How Vain are your DC's and should this be discouraged

[Notalone]

DS age 6 is ALWAYS looking in mirrors and likes to look nice. We were in M & S today, DS is poncing about in the stetson hat he had just purchased from the pound shop with his pocket money, and he randomly comes out with "I'm the best looking boy in the world aren't I Mummy??". Now to me, of course he is, but I just didn't know what to say. I don't want to put him down but nor do I want to give him the idea that he is gods gift. Have met men like this and its usually transpires that mummy has always told them how perfect they are, so they grow up to be arogant arses.

So, are your DC's vain? How do you deal with DC's with such high opinions of themselves and do they grow out of it or does it only get worse?

I try to push the "beautiful on the inside!" message!! Not sure how successful, I am, mind you!! DD1 is 4 and wants to wear make-up !!!

My eldest is becomming quite vain, he's 9 and has begun obsessing over his hair, making sure that it's parted at just the right angle etc and he wanted me to let him splash all his birthday money on some £45 Vans trainers.

If ever we're in a shop or pass a mirror anywhere he will look in and stare at himself but rather than go on about how gorgeous he is he says stuff like "I'm so ugly" and he then looks at me awaiting the predictable response (no you're not!, you're gorgeous!)

I got bored of the attention seeking after a while and whenever he says he's ugly I just say "don't be daft" and leave it at that.

I would'nt ever tell a child they were not good looking but if the boasting was becomming a problem I'd start saying stuff like "its not good to boast" etc or maybe say something like "everyone is beautiful in different ways" ... a bit "pc" maybe but I've said it to my DS before in an attempt to push the equality thing.

I would have answered "You are to me, son" and if he wanted to know why not to everyone, I'd have gone into the whole objectivity of beauty thing.

None of my 3 give a rat's arse how they look (more's the pity!)

Think I said something like "Its not nice to show off" or something along those lines, but its hard to know what to say sometimes.

I like the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and I hope he would understand something like that as well. With DS though he thinks everything is gorgeous and he is full of compliments to everyone. I could be standing in my bedroom with my mankiest clothes, no make up and a huge pre menstrual spot and he will still come up and say "mummy, you look gorgeous in those grey baggy trousers" bless lol!

DD asked me if she was lovely, so I replied that she certainly had no self esteem issues!

...I have also used "I've never really thought about it" and "is it important?"

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it at his age.

I think it is probably better than having a low opinion of himself. I want him to grow up with confidence and nil feelings of inadequacy, but humble at the same time IYKWIM

It's tricky. We've always told my girl she's gorgeous, clever, etc. Now she's 7 and she's always telling us that she's gorgeous, clever, etc.....and it sounds a bit OTT sometimes.

BUT...as you say, better to have confidence than feelings of inadequacy.

I sometimes say to DD that she must be careful who she says this stuff to as they might be a bit miffed if they think she's saying she's better than them...and just because she's good at reading/spelling, whatever it may be, that doesn't mean she's better than anyone else. It just means she's good in her own right.

So hopefully, she doesn't ram it down her peers throats like she does down ours!!!

Eeee...when I were a lass, me mam used to tell me I were crap and I had to get big eaded to balance things out like!!!

mmm - we're finding this one tricky.

I too, have always told my dd's how fabulous/beautiful/smart they are (and of course, they are ) but just recently dd1 (8) has become very vain. It doesn't help that she has the most amazing eyes (long black curly lashes, top and bottom ) and gets told this by strangers on a daily basis. She is now teetering on becoming obsessive though and it reaaaaaally worries me!

If she bangs herself, or if her baby sister scratches her face, she runs to the mirror to check that there aren't any marks
She is mortified if there are

Dh and i are really trying to push the 'being beautiful on the inside is far more important message' but atm its not getting through

Good to read some replies saying that they don't think that this is a problem though ...

I think life offers plenty of opportunities to humble a person later in life so I'd much rather my DC are confident, so they don't stop themselves from trying to do new things/go to new places. DS has a very odd run, more like dressage trotting, but we still tell him he's a fast runner, because if he thought he wasn't, he wouldn't do it at all. Plus, like you said Notalone, they also learn how to pay compliments too.

I DO remember that my mum used to tell me I was very vain when I was about 7 or 8, because I was always looking at myself in the mirror, but I was doing it out of curiosity rather than anything else. (In fact was painfully shy)

Anyway, we're their mums, it's our job description to find them gorgeous. My dad often describes former colleagues as having faces that "only a mother could love"...

I remember Dawn French saying her size has never mattered to her as her parents always told her she was beautiful. Obviously she is so they were speaking the truth but I would love my daughter to have similar self assurance something I never had so I'm afraid I'm constantly telling my 3 they are the most beautiful children in the world-well actually they are.

I think vanity is different to quiet assurance that you're beautiful, I don't care how confident she is, the more confident the better IMHO. I do emphasise the importance of treating people properly though and qualities that are attractive in people like kindness and also that everybody is different and has their own beauty. I think however beautiful they grow up to think they are as long as they recognise good qualities in people it doesn't matter.