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Original poster

11 month old baby suddenly not sleeping at night - argument with dh

17 replies

starbrght · 21/08/2023 20:54

Baby the last 3 nights will not sleep once I put her down in her cot. She is teething atm so I know that is a factor. She has also just learnt to crawl and I think milestones can affect sleep from what I've read...
She has never slept well in the day, she has two 30 minute naps morning and early afternoon. She's been sleeping through for months now, no problems and likes going to bed. Has always gone to bed between 6-7 as she is shattered, rubbing her eyes, yawning etc.

Could this be a sleep regression? Tonight's been awful, full on screaming when I leave the room, I've tried comforting her, coming back every two mins, not saying anything just laying her back down, tried staying with her shhhing, staying with her just ignoring the crying, I've tried everything. Dh was saying to bring her downstairs but I didn't want to do that as I thought it'd be starting something and thought it best to keep her in the room with the music and projector where it's calm and routine so she knows it's still bedtime.

Dh has been up a few times when I've come down and she's started crying again. The last time he's stormed out the room as I've walked up the stairs to swap over, then come back in the room while dd is still screaming and started to have ago at me saying how he don't need this shit when he's been working all day, she isn't tired, it's my fault as I haven't taken her out the house all day etc then told me I can deal with it all.
Sorry this is a bit of a rant too but I'm really upset the way he's spoken to me, just been blamed for it all

OP posts:

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 21/08/2023 20:58

God DS was hellish when he learnt to crawl (well bum shuffle). Then when the novelty wore off he was a great sleeper about four weeks later. Then he started nursery and it unraveled again.

Mummy08m · 21/08/2023 21:02

I mean he's clearly being unreasonable to blame you, but I've definitely said stuff like that wildly to dh when I'm at the end of my tether.

with the music and projector - this seems a bit much in the bedroom, could you try turning them off?

He's right about it helping to take the baby out for some of the day if you can, too. But it's easier said than done sometimes and he's still unreasonable to blame you.

escapingthecity · 21/08/2023 21:03

It's never a simple line of progression with babies. There are constant regressions. Acquiring new skills blows their minds. Teething is agonising. They get a bit of a temperature. They have a scary dream. They get too hot or cold. So many things upset their sleep. If you can figure out what's new for her, you can figure out how to comfort her. Have you tried different teething remedies? Ashton's powder worked well for us. She's not too hot? It's got warmer over the last few days.
Your DH is being a dick but it sounds like you know that.

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Spirallingdownwards · 21/08/2023 21:07

Surely a music and projector just stimulates rather than soothes?

Original poster

starbrght · 21/08/2023 21:07

Mummy08m · 21/08/2023 21:02

I mean he's clearly being unreasonable to blame you, but I've definitely said stuff like that wildly to dh when I'm at the end of my tether.

with the music and projector - this seems a bit much in the bedroom, could you try turning them off?

He's right about it helping to take the baby out for some of the day if you can, too. But it's easier said than done sometimes and he's still unreasonable to blame you.

It's just lullabies on quietly and stars, she's had since she was small and is part of her routine so i don't think that has anything to do with it really

OP posts:

GoingGoingUp · 21/08/2023 21:08

A break in the bedtime routine isn’t always a bad thing. I’ve had days where DS won’t stop crying for whatever so at 11pm, I’ve let him get to for an hour or so, play a bit, calm down, and then he settles back to sleep nicely.

Routines are great, but they don’t have to be strictly followed as babies won’t always behave how we want them to.

And don’t take what your DH said personally. I am definitely that person who has gotten annoyed at DH when we’ve been in the thick of it, especially when I have night rage. I never mean it, it’s very much the frustration in that moment.

Original poster

starbrght · 21/08/2023 21:09

Spirallingdownwards · 21/08/2023 21:07

Surely a music and projector just stimulates rather than soothes?

She's always slept really well with them, and when I haven't put them on she hasn't gone off to sleep... maybe I could try wean her off it lol

OP posts:

GoingGoingUp · 21/08/2023 21:09

Spirallingdownwards · 21/08/2023 21:07

Surely a music and projector just stimulates rather than soothes?

I agree with this. At that age, it is more stimulative than relaxing, even if it has always been part of her routine. Routine’s change as the child gets older.

GoingGoingUp · 21/08/2023 21:10

starbrght · 21/08/2023 21:09

She's always slept really well with them, and when I haven't put them on she hasn't gone off to sleep... maybe I could try wean her off it lol

Show quote history

It’s more likely a phase rather than a permanent change. But when things are this bad, I would suggest going with the flow rather than sticking to what you’ve always done. We’ve broken away from the routine many times out of need for a few days, and then when things settle, it’s back to the old routine.

Original poster

starbrght · 21/08/2023 21:10

How would I cut back with the stars etc ? As I think if I just didn't put it on she wouldn't relax

OP posts:

Mummy08m · 21/08/2023 21:11

starbrght · 21/08/2023 21:07

It's just lullabies on quietly and stars, she's had since she was small and is part of her routine so i don't think that has anything to do with it really

Show quote history

Now she's 11m her brain is starting to understand words/sentences, notice patterns etc. A newborn can ignore a lullaby and sleep through it but an 11m old has intrusive images and questions popping into her head - "a black sheep? Aren't sheep usually white?"

My vote is turn off all stimulation. She's too old for it now

FoodFann · 21/08/2023 21:11

Hi OP. We had the same last week, when DD (8m) learnt to stand up, and I think her intake of solids increased too, and she didn’t need as much sleep, as a result.

We struggled for a week, but eventually pushed her bedtime back by an hour, from 5pm to 6pm. It’s tricky to find the balance between tired enough for bed, and over-tired.

We take our DD out in the pram for the last hour to have some quiet time. The risk is that she drifted off to sleep during the evening walk once, but it usually does the trick and she goes straight down afterwards. Our routine now is:

7am up and breakfast
8-8:45 nap
9:30 bottle
9:45 walk
10:30 nap
11:30 lunch
1:30 another lunch!
2-2:45 nap
3:30 bottle
4:45 dinner
5pm walk
5:40 bath
6pm bed

Original poster

starbrght · 21/08/2023 21:31

I am going to slowly take away the lullabies and stars, and see if that helps. But I do think the main issues is a mixture of everything really, teething, learning new skills, separation anxiety.
I am pregnant aswell atm so just some days I cba to leave the house ! But going to get her out tomorrow for some fresh air, hopefully that will help

OP posts:

Babyandmexox · 21/08/2023 21:35

Could she be hungry ?

I had this with my 1 year old DD a few weeks ago and turns out she was just hungry, she ate more and had a few extra bottles over a couple of days then went back to normal sleeping all night now she’s on a bloody hungry strike 😬

lochmaree · 21/08/2023 21:37

We used to use a disco light on slow with our youngest, it would calm him down watching the lights. Now at 14m there's no way he'd sleep if that was on! Can you lay her down next to you in your bed to get her off to sleep?

Cowlover89 · 21/08/2023 21:50

Spirallingdownwards · 21/08/2023 21:07

Surely a music and projector just stimulates rather than soothes?

My son has music and a projector of stars since birth. Doesn't stimulate him.

Clefable · 21/08/2023 21:55

We've used white noise with both of ours. DD1 now chooses to listen to music though and have her projector on!

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