how he feels maybe I can kill two birds with one stone! Thanks for replying.

Have you got "how to talk so little kids will listen"? Our DC isn't old enough for these issues yet but everyone told us it's the most useful book for this so we've already been reading up. It's very readable and has lots of nice examples on naming emotions in this sort of case.

@Soverymuchfruit yep! Like you, I read it when he was little but maybe a re-read now would be good. Thanks for the reminder - I'll search it out on the shelf!