Toddler being awful towards new sibling

[Blackberryflower]

Toddler is 2 years 9 months and his new sister is 6 weeks. So it’s early days, but he’s just being awful. He tries to kick her, head butt her and uses objects to hit her with. He laughs when told not to. The only thing that has any effect is a time out in his bedroom but although this has an effect it’s very temporary and he starts the horrible behaviour again. He also deliberately wakes her if she’s sleeping. It makes days very stressful as I struggle to even go to the toilet.

I thought we’d prepared him for her arrival but I don’t know if we didn’t do something very well or if it’s just normal though upsetting. Any advice?

I have a similar age gap, but youngest is now 5months. Toddler’s behaviour was always worst when tired or hungry. If I was feeding baby, I found it useful to give toddler a snack at that time too. Lots of praise for good behaviour and kind hands, roll modelling with teddies/toys about how to behave with the baby when toddler is playful and in calm mood, tv/books about siblings, my toddler loved helping give baby a bath and also playing ‘putting baby to bed’ so we did loads of that - see if there is a game they can play with the baby as you supervise.
Something a friend said also resonated with me - the toddler knows if you’re prioritising the baby over them but the baby doesn’t know if you prioritise the toddler. So, when you can give the toddler your attention first as it means a lot to them.
Good luck, it’s hard work!

I have a similar gap and my baby is now 9 months and they are so sweet together so hold in there it does get easier / better.

@Whatisityoucantface has some great advise. For my toddler breastfeeding was a massive trigger for him to lash out. So we turned breast feeding time into story time. Every time I needed to feed my 2 yo choose a book to read, seemed to work and treat and we also talked loads about how much the baby liked the book. One of the earliest cutest moments between them was when the baby was on dad's Lao and my 2 yo said baby likes this book and went and got it and read it to him.

You have my sympathies, does the older one go to nursery? Or will he go when a bit older?

He isn’t being “awful” you really really need to reframe that. He’s letting you know how sad and unhappy he is that his life is turned upside down.

yes enforce boundaries and consequences. Try and distract divert from trigger times and reinforce positive behaviour and spend one on one time when you can. But don’t demonise. He’s still a baby too.

No one’s demonising; I’m trying to be factual in what I’m saying here.

Thanks @Whatisityoucantface and @Coffeaddict , that is helpful. He does attend nursery for two days, it’s hard for the other days!

I had a 2 year gap. I spent a lot of time talking about mummy having 2 hands one to hug each boy and like a previous poster baby feeding time was story time and DS1 could choose as many books as he liked while his brother fed. We had a lot of books but as DS2 fed a lot, I ended up knowing most off my heart....