The urge to have a second child?

[plehpleh]

I'm feeling the urge to have a second child. DD is 19mo. Post partum was hell last time and we barely got through it. But the urge has been increasing and I'm beginning to feel sad when I think about her being a only child. And I wouldn't want them more than 3 years apart, personally.

Would it be as hellish as I imagine? Was 0-1 child easier or hard than 1-2?

In my opinion having 2 children is much,much harder than just having one, however mine only have 12 months difference in age so that may have clouded my view somewhat.

For us it was challenging to have 2, as having just one meant it was far easier to focus on the dc's needs. But I have a lot of support as DH has several months paternity leave, he's home every night in time for dinner, bath and bed so we can tag team, and we spend weekends together, so we take turns focusing on one dc, plus my eldest was in nursery during the week, so that helped me manage dealing with the conflicting demands of 2 young dc.

Both my dc were relatively easy as individuals though, I wouldn't have described the early days as hell for either of them. I think I would have struggled with fussy babies and if I had to manage them on my own for long periods of time.

All my children have big age gaps except 1.
Daughter 1- 15
Daughter 2 - 9
Son- 19months
And currently pregnant with my 4th

My 1st 3 children have big age gaps for a unknown reason but I'm glad I have them.

Between my son and my unborn baby there will be 2 years..

I found it easier having a age gap between them. This time round will be different as I've never had the experience of having a child so close in age.

0-1 was much harder for us than 1-2.
Going from having no kids to having our first baby was a total life change and I don't think anything could've prepared us for it. It took me a while to get back to myself - not sure I 100% ever did. But our second child just slotted in. They're only 20 months apart so we were already in the baby phase, doing nappies, used to not much sleep. So one more didn't feel like a massive change.

I agree, I have a 19 month gap and baby has just slotted in. Only difficulty we've had is when one is unwell and it's just me eg toddler was unwell and just wanted to be held all day but I physically couldn't, he had a lot of screen time that day but we got through it. Another thing I struggle with is keeping the toddler busy. He's 23 months now but so it's usually the park with baby in pram or a walk, I've never done soft play on my own as not sure what he would do if baby needed feeding and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving baby sleep in pram while I play with toddler. Other than that it's great. They both adore each other and I'm so excited for baby to reach playing age!

Thinking about each of my DC individually (3yo and 6 week old), so far the newborn period has been exponentially easier second time round. DC2 is overall an easier child, but more over I am just so much more prepared for all the terrible bits of having a newborn (sleep deprivation, feeding problems, witching hour, colic etc) and they don’t bother me so much. The first 6 weeks of DC2 have gone way quicker than DC1.

However, parenting 2 DC is so, so much harder than parenting one. I regularly feel completely overwhelmed and like I’m just in survival mode. My 3 yo isn’t a particularly easy, self sufficient child though which probably doesn’t help.

Totally agree with post. Mine have 22 months between them and whilst it can be hard it not as hard as 0-1. Seeing them interact with each other is possibly my most favourite thing in the world and makes all the hard times worth it.

Thanks all. I think I fall on the side of "0-1" was a complete shock to my system and maybe 1-2 might not be as bad because I'll be mentally prepared for what is ahead. But I do also hear the comments about it being much harder with 2 on a daily basis. DD is so active and we have to be so hands on for her safety, I can't imagine having to hold and feed a baby as well most of the day. But then I think of how quickly that phase went last time and how quickly it'd be over this time too.

I found it much harder going from 1-2 than from 0-1. Having said that you get used to it fairly quickly and their relationship is the best thing in my life. They adore each other.