What the hell has happened to my 4 year old ?

[Letsbekindplease]

Hi.

I’ll keep this quite short.

my son turned 4 at the end of July. We’ve noticed over the last 2 weeks that his behaviour has totally changed. examples of this

not listening
saying no constantly.
if asking him to come back or stop, continues to walk ahead and will not stop
refusing to eat dinner most nights
reading book in bed and because it’s a book he doesn’t want will shout “the end”
jist being very cheeky
Totally understand this is all normal, he has always put a bit of a fight up, but this has just tenfold out of absolutely nowhere. I don’t know how to deal with it.

we discipline and are keeping to this so he knows he isn’t getting away with these behaviours but it’s so hard. He is back on the naughty step multiple times a day.

i can’t help but feel a bit sad about these new behaviours. He is just being a constant pain and I feel like I’m constantly getting on at him.

is this normal? Is it a leap. ?

Is it maybe linked to the prospect of starting school?

It’s normal, just don’t give up. Keep firm boundaries in place

How is he feeling about school?

Has anything else changed?

He’s getting a more independent stage in his development which is why it’s a good time for this age group to start school. He will be testing boundaries and this is where you need to adapt by picking your battles and dealing with a quiet positive authority. This means fuck off the ‘naughty step’ and just expect compliance - don’t give him choices, give him fewer verbal commands. So for example:

If he doesn’t want dinner fine. But that’s it - no other food on offer.
If he doesn’t want a book. Fine but it’s lights out and go to sleep.
Walking off ahead means you hold his hand firmly and he does not get to walk by himself.
Cheekiness is totally ignored with no eye contact or acknowledgment.

All of this is done in a firm, chirpy Mary Poppins authoritative way where there is no room for him to play up. Any dissent is dealt with by disappointed mummy and daddy who are cheerfully getting on with (dinner /playing/ cuddling etc) whatever - and are sad that the bad behaviour means he can’t be part of it. Don’t use the bloody stupid step - use the communication of love and connection.

I’m Scotland. He doesn’t start school until next August.
he’s at nursery and has been since a baby, so nothing changed there

nothing recently has happened. My dd wasn’t well with a couple of bugs and we went away for a week (beach caravan). His behaviour changed before then though
can’t work out what it is.

He is the most gentle little soul. Can be very shy. I’ve noticed he seems to be coming out his shell a bit around the same time this all started happening. Not completely. If I meet someone in the street and they try to speak to him he will literally hide behind me and not speak. Takes a while to come out his shell.

I’ll add the naughty step. He doesn’t get left at it unless he needs to calm down. We take him there to speak with him about behaviour. He knows this is where he’s in the wrong and he does listen, understand and we hug it out.

Thanks for this detailed reply.

we actually do a lot of this. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I can stray, but I always try and keep things short and sweet and to the point.
you don’t want dinner, then he doesn’t get pidding. Once he realised this, he sat for 30 mins and took himself back to the table and finished his dinner (obv I heat it up again). So he knew he wasn’t winning that fight.

I will keep at it. Just wanted to know if this is normal behaviours. I feel it’s just come from absolutely nowhere. Like, he woke up one morning and was “changed”

He’s just changing OP. As you said, he’s coming out of his shell and he’s trying to figure out where he fits in the world with the beginnings of a bit more confidence that comes with age. He’s a 4 year old so that will manifest in resistance and cheekiness. I completely agree with @Screamingabdabz approach. DC1 is a similar age and I’ve found, often via the hard way, that all things like ‘naughty step’ do is reinforce the behaviour. They love the reaction and they aren’t developed enough to see it as an opportunity to sit and reflect on ‘bad behaviour’. It’s clearly not having the desired affect if he’s on it multiple times a day anyway.

you Guys are right.
ok. New day tomorrow. I’ll scrap the naughty step.

Thanks is for your replies

Sounds like my 2.5 year old to be honest! Hope things improve OP! What works with my DC is really low energy and calm but clear commands like 'stop' or 'come here'. Raised voices and any dramatic reactions only get him more excited and defiant

Also distraction works wonders. Always have a little something in your pocket, or a job for him to do…….