Would I get a sickline?

[Janebloom]

Just looking some advice from anyone who has been in this situation. I am due back to work next month, my baby will be 10 months. I am feeling extremely anxious about going back to work for a number of reasons and my friend suggested asking GP for a sick line, I've never done this and don't know if a GP will agree. My mental health is pretty poor for a number of reasons;

1. Baby is EBF, doesn't take a bottle or dummy, doesn't really eat alot, is breastfed thought-out the day and to sleep and Wakes multiple times a night. I'm stressed how I'll leave baby with anyone as he'll barely even let his dad hold him and I will need to continue to breastfeed him until he's 1 at least. I've never left my baby for more than an hour for this reason.
2. My parent has been diagnosed with a degenerative life limiting condition which has affected their mental health and they've attempted to take their life twice. I would be a carer for them alongside the other parent and see them daily to offer support.

I feel sick with worry thinking about my parent and my baby needing me and me being in work. I feel if I even had a few months to get baby prepared for being away from me and organise more help for parent's I may feel better. I work in quite a high stressful job (child protection social worker) and would get up to 6 months sick pay with a sick line but I just don't know if a GP would do it? I know other social workers have just "gone off on the sick with stress" from the job in the past but I've never done that. I can't afford to take unpaid leave at the moment or I would. Anyone had this before?

Well, a few issues here.

You are entitled to sick leave, even if tacked onto your maternity leave -if you are actually sick. You should be treated the same as any employee at your workplace.

A doctor is very unlikely to sign you off work for months. They might suggest a week or so if you are sick. You can self-certify for the first week. I’ve never heard of the term “sick line”, by the way.

Your workplace does not have to keep your job open for you, as long as they don’t discriminate against you.

What steps are you taking to help alleviate your stress? Are you on medication? Talking therapy? Etc.

What were your original plans for childcare and returning to work? Obviously, you’ve had many months to plan for this, and it seems a bit odd that you are meant to be back next month and the baby still hasn’t spent any time away from you.

How much organising help for your parent do you need to do? Why would it take months? How close do they live? If they are a dependant, you might be able to take dependants leave - useful for one-off emergencies. If you are a carer, you might get some funding for this, but it won’t be anywhere near a job salary.

I'm sorry you have such a lot on your plate.

Generally GPs are compassionate but a GP won't just write you a fit note for 6 months and your employer would likely want to maintain regular contact with you whilst off sick to understand how they can support you to return. You would be subject to sickness procedures. That might mean weekly or fortnightly phone calls to check in with you and get updates or might involve HR visiting you at home.

From your employer's perspective it might cause concern if you present a fit note once your maternity pay ends and then immediately present as fit to work once your sick pay ends.

What's your employer's absence policy for long term sick leave? In terms of absence management and moving to dismissal.

How were you originally planning to manage the return to work? Can any of that plan still be used in some way? You mention wanting to breastfeed until your son is 1, so that's not new (or an illness of yours) - how were you planning to manage that originally?

Going back to work after an absence of nearly a year and a half will be even more difficult. What's your plan for yourself in terms of how you get yourself to a place where that will be manageable? What support will you need to adjust and settle back in? The longer you are away the more nervous you are going to feel when it is time to return, so you should factor this into your thinking.

Are you receiving any support for yourself in caring for your parent?

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/supporting-yourself/

Is there any support your employer could provide to help you manage this transition? Do you have access to therapy? Would an occupational health referral help? (If you're going to be off long term sick they may initiate that process anyway to obtain a medical report.)

You should be able to self refer through IAPT for free basic counselling or CBT on the NHS. If there is a charity for your parent's condition, they may also have helplines, support services or signposting to support.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/social-care-and-your-rights/how-to-access-mental-health-services/

https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/managing-pregnancy-and-maternity-workplace/faqs-employees/returning-work-illness-end-maternity-leave

Thank you both for writing back, there were a lot of questions so I'll try my best.

I'd hoped DS would take a bottle but he continues to refuse. I'd hoped I would have been able to leave him with different people and enjoy some nights out etc but that hasn't been able to happen
The plan was for me to take 9 months and then use AL for a month and get baby into a private daycare. We have him signed up to start but no idea how it'll work if he won't take food or a bottle

My parent has been ill for a number of years but the attempts to take their own life has only been in the last year. I am not an official carer but live nearby and provide support.

I was not wanting to take 6 months but possibly 4 weeks. When parent was first diagnosed my brother got a sick line from the GP for 3 weeks due to the impact on his own mental health but I didnt as i was about to go on maternity leave.

It's pretty standard for people to take a year maternity and then use AL so be off as long as me. If I'd known this would be the situation I would have done that but my pay has been spread over the 9 months so would be unpaid the last 3

Unfortunately in my work many people go off work due to stress so it wouldn't be that out of the ordinary

i Mean you can ask but if the GP does give you a sick note (assume that’s what you mean), it would only be short term and they’d keep assessing if it needs extending. Also you need to check your work sick leave policy, as some only give a limited amount of sick days on full pay. Could you get by on statutory sick pay?

You and your partner need to work
together to get baby eating more and drinking from a bottle or cup. It will be hard initially but you need to persevere. I’d even suggest you leave home for a half day or day and increase this gradually, so baby won’t smell your milk.

Can you not just take 12 months' ml then your al , to at least buy you time to get on top of things. Have you already given notice of your intended return date?

I won't get paid for the last 3 months which will be very difficult to manage but may be the only option. Definitely need to try him more with a cup, this definitely wasn't how I'd planned things to go and it's making me feel terrible. I actually want to go back to work to have a break from my life as I'm constantly needed by baby and family but feel guilty and that people will suffer

Can you self refer for talking therapy? It might help you get perspective and working may be a positive distraction.

Sorry I forgot to say I didn't expect you to post your answers to all my questions. I meant them as prompts to help you work out what you wanted to do, rather than an interrogation, apologies.

You can self certify the first 7 days. If you look on your GP website they may have a specific online form to request fit notes (or appointments to discuss fit notes). They might offer a fortnight initially and then could review and issue another one to run continuously if it needs extending. Four weeks is not so long in the scheme of things.

The AL you're using - is that your accrued AL or does that include your current year entitlement as well? I.e. is there any scope to take a bit more?

Does your employer offer loans/advances? Eg to pay you some salary in advance for a couple of months while on unpaid leave and then claw it back from salary once you return. (They may not.)

Could you go back part time if you weren't originally planning that? Even on a temporary basis? If you do take a period of sick leave you could agree a phased return afterwards to gradually build up to full time. That might take some pressure off.

this definitely wasn't how I'd planned things to go and it's making me feel terrible

Please don't do that to yourself. Life has a habit of not respecting even our best plans, don't give yourself a hard time over it. Focus on what you can do to move forward.

If you haven't already, maybe also worth a check whether you would be eligible for universal credit if you extend your maternity leave for the unpaid period.

https://www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave/extra-help

https://www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

They will advise you to self certify for a week, then might sign you off for a week or two weeks at a time and then review. They won't sign you off for months and months.

You will have to be in contact with HR and your doctor constantly to review going back to work, it can be stressful and if I'm honest what you've listed doesn't seem like you're actually unwell?

Can you not extend your mat leave to the full 52 weeks and then use annual leave?

So you can't take longer mat leave as assume you would want to be paid ' sick leave ' am I reading that right?

I took last 3 months unpaid as I didn't feel ready to go back, anxious etc and have had a lot of external issues to deal with also but I would have never have dreamt taking sick leave

If I've read that correctly.....

Is your baby taking any food at all? It reads as if he isn't?

Lots of 10 month olds go to nursery and manage without milk for the day. I remember being really worried about my first as she hardly ate and was a lockdown baby so basically never left my side.

She very quickly learned to eat more at nursery and we’d have a big breastfeed as soon as we got home. She never took a bottle but she’d just make up for it when we were together.

Sometimes the idea of leaving the baby is worse than the reality. My second has just started nursery and is completely fine after the initial drop of tears. He’s a little bit older because I took the full year ML + some AL but again it hasn’t been nearly as bad as I thought.

You might find baby copes a lot better than you think

Have you sought any advice from the HV/GP etc about your son's eating? Does he drink water OK?

Can you take an extra month of ML instead of trying to take 4 weeks sick?

Thanks, I'm going to talk to HR about extending mat leave by a month or two or just take unpaid leave if manage will agree.
Think the stress of going back and forward with GP and work will just add to the anxiety. Will definitely use the next month to encourage more cup use, he will try a bit of foods but will not really eat, I'm going to speak to my HV as I think he should be eating more by now

Just chipping in that if you look in the nursery/childcare sections here you will find lots of threads started by parents who say things like my 9 month old is due to start nursery next week but refuses to sleep unless I hold them, they cry every time anyone who isn't me holds them, they feed to sleep every time, what can I do, they will never cope at nursery. And 99% of the time it ends up fine. Babies behave differently at nursery, it's a different environment and you aren't there. If it's your house where you usually do XYZ and you are there, of course your baby defaults to that. But in a new place, without that association, where you aren't there, they adapt to new behaviours. Haven't you heard about toddlers who only sleep in pitch darkness with white noise at home and never eat a vegetable, but at nursery they nap on a mat in a bright noisy room and join in enjoying vegetable curry with everyone else? So many people have "velcro" clingy babies and very very set routines, but the babies do fine in childcare and adapt to a totally new environment.