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Parenting

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Original poster

DS1 is going off on one. I'm trying to stay calm, but struggling so much.

13 replies

Pinkchampagne · 02/03/2008 10:58

He is 8. He was refusing to do as he was told so I threatened to take his toy from him. Continued to mess me about & wouldn't brush his teeth, so I took the toy.
This led to a complete outburst & him screaming at me, so I have sent him to his room for time out.
He is now throwing books at the door & goodness knows what around his room.
I am trying to ignore, but I am struggling so much with his behaviour.
I am on my own with the boys & finding his behaviour really hard to deal with atm.
Sitting here in my room trying not to cry. Feel such a failure of a mum atm.

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Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 02/03/2008 11:04

He seems to have gone right back to how he was in the summer. I am struggling to cope.

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nooka · 02/03/2008 11:05

My ds (also 8) is inclined the same way. If you got him to go to his room then you are doing really well, and should congratulate yourself on carrying through discipline. How is he when he has calmed down? Mine is very apologetci and sweet, so I know I have cuddles ahead, which helps! It is tough though!

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 02/03/2008 11:11

He is still going off on one. He is angry that I have taken the toy from him & put it on top of my wardrobe until he earns it back.

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Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 02/03/2008 11:27

He has eventually calmed down & I have got him to pick up all the things that were thrown around his bedroom floor.
We had a hug, but I haven't given him the toy back straight away, which led to another mini outburst.

Where am I going wrong? He would never ever behave like this for his dad.

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OneHandedTypist · 02/03/2008 11:41

Maybe it's not safe 4 him 2 b angry around his dad? Maybe he bottles his feelings up which is very bad, in itself, too.
Feel like i dont know all backgrnd so no advice, but I do have a sulky 8yo ds, too, so commiserations.

juuule · 02/03/2008 12:28

If he's picked up his stuff when asked, why haven't you given him his toy back?

nooka · 02/03/2008 12:28

My ds is never that bad for his dad either. But his dad is 6'5" and a very scary shouter (although gentle at heart - he just trained as a teacher and learnt how to bellow). I don't think I'm a soft touch, but it's all in proportion isn't it? I did read somewhere that children onlly really let go with their emotions when they feel completely safe (not sure I believe it, but it did make me feel better!). I've just asked ds and he tells me that "Daddy just shouts too much" for him. I do think it's worth having a chat with your son about his feelings and behaviour some time when you are both feeling calm and happy together. Bed time always works with my son as he is always keen to put off going to sleep, and we can cuddle up together and chat without dd feeling jealous.

cornsilk · 02/03/2008 12:31

He's picked up his stuff so I would give him the toy if it was me. Sounds like my ds.

colditz · 02/03/2008 12:34

You are being fab, and consistency itself, and while he is fighting you, he is feeling the boundries you are setting, and feeling the love which compels you to set them

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 02/03/2008 17:35

I maybe should have given him the toy right back, but wanted proof he was going to behave first. Thought giving it back immediately would just make me look a soft touch (which his dad always accuses me of being & tells me this is why I have problems), but maybe I was wrong there.

The behaviour problems continued when we got to my parents. He was being very silly at the start, which I ignored, then when we wanted to get in the car, he ran through the gates to the back garden. He then refused to put his seat belt on & wouldn't put his arm through the seat belt when I fastened it. He was laughing the whole time, so it was real attention seeking behaviour.
He continued like this, and my dad said "What is up with him - it is like he's on drugs or something!"

I tried to ignore as much as I could, but when I heard my parents mutter how his head was done in from our marriage break up, I was close to tears. I knew they were probably right, but didn't know how to make things better.

Eventually after being ignored for the bad behaviour, he came round & has been ok for the rest of the day. Now we are home he can have the toy back.

I am just finding it very very hard to get it right atm.

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Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 02/03/2008 17:50

He has his toy back & is behaving well now.
I am just finding motherhood a struggle atm & feel I am going so wrong.

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OneHandedTypist · 02/03/2008 19:05

Motherhood is f'in.g tuff.
Would u accept a hug? OO
Keep talking 2 him y ur disciplining as u r, i expect ul muddle thru.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 02/03/2008 20:16

Thanks, OHT. I have spoken to him, and he has drawn me a picture tonight.

It is just so hard to know how to deal with him when he behaves like he did earlier. I did what I thought was right, but probably handled it totally wrong, which was why I had the outburst from him.
I guess I need to prepare myself for it getting harder in the coming years & need to toughen up a bit.

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