Introducing my 16 month old to her new sibling. Any tips?

[vicky11]

HI I'm about to give birth in the next 6 weeks and I could do with some good advice introducing my dd to her new sibling. I'm worried she might be jealous or just not 'take' to the newbie! I also want to b/f and i'm worried my dd might not be too impressed. (I b/f her till she was 10 mths.) I really want to keep dd in her good routine at bed- bath, books, milk and bed. Any tips? How did other mums cope with two children close in age gap? It's typical but dd is only just sleeping through the night from 7.30 till 7am I really want this to continue if poss!!

My fist was 15 months old when my second was born. I was worried that he would be jealous but actually he was really good. I think he was too young to think about it much, tbh. An older child might start thinking about being 'replaced' etc, but under 2, well, it's about what they see.

Do I brought ds2 home and the first thing I did was go to ds1 and say "Look what mummy has got for you." in a really excited voice.

His face was a picture! He was fascinated. I let him touch, prod and poke away - making sure he was as gentle as possible, but not worrying overmuch - a hard prod is not going to kill the baby! (just watch the eyes!) I talked to him loads about what I was doing, involved him in everything "What are we going to do next?"

I bought him new toys - presents from his brother who loves him so much.

And I ignored the baby quite a lot!! To make a big show of putting ds1 first. Baby had to wait until mummy had helped ds1 etc etc..

All that sort of stuff really helps. But I am glad ds1 was so young when ds2 was born, because they adjust so well at that age, ime. they quickly forget there was a time it was just them, whereas older kids can remember quite clearly when they had mum and dad to themselves - before the interloper arrived!

Oh, I also told everyone in advance that when they came to see the new baby they had to ignore him at first, go straight to ds1 and make a fuss of him before saying "I hear you've got a baby brother. Can we have a look at him?"

We found the problem time was not right away, but when ds2 got mobile and started getting into ds1's stuff. But by then he couldn't remember a time before ds2 and I just let them fight it out. Worst thing you can do is routinely interfere. (step in though for bullying etc) They found their way through it all.

Fast forward 7 years and they fight like cat and dog and make more noise than a herd of elephants and the mess - oh the humanity... In other words - Perfectly normal siblings, who love each other to bits and benefit from being close in age because they have each other to play with (fight with).

Oh, she probably will regress a bit when the baby is born, that's normal and while obv the last thing you want, it's best to not make a big deal out of it. Keep her routine, give her lots of attention.

Spin everything to how big and clever she is. The baby can only drink milk, not eat grown up food like you can.

If she wants to go back to being a baby - milk etc, let her. It's a comfort and she'll soon get sick of it!

dont make a fuss about the baby. Dd1 was 12mths when I had dd2 and she wasnt bothered at all.I found when I had dd1, ds was 2.2yrs and we made such a fuss over him he felt crowded by it so we learnt from that. Just try to keep things normal as possible and get her involved,also she might appreciate her own baby to feed and change nappy etc

oh and if you are doing something with dd and the baby cries - let the baby cry for a minute!! NEVER immediatly jump up and leave what you are doing with dd. Mention that you can hear the baby crying, carry on what you are doing for a sec, say I bet the baby needs X, carry on for a minute then get up and do it - get her to help if she wants. Don't worry about mess created by her 'help'. But don't get 'exasperated' by the baby. Some parents pretend to be fed up with the baby because they are trying to make the other child feel better. This can backfire and make the child think you don't like the baby and can make them not like it, or maybe think you wish the baby wasn't around and they might not get on as well with it.

I've got 15 months between my 2, and its a brilliant age gap. dd far too young to be jealous, she adores her little bro!

Its really hard work physically but well easy emotionally.

I had an elective section with ds, mum came with me to theatre and dp met us in the ward with dd. my mum bought her a doll so she'd have her own baby which was very effective.

You'll have no problems with this age gap, but you won't get any time to relax!

Good luck

i found it's best to see how things go really- you can't predict what the new baby will be like, nor their reaction.

i had DS2 at home, with DS1 at FILs. When he came home, we made sure new baby was in moses basket on the floor. we didn't push him to look at him, just let him discover him himself. at 16mths, real jealousy isn't likely, they're too little for that. you may even find the oldest is indifferent at first.

as long as the oldest's routine is similar, and they get lots of praise and love, should be fine.

i have the same age gap, and DS1 didn't care about me bfeeding. and he learned some new words...'boobs' and 'bra'

hi. I've got 14 months between my two littlies and I just wanted to echo what the others have said so far.

Getting a doll so your eldest can have a baby of her own is a fab idea, and it works. Also, involve the toddler as much as poss, and leave the baby to cry till you've sorted out the older one.

Mine are the best of friends and I am SO glad that I had them so close together.

Good luck

21 months between mine.....Try to spend some quality individual time with your 1st every day to stop them feeling jealous..

try to involve them as much as possible - ask them to bring a nappy for you if they are old enough to do that for example
mumsnetters have suggested a breast feeding box on here as well - a box of special things your lo loves that you can bring out when you are b/f on the sofa so they don't feel excluded
try to master the art of feeding the baby and giving lo a cuddle next to you at the same time
also start encouraging them to climb the stiars on their own now as you might not be up to carrying them in the 1st few weeks as you will be sore or have your hands full with the baby

Good luck It will all work out. Don't forget to get dh fully on board. When he gets in from work make sure he givesthe eldest lods of attention first before even looking at the baby (the baby won't notice, the older one will). And get as much help as possible. Accept any offers.

Hi I have a slightly bigger age gap (nearly 23 months) between DS1 and new twins (7 weeks old now). The best thing for me is to keep DS1 in his usual routine and make the babies fit around him. At some point I will get them in a routine of their own but at the mo I am making sure that he is getting as much attention as he was before and leaving them to cry! It is honestly a lot easier to leave the baby or babies to cry than ignoring the toddler. Obviously I do make sure they are fed / dry / warm etc .

Someone told me some good advice also which is never say no to a cuddle with your toddler, so even when i am feeding one of the twins, if DS1 comes over saying "cuddle" which he often does when I am feeding, I try to get an arm round him, or even cuddle him between my knees so gets some love.

I am not managing to bf the twins and only managed to bf DS1 for 4 months so did not have the bf prob, but DS1 does always want the babies' bottles of milk and I have to give him water in a baby bottle sometimes to make him happy.

He loves his little brother and sister and rushes over if they do cry to stroke their heads etc. He was a bit off for a few days but all in all it is fine.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and with your new baby when it arrives!

oh as posie said, make sure DH goes straight to toddler when he gets home (my DH did not need telling... he ignores the babies anyway as they are pretty dull compared to lively DS1!). Babies don't notice or care.

Sorry, am reading the other posts now too . DS1 also has a doll and I he likes to give the doll a bottle and pat her on the back etc while I feed one of the DTs. Very cute.

Thankyou everyone for your brilliant tips and advice!!! I will take them all on board! It's great to hear such positive responses from you all. I'm really looking forward now to dd meeting her new sibling. Thankyou!