How to manage 14mo DD’s tantrums

[Liverpoolgirl50]

In need of some help! We have a lovely, clever, inquisitive 14mo DD. However, she can throw some legendary tantrums. I was hoping she wouldn’t get my fiery temper and inherit her dads calm manner but alas - she did not.

She isn’t quite walking yet but desperate to be on her feet - she has a walker but when out and about wants us to hold her hands and walk her around everywhere. Which is fine - but if you turn her in a direction she doesn’t want to go - BAM, tantrum. She throws herself back and screams.

Im struggling with how best to manage this. I know she can’t communicate and it’s her way of telling us she’s not happy, but how do I show her that isn’t the ‘right’ way to act? If that’s even possible at this age! When she throws herself back I usually let her (safely) lay on the floor until she’s calmed down, rather than interfere as I find that makes it worse.

Today we were in the park and was playing lovely, but I took her to put suncream on and she threw a tantrum. When she had calmed and I had stopped putting it on I took her back to play but then she flung herself backwards again, so I decided it was time to leave and removed her from the situation. I do this at soft play too - take her away for a minute and go back when she’s calmed down.

Is this how I should be reacting? She’s our first and everything is new to me!

Yes, the 14-month tantrums! My girl wasn't walking until 17 months, so I constantly had to deal with these! If it helps, she calmed down when she started to walk.

You are dealing with it great! The key is consistency, and you should not give in.
I also put my 19-month-old on the floor, where she is safe- I let her have a tantrum, and cuddle after when she isn't pushing me away.

Is your DD extremely independent? For example, I have to let my DD put the sunscreen on for herself (well mostly just trying, so I let her play with it while I apply). Now she's got into the habit of putting on her shoes- takes 30 minutes to leave the house.
I think what mostly triggers her is the sudden change: instead of removing her from the play I would go over and show her the bottle, and put a bit of cream on her hand until she's okay with the idea of applying the cream. It's like the TV time: if I turn off the TV suddenly, my DD has a tantrum. I tell her: you have 5 minutes before I turn it off. Again, you have 4 minutes, etc. Doesn't work all the time, but most of the time- she understands a lot.

And you are right to remove her from the play if she has another tantrum- one is okay, but two isn't!

As long as you're not rewarding the tantrums in any way then let her crack on with it, I would say to her I'm just going to sit here and wait for you to calm down and then let her get it out. There is nothing you can do other than distraction and often that only works one in five times, although it's worth a try. An oh look what's that can sometimes throw them out of heading into the tantrum, but otherwise provided she's safe then you're doing fine.
I always held rock solid boundaries with my ds. Just occasionally I shot myself in the foot and perhaps should have chosen a different consequence but if he kicked off or refused to leave I would implement my consequence. We even left a birthday party because he misbehaved and I had warned him that was the consequence. The result is I have a child who trusts my word, if I say I'll do it I will and that knowledge makes him feel safe.
Oh and I always give a 10 minute warning and stick to it, for changing location or activity or time to leave but it's been really helpful over the years. We used a large egg timer when he was younger to help him see the passage of time and that it wasn't just an arbitrary statement on my part.

Reduce her frustration by teaching her how to sign, various videos on YouTube, Something Special, Baby signing groups etc it's amazing how quickly the pick it up.

Distraction, distraction, distraction and preempt the trigger so if you are heading down a road and you want to turn left find something interesting for her to look at a cat, flowers, red door, etc etc that gets her to walk that way. Talk to her in that high pitched mothese voice to keep her attention Miss Rachel is a great example of this.

When she tantrums be mindful that they get stuck in a loop, reduce sensory input that can keep them in the loop, go to a shady, quiet spot, turn down the lights if at home, don't talk to them whilst they are tantrumming because they are in such a tiz that they can't focus on you. You can model some deep breathes and stay close by and they'll come out of the tantrum.

Thank you everyone! @Tina8800 yes she is fiercely independent, but I’m never sure how much to let her do on her own. I am hoping once she can walk things will settle down a little. It’s exhausting 😂