Do I have to pay full child maintenance?

[worrieddad1]

Hi everyone, i pay private child maintenance to my ex partner who I share 2 children with (2 & 4) I also pay half her mortgage as she only works part time. She has nursery paid for and our eldest starts school next month on pupil premium and also claims full benefits. The child maintenance I pay is as if I see them for 1 day a week. However, I have them 2 nights after work and 1 day on the weekend, overnight every other week whenever I am allowed. Recently I have been having them 4 days a week. I am also being asked to send more money for things like shoes and haircuts. A lot of people are telling me I am being taken for a ride but I worry if I argue back she will take them away from me? She won't allow me to have them 50/50 as it affects her benefits. She also won't sell the house even though it is not adequate for 2 children as it is a 2 bedroom house. My youngest sleeps on a blow up mattress :(

Please can I have some advice?

I think the overnights are the only thing that count towards child maintenance so yes you need to pay that. Also if you co own the house you do need to pay your half of the mortgage, if it is solely her house then the mortgage is her responsibility not yours. The extras though are up to you, if you can't afford them you can't afford them. A 2 bedroom house is fine for children of those ages, they can share a room, but they should have a proper bed (bunk beds of 2 beds cannot fit in the room) but unless you are buying the bed, you can't really insist on it.

I think you need to see a solicitor and have a formal childcare arrangement drawn up. You can not live indefinitely expecting that she will withdraw contact. Assuming you have parental responsibility you will be able to ask for more overnights. Keep records of how often you currently have the children.

Go to court and get a contact order.

Only the overnights count for CM. As a PP said you do have to pay the mortgage if your name is on it. Legally you don't have to pay the extras, morally... that's up to you.

Why isn't a 2 bed house adequate? Why is the youngest on an airbed? I'm in a 2 bed house with 2 DC. We all have a proper bed and always have done.

This. I also think you are paying for too much.

You do need to see a solicitor and get a child care agreement in place. Only overnights count in CMS. I don't think you do have to pay mortgage, if you have no access to live there. It would probably be more fair if the house was sold and your ex rented because she'd get a housing allowance if renting. You'd get some equity back too in case you want to take out a new mortgage at some point.

@drpet49 I don't think it's been stated how much OP is paying so how do you think it's too much?

Go to the CMS and say you wish to calculate how much you should be paying. Its roughly 20% of your income until they turn 18, or 19 in full time education.Then pay this as a local family arrangement. If she complains CMS can collect it from your wages and pay it to her but they deduct a fee.

As others have said, it's a joint mortgage, with your name on, you are responsible for this until property is sold. Again this is a joint decision. Regardless of your relationship status, this is legally your joint financial responsibility.

Clearly you wouldn't let your children go shoeless. Take them shopping for school uniform they can wear at your end, ditto other clothing and footwear. This is what my ex did and it was fair and equitable. She may be keeping the house to provide a familiar home for them ( two beds is fine, bunk beds are cheap secondhand. Offer to help build them for her if your children need it) and working part time to raise and parent those kids, and benefits arent as huge as you might believe. It seems you care for and about your children and want to be fair, but not a cash machine.

My children are now in their teens. They know which parent has disposable income. They ask. At your childrens age they cant.

Try mediation first you have to before court anyway. CMS doesn't affect benefits. Does she not work?

A 2 bed house is fine the kids can share a bedroom for now surely.

You need a solicitor. Are you named on the house deeds? If not you have no obligation to pay the mortgage.

Best thing to do is go to court, you’ll likely be awarded 50/50 contact if that’s what you want (and it does sound like it is in the best interest of the children) and then you’ll just be responsible for the cost of the children when they are with you.

Seek some advice. In my opinion losing benefits isn't a good enough reason to stop an involved father having equal or close to equal access to children. It is also completely unfair for you to feel held over a barrel with access to children being used or fear of being used if financial demands haven't been met.

If you are concerned about sleeping arrangements I wonder if it would be worth raising them with the children's health visitor. Everyone should have a bed, you can't get good restful sleeping spending more than the odd night on a blow up bed.