Dealing with the crying toddler

[Shakerh]

2 Y/O DS will be 3 in 2 months time and has recently become very teary when routines change ever so slightly. We took him to a big open space today as he loves running round the streets we live near. He hated it, cried all the way round that he wanted to go home and watch telly.

Now he's upset having been sat with his tea on a different plate for half an hour. DH completely lost it and shouted at him (not unusual). He took him to his room to cry it out. DS is still crying shouting for mummy but I don't want to go against DH.

Is this all normal behaviour? How do I deal with this?

Your toddlers behaviour is normal but your husbands is not. Please tell me you don't mean he took him to his room and left him there? Why can't he just have his tea on a set plate? And if he didn't like the big open space why didn't you just go somewhere else? Regardless of all of this, what is shouting at him going to achieve?

Honestly I think you need to pick your battles more...they are difficult control freaks at this age but you don't need to fight all of it. It might be worth having a read about different approaches to behaviour management. How to talk so little kids will listen is a good start.

Thank you for this advice.

We'd paid a bit for our day out and wanted to see if he calmed down, he did a bit but the whole thing was very stressful. With the plate, we actually did this accidentally though I was assuming this was the reason he made a fuss.

Eventually DH brought him back down and fed DS. DS had calmed down but looked so sad.

You're right, I am struggling picking my battles. I like to persevere but am quite good at not losing my temper. DH gets cross a lot and will always apologise later (which seems a bit meaningless and it's bound to happen again the next day). Funny thing is, DS seems to prefer DH to me, which is a bit heartbreaking.

I do empathise, it is really rough, but I honestly think it's worth thinking every time 'do I want to pick this battle, am I going to follow through on it'. If it's not worth the drama then don't. They won't grow up to be tyrants just because they get their way a lot, it's just their developmental stage. They don't have empathy and can't understand anyone else's perspective. Battling them on everything doesn't teach them anything other than mummy and daddy are always cross!

The only things I consistently hold my own on are generally safety related and manners (thank you, please). The rest I judge the mood of the day (hers and mine) as to whether it is worth it. I give her two choices in as many situations as possible and try to avoid 'no' as much as possible - distraction/alternatives instead. And I avoid starting any form or argument so that I'm not continually caving. Once I've committed to something we do it, but I think twice before I commit! The book I suggested is really helpful for alternative ways to deal with things. For you and your husband perhaps.

I get it re the trip if you'd spent lots of money, that must have been annoying.

You have a husband problem, not a toddler problem.

Just give him the plate he wants. There is no point trying to power battle against a toddler because you will always lose. They are never going to turn around and say 'Mummy, you are right. It is silly I only want the blue plate. Il take the yellow one.'

My DD is a similar age, she's 3 in October. We've just been through a similar thing, she was getting very emotional at every little thing. It's passed now and she seems back to her usual self, which is pretty emotional anyway! It lasted about 2-3 weeks for us. I think you just have to wait it out.
There's an app I have called Observant Mom which shows the rough timing of developments that toddlers go through. I think there might also be a pdf you can download free from the their website. When I'm struggling with my DD's behaviour I read this and it reminds me of the crazy stuff her brain is dealing with and it just feels a bit easier to deal with.

Also, do you think your husband ever thinks about 'Oh I cant go against my wife?'. Why is this conversation all one way?
Honestly the idea of my husband shouting at my 3 year old and locking her distraught in a room makes me feel sick.
Go and cuddle your child. Thats your job.

Are you sure DS was feeling okay? my DD who’s 2.5 is a happy little firecracker but when she’s ill she appears to want the opposite of whatever you’re offering and doesn’t enjoy her normal things, she’s Geary and clingy.

I understand not wanting to undermine your husband, very noble and all that, but if you KNOW he’s going to apologise afterwards and admit going over the top in the moment then you need a better system between you and you DO need to step in for your sons sake.

I can’t believe you went along with locking him away.

How on earth is it ok to shout at your kid just because you apologise? How sad your DS must have been. Do stand up for your DS and help your husband understand a bit of child development.

Agree with a PP- this sounds like more of a husband problem. I wouldn't shout at my DD and shut her in her room just because she was having a random tantrum. Go and comfort your child.

He took him to his room to cry it out. DS is still crying shouting for mummy but I don't want to go against DH.

What are you trying to achieve? Please don't lock your son away, he's 2, he doesn't need or understand this punishment. Locking him away/leaving to 'cry it out' will have only negative effects on future behaviour. Ignore your husband and go give your son a hug

Your husband is a moron. Does he not know anything about child development? Your toddlers prefrontal cortex is still developing. routine helps them prepare for what is to come next can assist in the development of their prefrontal cortex. And therefore helps later in life when they grow up and take responsibilities. But your husband's response is to punish that. Toddlers aren't just little adults who are being defiant.