Do I want another baby?

[MStarG]

I have a wonderful 18 month old DS. He is amazing and I have a love for him I never thought possible. I'm also completely exhausted and feel like I'm barely coping. My mum friends are now all moving onto baby no.2 and I feel so left behind and like a total failure. I would love a sibling for my DS but feel like I'm barely coping with him. I can't comprehend how everyone else can even contemplate another child? He takes every ounce of my energy and patience and while my DH is a great dad having a child has pushed us to our limits. Every time I hear another friend is expecting another baby I wonder why I'm so useless. Nobody else seems to feel this way. I'm starting to think I must be a terrible mum that I can't fathom adding another one to the mix. I desperately don't want him to be an only child (I know it might not be an option) but I just think it would break me. I'm so envious that others seem to find parenting much easier. I don't really have time on my side to wait until he is school aged etc and while I don't want to regret not having a second I don't want to ruin the relationship I think I have with my DS by just going ahead an having another baby if I don't know I'll cope. Why does it seem such an easy decision for everyone else?

My DD is nearly 4 and I'm nowhere near ready. To be honest I don't think I ever will be.

I do find the term 'only child' uncomfortable. Likes it's a negative thing and not quite 'enough'. Makes me feel a bit guilty when I really, really shouldn't.

Also I see others with two or more children and feel blessed I don't have all that to contend with. No thanks !

it’s a sign of a good parent to know your limits

THIS

I know someone who had two and constantly palms them off on anyone who will have them (mostly her mum) . She doesn’t really do much parenting herself. That’s how she copes!

Another acquaintance openly admits she only had her second to provide a sibling. The kids squabble, mum drinks wine in the kitchen and moans about her life.

Meanwhile I stopped at one (never felt the desire to have any more). We’re a happy gang of three. Love my child, time for myself and a couple of interests outside of parenting. All good.

You’re doing a great job and I assure you people aren’t finding it easy. We chose not to use contraception once my cycle returned because we knew we wanted more than one. DC2 wasn’t actively “tried” for and we were a bit surprised when it happened. I was signed off for half my pregnancy with antenatal depression which has developed into PND. A newborn and a toddler is really fucking hard, they’re both in nappies and have different needs coupled with that I’ve struggled to bond with my second (now 10wo). Friends say I’m super mum and I never look tired and they don’t know how I do it. What the don’t know is an hour beforehand we were all crying. It’s perception. You’ll make the right decision for you.

Mums/parents that have worked on businesses with babies on their laps - tell us the truth?

Yes I have heard and read many success stories and vlogs from the women that have balanced a newborn with a business - I have also met some of these women but I also know women that have had to pause or shut down their businesses.

How do you realistically balance a newborn with your own business - share tips!

Backstory
I have been a mum since I was 20, my child is now a tween and I have found out I’m expecting my second (unplanned). I admit I have a great support system. I completed uni when she was 2 yrs old, climbed the career ladder and started a business 3 years ago that is doing well. However this pregnancy has come at a pivotal time in my business where we are about to launch bigger projects, have more public speaking opportunities and as it’s year 3 it feels like we are entering the make or break year.

Although I was a student with my first, I only had to be in 2 times a week, worked as a waitress for 3 years and I was done with work by 12pm and I really felt like I put parts of my life on pause as many of my friends started careers etc.

Now at 32 I am DREADING 😟balancing a baby with a business. I do work remotely and my team meet once a week but I am so scared. My partner works full time and has also asked how I feel about balancing my business - which means a lot - with a newborn.

How do you do it??????

Is there a business mums with newborn club I can join?

I wasn't ready til my first was 3. Some people are never ready. Have a baby because it's what you want. Not what anyone tells you is the "right" thing to do.

Some babies/toddlers are a lot harder than others!

I wasn’t ready to contemplate having a second DS at 18 months. Had a bit of a turning point at 2 years where it seemed like it might actually be manageable. And am now pregnant… will have a 2 year 10 month gap.

Bigger age gaps are fine, as are smaller ones.

Heya. Sorry I accidentally posted this in your thread (instead of creating my own) and can’t figure out how to delete it!!

Thought I would add a reply.

Take your time. My post shows that I do not have a traditional family set up. For a long time I felt guilty about it. My OH at the time wanted a second after a year or so - but we were on such bad terms that I had to make the decision to put my gut instinct and my babies needs at the forefront of my decisions. Whilst to the outside world we are not a typical family at all - I have been able to take my time with my first. Get to know her, build myself back up and get into a good routine.

Im happy to hear your partner is on your side. I also know that sometimes when you ask people how they are really coping, you may get a different answer. Babies and toddlers are hard work and you are in tune with what you believe is right for you and your family. Always choose that over what other people project. You will find the right time to have a second x

Also don’t underestimate the difference different circumstances can make to our experience and the lasting effect on our feelings.

Friend is about to have her second & told me her DH is taking 6 weeks off work and her Mum has cancelled all her plans until Christmas to help her! Whereas when I had my child, my DH got one week off work and my mum lives a five hour drive away so didn’t help. So I was on my own from day 1 more or less. Obviously my experience is completely different to my friend with all the support, and even though my child was an “easy” baby the loneliness & isolation had a lasting impact on me.

OP, you will probably find that the people already planning number 2 have easy babies/toddlers and/or a good support system of relatives nearby.

We have an extremely energetic climbing toddler and zero family help. I would only contemplate another child if they were going to be the chilled out type that can happily sit on a parent's lap for an extended period.

Dealing with another high energy toddler would break me and DH, so we are unlikely to roll the dice by having a second.

Age is also a factor. I am 39, so if I had started earlier maybe I would have more energy to cope with toddlers.