How did stopping breastfeeding your toddler effect them/your relationship

[Milkmumma]

I have a 15 month old that is still breastfed and I completely torn over whether i want to continue or stop.

So im asking how when you stopped breastfeeding your toddler did it effect them and your relationship with them?

Things i particularly wonder about-
He wakes up every 2 hours still and is fed back to sleep. Minimal effort needed from me (cosleeping), but if i stopped bf would he wake less? Or still as often but would potentially require more effort! (Normally if bf doesnt work we have to stand up with him and bounce him to sleep)

He is very clingy to me. Whilst i am happy to be his everything, would he find it easier to find comfort in his dad if he wasnt bf or would i just be taking his comfort away?

We want no2 very soon, and 15 months in and still so sign of AF. I hate to stop prematurely because we want another baby, but equally, having a sibling closer in age would also be nice for him?

I also hate the grabbing of the top and demanding boob in awkard places! On, and the tweaking/pinching of my skin and other nipple 😂 but LOVE those sleepy, cuddly feeds with his happy content face 💙

But please, tell me the good, the bad and the ugly cause there will definitely be side effects of stopping/continuing that i havent thought of!

I stopped BFing my son at 12 months when he was biting my nipple with his teeth and laughing.
No it did not affect our relationship, and if he woke in the night he was cuddled back to sleep.

I stopped at 18 months with my DD. I was very ready and it was nothing but good in the end. I had already night weaned by that point which benefitted our sleep tremendously. I was feeling very touched out and like you wanted a second baby but my period still hadn't returned (still didn’t return after weaning though and got pregnant anyway when DD was 20 months) so it was the right time. It didn’t negatively impact our relationship at all. The only ‘negative’ from the whole thing is that DD’s comfort became putting her hand down my top in between my boobs. It still is her comfort at 3yo…I’m working on that!!

If you’re having these considerations it seems likely that you’re almost ready to stop.

I found dropping one feed was the thing each time that made my periods come back.
I breastfed my toddler all through my second pregnancy, and only stopped a couple of weeks before delivery as I was worried about tandem feeding. Now I think I should have just fed them both tbh but I didn’t know anyone who had done that and I was worried about the baby getting enough. She was two and a quarter, and we talked about it, I explained that babies need a lot of milk when they are new. She was down to only one or two feeds a day then she stopped without any drama.

No advice (I stopped breastfeeding at 6 months, and was mixed feeding after one month). But well done for waking up every two hours... That's some amazing stamina and a real achievement.

Hi OP. I am tandem feeding my 15mo and newly 3yo. Like @SirVixofVixHall , I fed through pregnancy and after that experience, tandem has been a breeze!

I just wanted to say that on the TTC front, you need a gap of 6 hours with no feeding to bring on menstruation. Now ideally this would be at night! So my suggestion would be to sleep train your baby (gentle or otherwise) so that she can settle herself back to sleep between sleep cycles rather than relying on the boob. I appreciate it’s convenient and you don’t mind because you co-sleep, but it’s your best shot at getting your periods back through that min. 6hr gap in lactation. At 15mo, my youngest feeds at 7am, 10am, 2pm and 7pm. My eldest feeds at 7am and 7pm. It’s totally manageable and I won’t be stopping until they wean themselves naturally. The benefits to continuing are too compelling for me personally. So you don’t have to stop to get your periods back! Just sort out your feed frequency and you can continue to have a fulfilling bf relationship and give your daughter the best, which is obviously what we all want to do! Well done on getting this far 😊

Thank you everyone for your helpful replies!

@Sleepysaurus2 so you stopped bf at 18 months and were pregnant without a period in between by 20 months? And you found night weaning helped your LOs sleep? Thats good to hear! How was their sleep before vs after? 🙂 my LO has literally never fell asleep without support in one way or another so i am a bit apprehensive about the whole sleep thing!

@LabradorFiasco i would love to contine feeding and dont mind trying to feed through pregnancy and tandem feeding! I think youre right that i should start by night weaning first and hopefully that will be enough. As ive said above though, sleep has always been a bit of an issue for us and i have just followed the path of least resistance (boob!). Any advice on helping him settle without it?

Hi! Yes but you’re probably best popping a post in the Sleep board. It’s a bit of a controversial subject, as changing a child’s sleep habits and associations inevitably involves a bit of resistance from them, and every parent has a different limit as to what they can tolerate in terms of protest (ie crying). I am a proponent of a humane version of a method build on controlled crying merged with pick-up-put-down (have a read up on Ferber and PUPD as methods). Most will say any method involving crying is not gentle, and I respect their opinions, but for me it was more ‘gentle’ to have my babies cry for short periods in order to give them the ultimate goal of actual decent rest for both of us.
I was not co-sleeping and was going genuinely insane from sleep deprivation with my first, hence having a slightly different tolerance level. You could also look at Lyndsey Hookway’s habit stacking and ensure your sleep environment is optimal - dark/white noise/consistent bedding eg sleep sack and comforter. And that her day nap/s are aligned with her circadian rhythm. At 15mo ideally she’d be sleeping for 2h somewhere between 12pm and 3pm, just because of when the human circadian rhythm sets us up for siesta time.
Hope these are useful first thoughts.

I’ve stopped at 14/15 months for all 3 of mine. I way prefer the cuddles and snuggles now which are just pure love for mummy and not just booby! However by this age I was feeding am and pm only so twice a day so stopping was fairly easy. One feed at a time over the course of 2 weeks. Then hid boobs for a month 😂.

if they wake and you offer milk they will continue to wake and have milk. They don’t really need it by 15 months and I’d prefer a baby who slept than woke looking for a drink.

As for sleep if you want them to sleep without you need to make that decision and stick with it and it could well mean a few nights of poor sleep but you and baby will get through it and sleep will be better afterwards, well worth it. If you give in then you’re back to square one.

Mine are 6, 4 and 2 now, they all sleep fine. There’s been plenty of hard times but parenting is hard and sleep is important! For children and adults!

We stopped unexpectedly due to norovirus at 13 months. He didn't want it for a few days so I just stopped. Saved me worrying about how to do it down the line.

This was the start of much better nights after being woken up atleast every 2 hours since birth.

His dad was/is able to comfort him but at almost 3 now I am still his go too for comfort. We just have lovely cuddles instead of feeding now 😀

DS - self weaned at 14months when I was pregnant (period returned around 8months even though I was still feeding a few times at night)

DD - still going at 2.5years. I night weaned after 18months. I just offered water instead. So we still do a feed at bedtime but after that only water & cuddle until morning. We also cosleep and I have to say it has made a difference and she now sleeps most the night which is great.

Ooh, me! Me!

My toddler was waking every hour, sometimes every 20 minutes to breastfeed all through the night. It got to the stage where the little madam wouldn't even let me unlatch her so the only way she would sleep was literally attached to.my breast all night. My nipples were getting damaged and I was a zombie going to my full tome job like a crazy woman.

At 16 months, my husband stepped in. I fed her a big supper of weetabix and breastfed her. Gave her to my husband who lay beside her on the floor and comforted her. Eventually she lay down and went to sleep. She cried on and off for 1.5 hours. I had to leave the house while she cried as I was physically nauseous hearing her cry. When my husband emerged from the bedroom he said to 'DC is loved, well fed, clean, comfortable and I was beside her the entire time. She was just angry'. She slept nearly all night and when she woke, DH lay down beside her and shushed her, patted her bottom etc.

The second night he stayed with her as she lay down, then left the room but kept coming into her to settled her, stroke her, comfort her and ask her to lie down. After going in every 5 minutes for half an hour, he said, let's wait for 10 minutes now. She cried for 7 minutes and slept all night, bar one wake up where DH spoke to her gently and held her hand as she went back over to sleep.

The third night, he put her down, patted her, sang, did all the bed time stuff and left the room. She cried for about 2 minutes and slept nearly all night. She woke once or twice and we just said 'shhh, lie down darling, shhh, go back to sleep'. And she did!

This went on for about a month and out of nowhere, I got my period. DC was 17 months old. She now sleeps most of the night. I breast feed her once before bed and once in the morning. I don't bring her into the bed and make sure I only breastfeed her past a certain time and after we have got up for the day. She still wakes once or twice, but I just tell her to shsssh and pat her bum and she goes back over.

I am a different woman! I am getting huge chunks of sleep. I can watch a movie with my husband if I want. I can leave the baby sleeping with a babysitter while I go out with dh for an hour or so. I don't hate breastfeeding because it's just twice a day.

Dc is nearly 19 months old and I wish I did this a long time ago. I feel your pain but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was always very against sleep training until I started having dizzy spells and it really started affecting my mental health. Baby is completely fine. Still a great bond between us and she knows that she doesn't breastfeed during the day. She and I are actually better attached than before because I feel well rested, she is too, and I enjoy her! I was started to resent my poor little sweetheart and cried to my husband that I was starting to regret having her! This was all because of the sleep deprivation, and me feeling like this towards my child was scarier than the thought of sleep training.

As it happens, the training was very gentle and loving: my husband supported her and cared for as much as he could. I kept it in my head that she was crying because she was frustrated and angry, not rhat she was suffering. In any case, within 3 days she was sleeping and my life started again. She is still the happiest, sweetest little doll who still loves me as much as ever, and I love her more every day. Bonus is that I'm still breastfeeding!

Mine was a bit older at 23 months, but it didn't affect them in the slightest. I was around 6 weeks pregnant with DC2. I have PCOS, so no AF is normal for me anyway. After I had stopped birth control I started metformin to kickstart periods.

DC1 was only on the 1 bedtime feed (and was mostly sleeping through). The milk had all but dried dried up and I developed a nursing aversion (suckling felt like sandpaper) as well. I explained to her that mummy's milk was all gone now, and we'd have cuddles and water instead. She accepted that, and went to sleep ok. She asked for it for a couple more nights, but was told the same thing. And then that was that. If she woke up in the night she was given a drink and cuddle and was put back down.

I just stopped feeding my 3yo but we’ve been on 1 feed a day for ages now.
My periods came back when I went back to work (which forced a long gap between feeds in the day) at 12 months. I got pregnant at 15 months and night weaned at 17 months because she was feeding all night.
Whilst I was pregnant I put in boundaries (feeding to a routine, ending feeds on my count down) and I tandem fed her and her little brother for 13 months.

I think anything that gets you a long gap between feeds either in the day or in the night will help your fertility return.

Eldest nightweaned at about 2 and and quarter with no fuss at all, totally weaned at 2.5. Couldn't be bothered to stop before then as it worked so quickly to calm her down for sleep! It waa really only 2 feeds a day the last 6 months, so I don't think people even knew I was still feeding. She's 6 now, still lovely and cuddly and came to sneak into bed for a cuddle at 7.30 this morning. Honestly weaning made no difference at all. My periods returned at 19 months, I was still feeding frequently when at home/over night, but had been back at work for 10onths so was having days with breaks from feeding.

My twins also fed till a little over 2. Again, periods returned at 18 months (had been back at work since 9 months though), and I was 4 months pregnant when they fully weaned. Made no difference to relationship. One goes to sleep with his teddy, one likes to cuddle to sleep. Annoyingly the one that has his teddy likes to stick his hand down my top for comfort.... hope he stops that soon!!! He says it's warm and cuddles his hand.

I realise my experiences might not really ally to you as I suspect it's easier weaning a slightly older child. I think 18 months might be the toughest time from observation.

Google the Jay Gordon method for night weaning. It's designed for co-sleeping.

I weaned both DD's at 22 months. Was 16 weeks pregnant when I weaned dd1. I don't want to tandem feed and wanted a good gap before dd2 was born.

It's a gentle method and really worked well for me.

My period returned once I went back to work and stopped breastfeeding in the day. But, we also had a very similar experience to @Italianasoitis We used Andrea Grace to help us a few months after I returned to work as I couldn’t function on how little sleep I was getting with a boob obsessed cosleeping toddler.

She now sleeps through (albeit an early riser) and I’m still really enjoying breastfeeding at bed and wake up. Night weaning really helped us.

I would stop now.

It will be a big change for him and I think it's easier for you to do it while you aren't pregnant.
I was so tired and nauseous in my first trimester, that I can't even imagine waking up every two hours during the night.

If you stop now, you can get him into a new routine easily, rather than dealing with it while pregnant.

A sibling close to his age would be more beneficial for him in the long run than the extra breastmilk.

I totally agree!

@Tina8800 thank you for your no nonsense reply! I do think you are absolutely right, but the thought of stopping does break my heart a little bit.

From everyone's replies though it does seem like only good came from people stopping and nobody really regretted it.

I just need to bring myself to actually do it now 😬

@Milkmumma I know, stopping is hard!
But you are going to have to stop anyway at some point, and if the timing is right, do it now.

The way I did it: I went out, and had a few drinks- so I didn't want to breastfeed my baby with breastmilk full of alcohol. So I stopped. 😅 Never regretet it for a second! 🙂

15months is quite young to completely stop. You definitely don't need to. Try reducing overnight initially to get your periods back and that might help his sleep too but I wouldn't stop completely.