Letter herself out of her car seat, Help!

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So my just turned 3 year old can undo her car seat. No matter how tightly I pull it she somehow manages to get her arms out too even if she doesn’t press the button. I’ve explained why she needs to be in her car seat, that we are all “clipped into” the car to keep us safe.

Today was the second time she’s undone her car seat completely while I’ve been driving. Both times have been not longer after I’ve set off so never on a motorway or anything awful but still insanely unsafe and I’m afraid to say I lost my sh1t both times after explaining and putting her back in it for her to do it again etc. Today I literally shouted in her face and felt awful and apologised once I got home but what can we do to stop this? I’ve read those clip covers are dangerous if we were to be in an accident but what if she does this again and causes an accident? What can we do to stop her? TIA

You stop the car and tell her it wont work umless everyone has their seatbelt properly fastened. And sit there.... and sit there....until she sorts herself out.
Every time.
And if you are headed for somewhere/something she wants... you turn round and go home instead.
Every time.

If she was younger I could see your problem but at 3 you discipline her. My 1st used to do this and he got told off and we went home. Didn't do it many times before he realised it wasnt worth it.

Okay we’re on the same page ish then, today was on the way home from a day out anyway so all I could think to say was that we won’t go on another fun day out until she can sit in her car seat. The first time we went straight home and didn’t go where we were going.

You did the right thing. All US seats have to have chest clips, they’re not dangerous if correctly positioned, but obviously British seats aren’t tested with them on or designed for them so they wouldn’t be my first choice. Is she the correct height and weight for a high backed booster? She might be less tempted to try to escape with one as the seatbelts gives more movement than a harness and car dependent obviously but even my 6YO can’t easily undo hers because of the buckle position.

My friend lived on a farm. She pressed the brake quite sharpy (on the farm track no traffic) and her ds absolutely shit himself. Never unbuckled again..

No I think she’s too small still, she was 3 only like 2 weeks ago but it’s something to keep in mind!

@Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday youve literally just reminded me that she was getting her arms out on a motorway a few weeks back and when I was in a quieter road I did do this and it scared her! She’s also apparently forgotten about this too 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thanks for your responses so far!

Tbh this is one of those times where losing your shit is justified. A shock that says very clearly that it’s not to be done.

that and stopping and refusing to drive until she stays safely strapped in.

I shouted. I never shout. It scared Ds and he only ever attempted it one more time, when I pulled over and shouted again. He was only around 16 months when he could open the maxi cosi straps! Nightmare.

Hes now just 3 also. And knows he isn’t allowed to open straps at all until we have stopped and given him permission

This is one of the times shouting is ok.
But: have you checked the height of the shoulder straps? Mine could get their arms out if they'd grown enough that the straps came out of the seat too low. Raising the shoulder straps stopped the escaping.

This. I shouted at mine the first time they did it and it never happened again.

Cosatto do the anti escape bit on theirs which stops arms being pulled through but I’m not sure about anything to cover the clip

Ours did this. You have to shout I'm afraid and just refuse to go anywhere till they leave the belt alone. Ours went into seats which used the car's own belt when they were about this age which was harder for them to reach but that type of seat has been long superseded.

Also Halfords sell this for £26 if you didn’t want to get the whole car seat

My friend's kid opened my car door on a busy A road. I absolutely crapped myself. The door lock wasn't on that side as I'd only activated it on my son's side but never told him it was on. I was terrified and couldn't stop shaking

Often a fit check can help. It may be worth joining the car seat safety advice group on FB and they can check your fit to see if that stops her being able to wiggle her arms out.

The only belt collector that has been crash tested l in the UK is the besafe belt collector so could use that if still an issue after a fit check.

My son previously did the same and I did shout at him, it shocked him as I don't normally shout. He hasn't tried it again.

Thanks so much guys ♥️ now I feel less awful for shouting. Still apologised and re explained why we have to stay in our car seat when we got home so hopefully it went in. Will just keep doing what I’ve done if I have to l!

Adding a product to the seat is safer than her getting out of the seat, even if it isn't ideal.

Yes, definitely check height of straps before you add something. You don't want to add a product which is then masking a poor fit.

If she is undoing buckle and taking arms out so attacking from both sides, it might be worth looking into the impact shield type car seats, as they use a different kind of restraint, I had one for DS1 and he couldn't reach the seatbelt buckle to undo it. They are not as safe as a rear facing seat, but they do pass regulations and they are much better than an escaped child being totally unrestrained!