4 year old won’t walk or potty train

[Lankyboxmum]

Im very worried about my 4 year olds development. He’s only just turned four, but he refuses to use the potty/ toilet or even have his nappy off for 5 minutes. He also wont walk, he will just scream for his pram constantly.

nursey have said he’s slightly behind, but they’re sure he’ll catch up eventually. He starts reception soon and will be one of the youngest in his class. it’s worrying as I’ve got 3 autistic children - but nursery have said they don’t see any traits. All my other children were potty trained before 3 and out the pram by then too so I’m pretty stumped!

any ideas?

Constipation (introception difficulties)
Visual perception difficulties
Speech delay
Playing alongside at age 4 (that is a delay regardless of what nursery say)
Physical sensory issues
Limited diet

All symptoms of asd.
Add in the three siblings and it's highly likely that he will receive a diagnosis at some point.
You need to get him in the system asap. Even if you get fobbed off as watch and wait demand he is put on the wait lists for SALT and OT. They will take you seriously without nursery input because nursery staff are not qualified to assess.

@Lankyboxmum I know what you mean, there are always some people who are ignorant to ND needs and have preconceptions and limited understanding. To me, as someone who has an autistic son too and works with ND people, I’d get in touch with your HV. Don’t worry about school and potty training - every school has a legal duty of care to your child, potty trained or not. I wouldn’t be putting too much pressure on him re potty training or not walking - get to the root cause first and then take it from there. Don’t feel pressured by how quickly your other children got on; our kids surprise us every day. Id day thought that there are some issues from what you’ve said which indicate autism.

Thank you all, definitely the advice I needed rather than ‘you’re paranoid’ or ‘too soft’ or ‘he’ll catch up’. I’ll get an appointment with GP or HV and make sure they actually listen rather than brushing it off.

People saying you’re paranoid, or too soft, or you should just make him do something he doesn’t (or can’t) do, they can all go stuff themselves.

A mother always knows when something is up. I think you know, in your heart, that he’s got ASD, or some other additional need. That this isn’t “normal” child behavior. Fight for him, and fight for your own peace of mind. Best of luck!!

Actually, even without a diagnosis if he were in all the schools I’ve worked in they would change him!
So maybe educate yourself too?

I wouldn’t advise deferring. I’d hope that once he’s in school the Senco would be proactive in getting assessment referrals started,

Apologies I havent read the whole thread so I dont know if this has been addressed - is he happy to be on his feet to run about and play? Is it just walking somewhere he objects to?
Im wondering if he is maybe experiencing pain in his ankles/legs - several friends have kids with ankle/leg pain due to Ehlers danlos. One has a child who doesnt like walking and it turned out that they have something wrong with their ankles causing her to not want to put her heels down/walk.

Was just going to write this, delaying him will potentially delay him getting the help and support of senco sooner. He will also be compared to younger children so actual needs won't be picked up as quickly. It sounds like he needs more developmental support so delaying him starting school will only delay him accessing this support

I couldn't disagree more. You think put him into a system where he is going to struggle so that the senco is aware of him and can help. You must have very high hopes of what a senco actually does or maybe you've met an incredible one. But in all the schools I've worked in and the schools my children go to, this sadly is not the case. An extra year to develop before starting his school journey could mean the difference between just surviving and thriving.

It seems that the child probably needs input from additional services, some of which cannot be accessed until he is in the school system, delaying these services might have a longer term detrimental impact. I don't see how waiting another full year in nursery and putting him with children who will be nearly a year younger than him will help get his development on track? Plus any assessments he does as one of the oldest in the class means he will be age adjusted

Nursery are saying he's normal when he has three ASD siblings, isn't toilet trained at 4, has meltdowns, is a picky eater and won't get out the pram?

I think you may have a nursery problem. Stop trusting what they are saying and taking it unquestioned when what you are observing just isn't matching what they are saying.

Being able to play with other kids doesn't mean he can't be ASD.

My ASD girl goes to the school where he will be starting- it’s not great. The SENco is on leave for the foreseeable, the acting SENco is now on maternity, so I’m not sure who will be taking their place in September.

Unfortunately I’ve been waiting two years for my daughter to see a EP due to multiple excuses even though mainstream is awful for her, but there is no other primary schools near me.

I'm so sorry Lanky, you seem to be being let down at every opportunity

If his speech is a little behind, I'd do this progress checker first. If it says *you've answered no to some important questions" give their helpline a call and ask your HV to refer him for a hearing test and SLT, if he hasn't been referred already.

The website Eric might help you with the constipation and potty training.

I'm wondering though, like another poster suggested, if he has an allergy that may be causing the constipation? Cow's Milk Protein Allergy would be my first thought as it can be common with people with ASD.

He might also have ARFID if he's super fussy with food. The Birmingham Food Refusal Service should get able to help you with that

If Nursery think that playing alongside other DC at 4 is a reasonable target then they are slightly off the mark.

I would ask your HV to do the 4 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages. You fill it in at home and take it with you.

If it throws up any concerns I'd ask for read that as insist on a referral to a Paediatrician.

Have you applied for a ECHP for him? He doesn't need a diagnosis to get one as it's based on need.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto thank you for your advice! I haven’t got a clue who his HV actually is so I’ll have to give them a call. As for the EHCP that just seems impossible at the minute - I’m already going through tribunal for my daughter as she’s been declined twice even with a diagnosis and years worth of evidence.

I’ve got plenty experience fighting for my children to get what they need so don’t worry, I’ll keep going ☺️

Could you call the GP practice tomorrow and ask them who to contact regarding getting to see the GP? It sounds as though he does at least need to be seen by SLT.

The stress of having to fight for one ASD child is awful, I can’t imagine doing it for (potentially) 4. My heart goes out to you.

As a former teacher and you know, a decent human being, I cannot comprehend how dangerously lacking educational systems in most countries are when it comes to additional needs, or just general support of children. It’s absolutely horrendous

Hopefully you find more support and opportunities for your children. You really do seem to be pursuing every opportunity you can

she meand he doesn't like walking not cant