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Original poster

8 year old sleep

12 replies

sleepisfottheweak · 31/08/2023 20:01

My 8 year old is terrible at sleeping.
I've probably not helped - I've put her to bed and stayed til she was asleep for her whole life, she co slept with us for 6 years (always started in her own bed, ended up in ours) but honestly we saw no other way (other than no one sleeping, meltdowns etc).
It came to a head 2 weeks ago when I spent over three hours putting her to bed and she just would not sleep.
This just couldn't continue so we said that she has to go to bed by herself as me putting her to bed does not work any more.
So as a result of saying she has to go to bed by herself we're having meltdowns every night.
She has managed to go to sleep by herself for a week but bedtimes have been horrific for the whole family.
We've tried mindfulness, reading, night lights, being calm but firm, no screen time, reward charts.
I have no idea what else to do. Please help!

OP posts:
QuietDragon · 31/08/2023 20:08

What does she do when she's in her room? Is she upset and crying the whole time or just pottering about?

As long as she's in her room, I wouldn't worry about whether she is asleep or not. I would definitely go cold turkey and never sit in her room again.

Have you seen the GP? Could it be a medical issue?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/08/2023 20:12

Literally keep going- it’s been ingrained in her that if she keeps up enough of an issue nothing changes. She’s 8, enough is enough.

Original poster
sleepisfottheweak · 31/08/2023 20:13

Thank you for responding. She's upset the whole time Sad we've tried saying it doesn't matter if you're asleep, just read until you feel tired but she gets so worked up and won't

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/08/2023 20:20

Do you think she’s anxious? What about crystals or worry beads by her bed?

Original poster
sleepisfottheweak · 31/08/2023 20:32

I suspect anxiety plays a big part, but we're absolutely exhausted with it all. There's only so much you can say without going around in circles and she pretty much ignores mindfulness, so I have no idea how to help her. I might have to take her to the GP to see what they suggest Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepisfottheweak · 31/08/2023 20:32

She does like crystals so I might try that take, thank you

OP posts:
Embarrassednamechangeadoddle · 31/08/2023 22:46

Have you read any stuff by Hey Sigmund? I have found info on her website helpful and I am sure there was some bit about anxiety linked sleep issues. She also has a great book that attempts to explain what happens in your body when you feel anxious, so children can understand. Might be worth a look. I used her ideas for sorting out my sons sleep a few years ago.

Smfedup · 31/08/2023 22:52

I feel for you OP, my 7 year old is pretty much the same! I’ve given up now on trying to leave her alone to sleep, luckily most of the time I stay with her she falls asleep within 10 minutes but sometimes it can be a lot longer.

With my DD it is a lot of anxiety about being left, probably from me and her Dad splitting up. It helps us to have a good night time routine, which takes a lot longer than most would. I spend around an hour with her before she goes to sleep, colouring or doing some homework, writing together in her gratitude journal and cuddling so I have a good time spent checking in with her before the day ends.

shes also a crystal fan so she has some that are good for sleep by her bed, if you DM me I can recommend some.

I’ve also bought her a kingsize bed for those truly awful nights when I just climb in with her!

OneMoreCookieMonster · 31/08/2023 23:05

Audio books were a game changer here. And if dc wakes at night they can put it back on. And, we let them keep the door open but no lights or night light.

The audio book doesn't replace us doing the whole bedtime routine thing and story, its in addition to. Before they know it they have fallen asleep.

Helpful tip, listen to one in the car or during breakfast first. Mine gets distracted from sleep if it's a new story

MuggleMe · 31/08/2023 23:07

My 6yo was terrible for coming out and saying she couldn't sleep after a few minutes of 'trying'. Got her a large 30 min sand timer and once it's out of sand she has permission to find me and I do a couple mins resettle and reset the timer. Worth a try?

TriedToMakeMeGoToRehab · 31/08/2023 23:12

MuggleMe · 31/08/2023 23:07

My 6yo was terrible for coming out and saying she couldn't sleep after a few minutes of 'trying'. Got her a large 30 min sand timer and once it's out of sand she has permission to find me and I do a couple mins resettle and reset the timer. Worth a try?

I would try this too with an Audio book playing. Your local library will be able to set you up with an app so they can choose up to 6 books for ours and swap them regularly. You can play them on an iPad/tablet or a phone or iPod etc. I set a sleep timer for 45 mins and it’s very rare we have to reset it. I’d also sit outside her room for a few nights for reassurance that you’re close by personally as she’s still getting so upset. It’ll be a big change for her. I did “gradual retreat” when mine were little. You move further away from the bed every few nights. It always worked although if they were ill it would all go to pot and I’d often have to do it again when they were better.

Oaktree1952 · 31/08/2023 23:14

Have you tried audio books? My children listen to them to go to sleep as they were over thinking things and just needed their brains to switch off. Nothing heavy and usually a book designed for children a couple of years younger so that it's easy to follow without thinking about it.

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