Does anyone get a feeling the best days are over with your kids?

[Lucy202]

I have a 14 year old & 10 year old daughters. We used to have the best fun. Really living our best lives.
Covid feels like we never really got back to doing what we used to do before. We dont travel anymore we dont go out much as a family anymore.
I feel like a one man bango shaking my merackers trying to get the party kick started doing the things we used to me & my two daughters & husband are just not interested anymore.
I get it with my teen, shes getting older & has more of her own life now but im actually really upset.
I feel like that's a wrap on parenting in a way. Like family life has changed & i cant get it back.

I just cant seem to get everyone on board to get the spark back to our family. I dont think it feels the same for them, they just cant really bebothered but i feel like something has gone wrong in our family and i dont know what to do.

Ive spoken to them & they dont really seem interested

Nostalgia or something isnt right?

It’s their age. You need to let them go in a sense and stop being so clingy. You don’t own them. You can still have family time, it just changes and evolves. The magic of their small childhood has gone and you need to accept it with grace and humility. Appreciate what you have now. Two kids who are growing up.

PS - i don’t think there’s anything wrong at all. This sounds VERY normal.

I agree with pp. Lockdown was 3 years ago; that's a lifetime to a growing child. They are different people now, so try to find new ways to engage with them? What are their interests? Do more 1-2-1 activities? A 14yo shouldn't be so absorbed in friendships that they've lost connection with their family.

are there things that you might be able to start enjoying one on one more with the girls and DH? I think those ages trying to get everyone to agree and want to do something all as a family is quite hard, you may just have to look at more individual things OR now would be a great time to start concentrating on your own hobbies/enjoyment/trying new things etc. Don’t rely on the same old things to keep them interested, a lot has happened in the last 3 years, time to get some new ideas! Start a bucket list and see if anything piques their interest!

it’s definitely the end of a chapter.. but it’s the beginning of a new one!!

I have a 15 year old and 11 year old. I get it, its different now for sure.
I miss the old days sometimes but I try to enjoy the here and now and find new ways of enjoying their company.
Plus, honestly, often it was really hard when they were younger ... summer holidays were exhausting.

It happens. Mine are both teens now and they don't get on - similar age gap to yours and very different personalities. I miss doing things all together, but I also don't want to require them to do things as a family when they don't want to. I would be a total hypocrite if I did because I was the same as a teen!

Instead I'm trying to spend time with each of them separately if and when they want to. Maybe they'll get on better as adults and we can do things together then, but it's not guaranteed.

That fun family time with younger kids does pass, sadly. Agree with PPs that doing your own thing is helpful too.

I dont miss parenting my eldest as the relationship has just changed and grown and it’s nice to see her so independent and we have some lovely conversations and a good laugh. I do miss my youngest being a toddler tho. He was a lovely fun wee boy but he’s becoming more challenging and difficult to manage only a few years later. If it was just him growing up I’d be less reminiscent

I think thats the part im really upset about. It felt like a light year away but here i am twiddling my thumbs with my own hobbies niggling at me like its calling me back. I just didnt really think this "getting my life back" would really happen. They really do grow up quick i guess xx

14 and 10? No way are the best days over!

ours are 17 and 15 and we have just had the best holiday ever with them, closely followed by the one that we had last October half term.

yes, they’re more independent and don’t need our help as often as they did when they were younger but we’re still having a great time as their parents and enjoying brilliant time together. The key is to get their input into what they’d like to do, whether that’s holidays, a meal out together or what to have for tea tomorrow!

@Lucy202

They do. Embrace it. I cooked my teen son some wraps tonight and treated him to a can of pop, I mean nothing major. He flung his arms around me “love you mum, you make great wraps”. ❤️

Mine are 6 and 10 and I'm trying to really treasure this period - no more nappies/buggies/naps/temper tantrums, but not quite yet into teenage angst. Your post is exactly what I'm fearing in a few years! Not sure our family days out will cut it with them once they are older and have their own lives and friends.

Lots of good advice from PP about trying to find a new normal with older kids and realising they'll want to do things that are different to the ones that used to work in the past.

Nah - my teens are now 16 and 19 and we are having a great time as a family. Holidays are stress free and much more fun. We do stuff together without tantrums or kids fighting. Sure they aren't best friends anymore but still get on well (there was a time when the eldest was 13 till about 16 when she hated her brother but it passed). I much prefer the teen years.

I'm in the same boat. An adjustment needs to be made on my part where I concentrate my energies on things that interest me.

Not as easy as it sounds and I'm finding it hard to move forward. Not because I miss when they were younger so much, but because I lost myself in the intensity of it all as a single parent.

I'm getting there though and can hardly believe this is happening as it's much more pleasant. It's so much less intense and easier, and I need to catch up with that. I have to deinstitutionalise myself.

My children are adults with children of their own.

I have not left the best of them behind. Every day brings me the new best in each of them - their parenting, their honesty, their kindness, their fun and laughter, their stalwart support during their Dad's last illness, the interesting lives they are leading ..... I could go on. They are a new best every day - something new to treasure. I watch them develop and grow in spirit - I stand back from them and let them live. They are my joy.

Completely agree with this, I enjoy time with my DC far more now they are older.

Embrace it as the next stage in their (and your) lives.

You've got the best days yet to come.
It is wonderful to see your dc developing into young adults you can be so proud of, and spending time with them in much different, and wonderfully relaxing ways.