Poo - What are we doing wrong?! Please help!

[McSteamyorMcdreamy]

I've just spent 30 minutes typing a post with lots of detail and then hit the wrong button and am too exhausted to type it all again....!

So bottom line DD4(speech delay/possibly on spectrum) refuses to poo in a toilet.

Despite massive encouragement (particularly on Monday when she did one on the toilet through luck rather than judgement). She still refuses to the point it's making her tummy ache, and extremely emotional. As soon as she says I'm tired (always of a late afternoon/early evening) either DH or I have to take her home as she has to be in bed to do it.

We have had a few accidents out and about where it obviously gets too much and she takes herself off to a quite corner and then does it in her knickers.

She knows big girls do poos in toilet and that she IS a big girl and not a baby, but no luck.

She is completely dry and has been for over a year and wakes up for wee's during the night but she will not do a poo unless she has a pull up on.

She starts school in September and the SENCO asked if poo was an issue and when I said it was she didn't look particularly pleased.

We have tried everything. What are we missing? Experiences please?

MT - Exhausted, frustrated Mum and Dad!

DS was 5 when he finally pooed in the toilet - and that was only after watching his little sister perform! He was dry in the day, we'd put a night-time nappy on and he'd hide behind the sofa and poo, and then we'd change him and all was well.

We didn't make a big thing of it - although there was much relief all round when he finally got the hang of using the toilet - never a potty!

Good luck and try not to stress over it.

I agree. Let her watch you poo. Also try the free poo goes to poo land app. Is she constipated? This is often a side effect of with holding and then they end up in the vicious cycle of not wanting to go because it hurts and then they don’t go do they get more constipated. Speak to the GP. Have a read of the ERIC website too.

My little girl was potty trained sort of at 2 and half in the fact that she never had any accidents could do wees on the toilet but point blank refused to poo on potty or toilet would always hold it til nighttime as we would put nappy on for bed as she wasn’t dry at night and still isn’t she would then run away poo in nappy and come back. This went on for a year the only thing that cracked it for her was she had bad constipation so was put on sachets of stuff that one time she was having a wee and she started to panic saying poo is coming and we just said stay on Toilet she did it and then since then has not looked back and it’s alll been fine . It’s really stressful as she starts school in September and I felt the pressure to get it cracked by then which she has but I’m sure other kids have the same problem that yours is having it’s not nice. She will get there x

Ah thankyou both. That's really good to hear. I will take a look at ERIC. Was wondering whether to get back in contact with the HV but to be fair we didn't have the best experience with them for he S&L therapy (I know not their fault).

She constantly comes in when I'm on the loo, we are really open about stuff like that. Just doesn't seem to have a effect on her though 😒 she hates it when we have to clean her bum though, but she doesn't seem to have a problem with the sensation of the poo close to her bum. I assumed she would hate it as she got older.

We have DD9 too who never had an issue with either wee or poo, so its not like we are newbies with no experience.

Good to know we are not alone though. Really does offer some comfort.

@Mumoftwo2022 Thank you. That's why she had the more luck than judgement the other evening has she had a bit of diarrhea. She seemed so pleased with herself though - thought we had cracked it with that one moment as she kept going on about how good it was, but sadly not.

We are away on holidays on Sunday...I'm hoping a change in environment might spur her on. Thinking of just going cold turkey. No pull ups and just deal with the "fall out", but she gets so upset. I'm not going to lie we have on a couple of occasions been inwardly angry/frustrated and maybe she senses that and gets scared about our reaction, but we went absolutely made with happiness and dances on Monday and she was just over the moon ☺️ was so lovely to see....but then here we are again.

Poo can be a nightmare! My eldest was dry, including at night, before she was 2.5. Poo was not totally cracked for nearly 2 years after that. She would get very constipated and we had movicol from the doctor a couple of times. We had particular stories that we read at "poo time" - basically before bath every other day.

Do you have a comfy seat that makes a good position? DD is 6 and still would find it hard to pop on lol without support. If her knees are down she finds it really hard.

Potty training in my toddlers at the moment. They are now pretty reliably dry during the day. One of them ONLY poos by hiding somewhere....We almost never get any in the potty!

Definitely speak to gp & check out ERIC website. Po withholding is fairly comon during TT but can lead to chronic constipation issues- the diarrhoea can overflow due to constipation so be aware of that. Poo goes to pooland app is god for some children.
Another trick is getting them to blow bubbles while on toilet. Also sitting position on loo - knees being higher up on a step mimicking a squatting position.