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Parenting

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Original poster

I feel like my baby doesn't want to ever be close to me :(

23 replies

Leafsand72 · 22/08/2023 13:08

Hi everyone, very new here. I am a first time mum to a 10 month old. He is a beautiful, happy and very independent wee boy. Ever since he was born he has never wanted to be rocked, cuddled, or held for long periods. He fights it.
Even a kiss on the cheek he pushes me away. Myself and his dad have noticed this since has been the case ever since he was born.
I have tried baby massage, slings, difference rocking methods, he seems to do everything to get away from me. To be honest it's starting to get me down. I read a really expensive carrier was meant to help so I bought it and he didn't want to go in it at all and just cried and tried to get away from me. I just cried for a bit because I get so excited that this might be the thing that helps him be closer to me :( has anyone had a similar experience and does it get better?

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Tina8800 · 22/08/2023 23:26

It might just be his personality.
Is he overall happy, full of smiles, and on track with the developmental milestone?

GameOverBoys · 22/08/2023 23:30

Is he responsive to you in other ways?

Original poster

Leafsand72 · 23/08/2023 07:05

Hi there, yes he is full of smiles and is very very happy, he is very responsive to me

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ThomasinaLivesHere · 23/08/2023 07:08

My baby never wanted to cuddle etc when younger but now he’s 2 he likes to cuddle a lot.

Sunshineclouds11 · 23/08/2023 07:10

My DC didn't when he was a baby.
Now he doesn't leave me alone.

It's 100% not personal. It does come.

MrsElsa · 23/08/2023 07:11

My DS was like this. It is not personal! He started liking hugs around age 4/5 and at 6 he is cuddlier than ever. DD on the other hand has always been wanting contact, she loves to hold hands and lie on my chest etc.

DS was always rushing off to explore the world at that age, the joke was I only ever saw the back of his head as I ran after him and rarely got to see his lovely face! Perfectly healthy and just his nature.

I actually found DD "clingy" at first until I got it through my thick head that she actually was also perfectly healthy and just differently wired!

HamishTheCamel · 23/08/2023 07:15

My DC1 was like this, unlike the ones he never became a cuddler when he was older either (he's now 17yo). But he is a good, kind boy - just not physically affectionate. DC3 is my cuddle monster.

ImustLearn2Cook · 23/08/2023 07:17

It’s good that he is full of smiles and responsive to you in other ways. It is probably just his personality. I know it can be hard not to take things like this personally. But you’re alright, he’s alright and he absolutely does love you.

You really never quite know what you’re going to get when you have a baby. They all have their own unique personalities. You just have to learn who they are and meet them where they’re at. And love them for who they are.

If you have more children they’ll have their own personality too. Hopefully, you’ll get one that loves to cuddle.

RachBakesCakes · 23/08/2023 07:30

My DS was exactly the same, hated his sling & screamed blue murder if put in it. He also detested his bouncer chair, we figured he didn't like not being able to move freely as he's very active.

He's 21 months now & gives us kisses & cuddles but is still very independent & doesn't like being restricted by straps on his buggy/car seat/high chair.

RachBakesCakes · 23/08/2023 07:32

Oh and I spent a fortune on all different slings to find one he liked, total waste of money for us as he just was not happy in them.

Wish44 · 23/08/2023 08:10

Same here…. Dd would resist all physical affection. She started likening cuddles at the age of 5/6 and now at 11 wants them all the time.

I remember crying with happiness when my son was born and he relished physically contact.

DuploTrain · 23/08/2023 08:13

Mine was the same OP, hated being held and cuddled.

He was about 18 months when he got really nice and cuddly. Even at 2 he still wanted lots of cuddles.

Unfortunately 2 and a half now and has started politely declining when I ask if he’d like to give me a cuddle 😢

MotherOfDragon20 · 23/08/2023 11:49

My daughter was a bit like this, was so wriggly, wouldn’t be held unless I was walking about, wouldn’t sit on my knee without wriggling to get down on to the floor, hated cuddles. Rolled at 3 months, crawled at 6 months and was just desperate to explore the world. She’s almost three now and is the most lovely cuddly, loving little girl but still very smart and independent I think it was just her personality. It 100% is not personal and if he is meeting his milestones try not to worry, it will come when he understands affection a bit more.

Original poster

Leafsand72 · 23/08/2023 17:22

Thank you for the replies everyone it made me feel so much better :)x

OP posts:

MisschiefMaker · 23/08/2023 18:22

I remember going to NCT meet-ups with other mums and they all held their newborns in their laps for like 2 hrs while I had to nip to the bathroom and let mine wriggle around on the changing mat ever 30 mins otherwise she'd get mad with me!

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/08/2023 18:26

Mine is 8 months and the same so far. He hates slings too.

It’s just his personality, don’t take it personally.

HalebiHabibti · 23/08/2023 18:26

My older boy was never cuddly either. He did get a bit better with age but I have now resorted to pouncing on him as he walks by (he is 12)! He makes grumbling noises but doesn't run off (which he easily could) so I suspect he likes it really.

It did make me a little sad when he was small but that's just who he was! Son #2 was super cuddly to make up for it 😂

Honeymud · 24/08/2023 08:00

Oh bless you. My son was the same, screamed blue murder the two times I tried him in a sling and used to scream at 3/4 months to get on his play mat or in his moses basket to sleep. He wasn't any less attached to me than a baby that wanted to be held all the time, he just wanted his own space!

Some parenting theories will tell you babies need to be close to you and held all the time. And this works absolutely fine for some babies but babies are like us, completely individual and have their own personalities. Your son sounds happy and healthy.

My son is now 16 months and a complete free spirit, will have cuddles in a morning and wakes up and when tired and that's about it. We have a fantastic bond and he is a complete mummy's boy albeit just one that wants his own space!

LollipopChaos · 24/08/2023 08:10

Mine was same, remember going to the baby groups and all mums sitting cuddling and baby falling asleep in arms, mine always fighting not to be cuddled. Broke my heart. Child is 10 now and has the most strongest independent personality ever, but also hassles me for cuddles constantly now!

swivel34 · 24/08/2023 08:11

My DS is the same. If I ask for a kiss or a cuddle he will say 'no' and run off. I'd do anything for just one little cuddle.

pinkunicorns54 · 24/08/2023 08:14

My DC1 was never a cuddly baby, but I'd the cuddliest 2.5yo.
My DC2 likes cuddles and kisses more - but deffo needs their own space as well!

hohumpigsbum · 24/08/2023 08:20

My youngest DD was like this. Hated being cuddled or held, screamed if I tried to do either. Naptimes were so sad, I just used to have to put her into her cot and walk away because even stroking her head used to irritate her. She's my last as well so I was so sad that I missed out on the baby snuggles.
She's now 3 and honestly OP she's no different to my other children- she gives me lovely cuddles and kisses, is so affectionate and kind.
It is so hard and I really feel for you but hang in there. Some babies just want space.

MyEyesMyThighs · 24/08/2023 08:58

My DC was like this, now 12. She was a really happy, content baby though, unusually so. We thought it might be her high metabolism/hotness or desire to be on the move rather than restrained.

Both these things are still true, along with her being quite self contained. They are all good things by this age though, she's sporty, comfortable in her own skin (doesn't need validation or compliments) and I don't doubt she loves us. She just shows it differently than her (needier) siblings.

Once your DS can talk and can run towards you in joy when he sees you, you'll see there are lots of ways to love each other beyond cuddles.

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