Ready for Potty Training?!?

[Cato9lives]

My daughter will be 3 at end of November. She knows when she is pooing and will sneak off to do it behind the sofa. She has done this for a long time. She also tells me when she has done a poo and asks me to change her nappy.

A couple of times over the summer I have tried removing her nappy for a few hours and encouraging her to do a wee on the potty or toilet. I'm pretty sure she knows what I'm asking her to do but every time she ends up weeing on the floor! I think she attempted the potty once when I left her in just pyjama bottoms, but she couldn't pull them down and ended up sitting on the potty and weeing in her Pj's, (I think this is what happened, I didn't actually see as I'd popped into another room at that specific point but there was a little bit of wee in the potty). I praised her greatly for getting some wee in the potty, but this morning she has just weed on the carpet again without warning!
I'm starting to get concerned as she's nearly 3 and she seems very far off using the potty or toilet. Other toddlers her age seem to be well on their way! Wanting to hear from others in similar position. Thanks 🙂

Honestly, it sounds as if she is ready, but you are not ready for her to fail a bit before she gets it.

She knows when she is doing a poo and has tried to do a wee on the potty, so do a weekend with lots of time in loose or no trousers.

No one can tell you if she is ready and you only know after a day or two whether she is improving.

Some kids just magically do it one day, but most do need more training than just seeing if they do it a couple of times. Why not try without any pressure - weather is very nice for the next couple of weeks. Then you can have time outside and save your flooring!

(Ps I think you may need a reward system if nearly 3 as they are less compliant. I'd do choc buttons)

I have just potty trained my son, 3 in feb. We have a childminder, who was happy for him to do lots of nude time in the garden, so he progressed quite quickly after a weekend with lots of accidents the first day and only one the next day. If she is at nursery in the week, you may need to try on two weekends before you send her in to them, if it is improving but not quite there. Or lots of people wait until 3 these days as they have kids in nursery and wait until they are a bit older and get it more quickly. No judgement on you for what you decide, but if you do want her to train at 2 it is likely to require more from you.

Check out the ERIC website, we recommend it on NHS to help with potty training. Loads of videos and tips on how to ease them into it :)

It sounds like she's ready, but you need to commit to it to avoid confusion. Taking her nappy off now and then to see how she gets on is unlikely to have great results I don't think.

Pick a date, get her a book like 'no more nappies' (a lift the flap book my daughter loved) and read it with her on the run up. Keep reinforcing that she's a big girl and won't need nappies soon and then just do it. Take some time off work and keep her at home for a few days. Naked from the waist down and you have to watch her like a hawk... whenever she looks like she needs to go, or starts peeing on the floor, pick her up and sit her on the potty, the. praise loads. Expect accidents... they don't mean she's not ready, she's just learning. This is what I did with my daughter who was the same age as yours and she got it really quickly. I know all kids are different but this is what worked for us.

I did buy the oh crap book and found some of the advice useful but didn't follow it to the letter. One thing I did take from it is always say "push your leggings/tights/knickers down" as opposed to pull. Kids take things literally and when I read this I didn't think it would honestly make much difference but it really did. She really understood the difference between push and pull. Who knew!? Good luck!

We’ve just potty trained DS who is 2.5, and as PP said, it’s something you need to be committed to rather than casual encouragement every now and then. We have friends who have a child who is almost 3, and they’ve been potty training for 6 months - but again, not taken it seriously and instead casually suggest it every now and then. It was their experience that made us decide to do it properly when we started, and we did it over the bank holiday weekend and took an extra day off, so we that we spent 4 days at home not going anywhere so that we can focus on it.

We also geared him up for it in the run up. To be fair it massively helped that nursery said he is curious about children using the toilet so he was keen to do what some of the the other children do, but we also read books, got him excited that he’ll not wear any nappies anymore, and that he’ll pee like mummy on the toilet (and then I would list all the other grown ups in his life and tell him they also pee on the toilet).

We’re not completely there yet, so I’m not going to act like we’ve cracked it, but we’ve made really good progress.

Another thing I read a lot, and which we did with DS, is keep him naked from the waist down. On day 1 we kept him completely naked but after that, he wore a top which we rolled up so that it didn’t sit below his waist. The theory is when they actually see themselves peeing and having accidents, they are more likely to understand what peeing is, what it feels like, and why they need to sit on the potty.

Oh, and one more thing - don’t ask them if they need to pee or sit on the potty, tell them it’s time. Asking always results in a “no”.

It’s hard work, but she will get there! Good luck!

Our nursery said they would carry on the process there. We sent DS to nursery after a few days of potty training, when he was not quite there yet. He did have a lot more accidents on day 1 at nursery, and fortunately we sent him with lots of spare clothes, but has only had the odd accident since.

I think nurseries generally support the process, but there’s also a difference between starting and laying the groundwork at home and expecting nursery to do all the hard work, which is what you often read about on MN and the news!

A couple of times over the summer I have tried removing her nappy for a few hours and encouraging her to do a wee on the potty or toilet. I'm pretty sure she knows what I'm asking her to do but every time she ends up weeing on the floor!

Also, very very normal to wee on the floor when you start potty training (and to do it a lot), so you do need to be prepared for that. Bear in mind they have worn nappies their entire lives and are used to peeing and pooing whenever they want and wherever they are, so you’re teaching their mind and body to change something they have done since day 1.

We just done our son as he turned 3.

Accidents are usual so don't let that out you off. You need a good 4/5 days at home with her if she's in childcare.

Also, stop comparing to others!!!! Doesn't mean a thing of others her age are on the way. I have lots of friends who started a bit younger and they've all regressed and wet themselves now.

Just do it when you're both ready.

My ds has just turned 3. He knows what to do but just very lazy in doing it. He gets distracted really quick.
We're currently having mornings with just pants on. We have accidents but that's to be expected. We have a potty downstairs and I put those disposable bed training mats underneath as he doesn't remember to put his legs together and he sprays up 🙉.

For the toilet upstairs we have the toddler seat with a couple of steps which he uses before bath.

I struggle to commit 100% as I have an 18m dd who needs attention but she's being showing interest so maybe I should show her at the same time.

I tried rewards in the pass but he wasn't interested in stickers.

We go nursery 3 days a week. Not sure yet what my plan is there. Maybe I'll speak to them when he returns.

Thanks to everyone so far for taking the time to respond. We've been trying for 2 days and she hasn't once attempted to go in the potty 😣When we run to her with the potty it's too late! Is it possible that she's just not ready yet?!

She probably is ready. But learning involve making mistakes. Would you withold a pencil from a child until they were "ready" to properly form letters? A few bare bottom days normally makes a big difference - you need to be fairly consistent when they first start. And they will almost certainly wee on the floor quite a few times. It's a muscle memory thing - they recognise they need to go, but have to concentrate to hold it to start with, so as they head to the potty..... whoops. Every time is an opportunity for them to learn and strengthen muscles.

Some children take longer than others. Try not to compare. My eldest was a DREAM in many ways (although we had some poo-witholding issues later). My boys can hold it ages, but still won't say anything when they need to go, they just look panicked and start getting stressed. They have also taken much longer generally and are still often not totally dry for their nap,whereas eldest was reliably dry at night by now. Just take it one day at a time and look forsigns of improvement.

I hate quoting methods because every child is different, but we followed DS round and the second we saw that he started to pee, we carried him to the potty, even though he was done by then. But he still had lots of accidents and we had puddles of pee all day.

It’s completely normal for them to take a couple of days or so to make it to the potty in time and pee in there.

Potty training isn’t easy, and it does sound like you think it should be. You need to change your expectations around how it’s going to go.

@Sensoria

Yes, you are right that lots of nurseries support - I guess what I meant is that if DC isn't there with the understanding and is having lots of accidents you may need to try again before they go in as it is too much like getting nursery to do the work. Otherwise, you need to take several days off to have a fair crack.

@Cato9lives

Have you tried just bribing her with chocolate buttons to do something on the potty at regular intervals with lots of praise, as a starting point? She needs to get and understand the feeling. Otherwise you are just trying to catch it - training you, rather than her! She will have lots of accidents, but that is normal, totally normal.

We have just potty trained DD who just turned 3. I think she was really ready and actually hasn't many accidents, whereas when we tried a couple of months ago, she would go in her pants and not seem to notice or tell us. Also hated sitting on the potty.
Like PP say, we really committed to it. Got her to sit on the potty every 20 mins or so to start, used little chocolate drops for every wee or poo she managed, if she didn't want to sit on the potty then I would say I would read her a story/ do some of sticker book etc whilst she sat but with a very firm you must sit on the potty and see if you need a wee. If she did a wee or poo then big praise, if accident then we said never mind, you're still doing really well. We also got her to choose a new Playmobil set for her to have when she isn't having accidents at all. I gave her a new sticker book after a few days to keep up the momentum, and kept reminding her what she was working towards. She caught on really quick and now just goes by herself when she needs to.
I would have a real proper go at it and if she's still having a lot of accidents after a few days shelve it for a couple of months time.