How to stop 21m old DS pulling hair?

[Stoptheclimbing]

I am really running out of ideas. Nursery keep telling me that my DS is pulling various staff members' hair. He does this to me, too, if I forget to tie my hair back.

This week, the leader of the under twos room seemed to imply that I might be contributing to this problem by rarely wearing my own hair down in DS's presence. (I thought it was just common sense to keep my own hair tied back until he got old enough to work out that pulling my hair hurts me).

Dutifully, I wore my hair down all weekend, and it has been a nightmare. It seems a bit ludicrous that I am having to subject myself to this (and the tantrums from time out etc that follow after he does pull my hair).

I don't think having my hair down is helping him learn anything at this age, and it just seems like waving a red rag at a bull.

Thoughts from anyone who has successfully stopped their own toddler from doing this are very welcome!

What do you do when he pulls your hair.
Do you instantly put him on the floor whilst saying no with a stern voice ?

I previously tried saying no in a stern voice, but he found this funny and would always just laugh.

My current approach, is that as soon as he pulls my hair, I sit him on my lap so he is facing away from anything of interest, like toys, and we both stay there for 30 seconds to 1 minute, during which I don't speak.

The advice that I have been given is that all fun/interaction with me needs to stop as soon as he does it, but that he's far too young to stay in a spot by himself for a time out, or to understand me saying "pulling hair hurts" or similar.

He clearly doesn't enjoy this new approach, but it doesn't seem to be providing any deterrent to yanking my hair yet. I know these things can take time, but have been doing this for a month or so now and he's still pulling my hair.

I have a DS the same age, I would put him down on the floor and say “ouch”.

I find the best approach is a really flat voice. Then teach him “gentle hands” and go super over the top with positivity and praise when he’s being gentle.

Saying "ouch" just amuses my DS. He previously went through a phase of pulling my hair and saying "ouch" himself while smiling. (I actually had to try my utmost not to laugh at that).

Currently, I try to give as little reaction (in terms of sound or facial expressions) as I possibly can when he pulls my hair.

If a child pulled my hair I'd say no in stern voice, and immediately put him down and ignore for a few minutes. You must be consistent when he does it.

I am having to hold him on my lap for a time out, because if I "put him down" and ignore him, he will just escalate by thumping me on the leg or, very occasionally, even biting me. That's why I am asking for help here, because the standard approach doesn't seem to be working for my DS.

I am hoping that someone will be along soon who has experience with extremely spirited toddlers.

He's only 21 months old, so my understanding is that he's just trying to get my attention and has no real ability to comprehend that he's hurting me.

Keep trying this approach, he's had a while of attention from the hair pulling so it might take a while to work attention seeking is a learned behaviour so it takes A while to get bored. You could also take his hand in yours and wait him out till he let's go but again say nothing.

Mine didn't pull hair, but he did bite sometimes when overexcited. I'm not convinced 21 months is too young to be told that it hurts you and makes you sad (even if that on its own doesn't stop it). But what worked for us was anticipating when he was going to do it (we could tell from the mood he was in), and saying 'are you going to/do you want to bite me?'. He'd then laugh and say yes (because he thought it was a really fun thing to do), and we'd tell him he couldn't and give him something else to bite instead, which generally worked. Is there something else fun you can offer him to tug on when you can tell he's in a hair-pulling mood?

He doesn't know it hurts he's just getting attention from it, he's a baby still.

Just popped back in to add:
tying your hair back to avoid getting it pulled is really sensible, and I'm surprised the nursery staff don't tie theirs back. You can't form a bad habit if you never get the opportunity.

He's nearly 2, he understands.

There must be somewhere you can put him after a stern no! to ignore him for a couple of minutes. Buggy, highchair, cot?

I know all us parents were evil in the past compared to today's methods, but I can't help but think a quick response yank on his hair immediately would teach him it hurts and isn't funny and bring it to an end after a couple of times. I expect to be stoned for saying that.

Is he still sleeping on a cot? I would go for timeout in that if so. It's what I did when mine were little. Didn't need to do it too often as after a couple of times asking if they wanted to stop or go to the cot worked as a good deterrent.

He pulls hair, you say NO, put him on the floor, stand up, and turn your back at him, and make yourself busy with something else, ignoring him.