Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Don’t want to cry it out but feel like there’s no other way

10 replies

Garden111 · 26/08/2023 20:26

17 month old breast fed baby. We did manage to stop feeding to sleep at around the 12 month mark with little to no tears but then we went on holiday last month and it all went a bit tits up. (excuse the pun)

I started feeding to sleep again as it was just easier, and I think he was a bit unsettled after all the travelling and new environment etc. We’ve been back a couple weeks now and I really am resenting having to feed asleep again. Naps aren’t really an issue as he’s gone within 5 minutes but bedtime can take over an hour and my nipples start to feel itchy and sore from the continuous sucking.

Anyway, tonight was the same. Just wanted to breastfeed for ages and I just couldn’t bare it any more so I told him no more, we are going to go to sleep without it. He started screaming so bad. Honestly, if you were my neighbour you would’ve thought he’d seriously hurt himself or something. I tried to cuddle him but he kept pushing me away. I went to pick him up, he was fighting me off. He ended up eventually giving in and falling asleep in my arms. I just feel awful about all the tears and worry about the cortisol levels and stress I’ve caused.

I definitely don’t want to keep breastfeeding him to sleep but I feel like I’m basically letting him cry it out by not breastfeeding. He’s so strong willed and it was so much easier when he was 12 months to change the routine but now I’m dreading tomorrow night already. Any tips to make the transition easier for him?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Destiny123 · 26/08/2023 21:21

Can they have a warmed cows milk bottle?

Original poster

Garden111 · 26/08/2023 21:30

Will try that thanks for the suggestion. He doesn’t really drink cows milk tho so not confident it’ll work @Destiny123

OP posts:

johnd2 · 26/08/2023 22:07

I wouldn't compare not feeding with cry it out! But unless you can get someone else eg partner or relative to put them to sleep you'll just have to go through the pain of saying sorry no. Just try to have the general ethos of "sorry no feeding, hope you can sleep" and they will pick up eventually that it's ok.
If you feel like you're doing something terrible to them they pick up on the rejection more strongly it seems.
I think sleeping is one of the toughest things and some babies just don't follow the rules according to the internet! Good luck.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families General parenting

NuffSaidSam · 26/08/2023 22:11

It's fine to say no.

Is there someone else who can do bedtime for the next few nights?

The main thing is to stick with it. The only unfair thing you've done is stop, then start again because it was easier for you, then stop again.

Either you feed to sleep or you don't, mixed messages are not fair.

YukoandHiro · 26/08/2023 22:14

They do stop by themselves eventually. You don't have to stop if it's still working for now. It won't be forever even if it feels like it.

KnickerlessParsons · 26/08/2023 22:21

Could his father put him to bed for a while, until he forgets about the breast feeding?

QuiltedHippo · 26/08/2023 22:23

Can dad do bedtime? I left for a 3 day work trip at that age then didn't restart the feed to sleep. Its not cry it out if you're present and comforting, I'm sure this transition won't last long.
To reassure we had to cuddle/rock to sleep for a little bit but now at 2 they're a great independent sleeper without ever leaving them to cry

Original poster

Garden111 · 26/08/2023 22:57

Sorry to clarify didn’t meant cry it out as in leave him, just that he was crying quite a lot and it feels like there’s nothing I can do stop it.
Me and his dad are not together so bedtimes fall on me. I am definitely going to follow through and not start feeding to sleep again, hopefully it won’t take long for him to be okay with it. 🤞

OP posts:

BurrosTail · 26/08/2023 23:08

Can you feed him and then detach when still awake, put him on shoulder, rock him a bit and then put to bed whilst still awake and rock him from his back or tap him. He gets what he wants first and is then comforted in other way.

TinyTeacher · 27/08/2023 12:39

I have heard ~18 months is just about the hardest time to give up feeding to sleep... but I realise you are struggling and that might not be what you want to hear. Sorry.

Whenever you do stop feeding to sleep (and obviously you will eventually anyway!) Try to be as consistent as poasible. Might be best to totally nightwean. But doing it some times and not others is likely to lead to lots of upset.

Remember, crying while comforted by you and is NOT the same as being left alone to cry.

Take your time. Feed till really sleepy and then remove and rock/shush/sing. Do it at bedtime and naptime. If baby cries, you can wait30s or so. If clearly not settling, fees back to drowsy again. Repeat. Repeat. Will take many times the first few days.

Flip