What are your biggest struggles as a parent?

[Famil]

Hi everyone,

I recently became a father and am loving the family life. But of course, it’s not always easy..

I’m really curious about what other parents think about two things:

1. What job are you ultimately trying to accomplish as a parent?
2. What are you struggling with the most as a parent?

Really appreciate any thoughts and if you can recommend solutions for your struggle(s)!

Ohhh I am trying to answer this as "off the top of my head" as possible so my answers are as genuine as possible:

1. To raise a good human who feels fulfilled and happy in their life. I think working on instilling a positive mindset and making sure the first big relationship they experience in their lives, with us, their parents, is filled with stability and love gives them a step up in life.

1. Trying to accept there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I often end the day feeling like I wasn't enough. I should have played more or cleaned more or been more patient, you get the idea. I need to understand the mantra "If you only had 40% to give today and you gave 40%, then you gave 100%". Lack of sleep and being human ruins my impossible dream of being a perfect parent so I just want to learn to strive to be the best parent I can be in any particular day or situation.

1. To raise someone who enjoys their life,, whilst understanding that living in a society brings certain responsibilities to others.

1. Getting the work life balance right. Earning enough for the lifestyle I want us to have vs making sure we have quality time together is a constant source of internal tension for me.

Thanks a lot, EMC2022 & Frodedendron, that’s really well put.

I completely agree and am curious to hear more parents thoughts.

A follow up question in the the mean time - have you found specific solutions or practical ways of dealing with

1. mom & dad guilt (the fact that being a perfect parent doesn’t exist)
2. work life balance ?

How can we minimize these challenges?

Hey, I'd say for me, creating a safe, fun and open environment that my children love growing up in.

Hardest I'd say for me is not being able to go out spontaneously. I love going out for drinks, being spontaneous and dressing up fancy but some days, I barely make it out my pj's all day! I can go out but it takes so much planning, especially with expressing enough milk and sometimes I just can't be bothered to go to all that effort. I breastfeed so drinking is also a whole thing!

For me, just feeling love and security around them. Hoping that it will build the foundations of self worth and inner confidence.

Oddly enough what i find hardest is others and their assumptions/judgement. There is no end. My baby is particularly tricky (lots of ailments) i had a drunk woman come up to me and as my partner was holding our child she told me she can see baby prefers daddy and doesnt like me...
Honestly whereever you go people will tell you what you must do. You work and your abandoning your child..you stay home and your neglecting providing for them. Your damned if you do damned if you don't. I have never left the house yet without a stranger coming up to give their two pence. Its bliss when we are home alone haha

My biggest achievement would be if they all grow up and become adults that know their self worth and live their lives based on that. It was missing for me as a child and the ramifications have been life long.

The part I've found hardest is dealing with their moods and emotions. I have 3 and one is autistic, another one is possibly also on the spectrum. They are all tweens / teens. Having to be ready to adapt to any combination of whatever mood the 3 of them are in at any given time, on top of my own mood, or how my dh is reacting to them has been incredibly difficult.

Thanks for sharing, Japaneseflower, Hopinghonestly, and KindLynx. I can relate to all of it. My wife especially is struggling with dealing with other peoples opinions.

So many insightful and thoughtful comments, would love to hear more perspectives (and solutions/practical tips, if anyone can offer any).