I accidentally hurt my child playing.

[wanabebandit]

hi mumsnet.
looking for some advice or guidance here.
im a parent of two kids, DS is 3 and DD is 5. my kids are my whole world and try to make sure they know that every day, I try really hard to be as active and caring as i can with my kids and play with them all the time. i work full time, but get home from work and go right into childcare mode, playing games and messing about at bath time.
my boy is a little tank, hes utterly fearless and loves quite boystrous play. he climbs all over me we dance around and play on the trampoline quite often.
i often worry about things getting out of hand, and the kids getting hurt playing, but im usually careful not to let things go too far when we're jumping around together. he's had the odd bump and scrape as we go. the thing is, playing with the kids the way they want to play is important to me.
well, this past weekend we were at a garden party with a bouncy castle, the kids were having a great time bouncing around and i was chatting to other parents, my son asked me to play with him at the bouncy castle, which i did. i picked him up and threw him into the bouncy castle. let me be clear i didnt throw him hard more just to make him laugh and nothing i havent done dosens of time on the trampoline at home or on my bed after bath time. but he landed bad and started screaming. turns out the angle he landed on was off and he broke his wrist.
hes got a pot on now and he seems pretty okay in himself, the problem i have is that im utterly consumed by absolute shock, guilt and shame that hes hurt.
it was my fault that he got hurt and i cant even look at myself now. i would NEVER do anything to harm my children and im consumed with self loathing for this. it happned two days ago, i havent eaten, slept or done anyhting. im putting a show on for the kids, but inside im dying.
really i suppose im just trying to see if anyone else has had a similar experience, and can share what happened for them and how they coped with it and how to get over the crippling self loathing for having, albeit inadvertently, hurt their kids.

Ah it’s one of life’s accidents! My dmum pushed my 12 year old on a rope swing and she wasn’t ready and snapped her arm almost in half 😂
what I mean by this is that stuff like this happens all the time!

Oh gosh, that’s rubbish, for your son and for you! Very easily done I’d say, although I think you probably could tone down your ‘he’s so tough!’ spiel a little. I know what it’s like, I absolutely do, I’ve a nearly two year old who sounds pretty similar but it does make you forget sometimes that they still are just little and pretty breakable in the grand scheme of things.
I hope your sons wrist heals quickly and without complication.

These things happen. All the time.

My mum got me to perform a dangerous jump into a pool to show off to a friend (I think it was more to give me something to do because I was annoying them - show them that jump you can do!) And I cut my chin and blood went everywhere. And I still have a small scar. AND I have an embarrassing chin hair that grows out of that scar. My mum never showed any contrition or claimed responsibility even though I've got this hairy scar for life lol it's fine.

I'm sure your DC will have many more minor accidents in their lives. They know you didn't mean for it to happen. They'll be right as rain in no time

It can happen so easily. My eldest bounced on a trampoline next to youngest she went up came down awkwardly and broke a wrist. I think you have to let it go it was an accident.

Ps is your DW/DH giving you a hard time about it? (I don't know why but I assumed you were the dad but re-reading it, you could be either)

Try and be kind to yourself. I shut my dds finger in a door when she was one- the top of her finger was hanging by a bit of skin and she had to have plastic surgery to re attach. She now has a very strange mini tip on her finger that she absolutely hates and gives me grief for!! She loves me very much though!

It’s easier said than done but you really need to stop worrying about it. Shit happens. Me and my oh dislocated DD’s arm twice when she was little, oh did it first when he was playing with her. We were told after we took her to hospital and it was popped back into place to be careful with her for 3 days or so while it healed. A few weeks later I was playing with her and it happened again. When we took her in a doctor tried to bollock me saying weren’t you told not to hold her hand/arm after the first time as it could happen again now??!! I was mortified because we were told it would be fully healed in 3 days and he acted like we were lying. And then when ds was small he jumped off the couch and fell (at least not my fault that time), he didn’t cry or act like anything was wrong. It was only 3 days later I put pressure on his shoulder when I tried to lift him up and he screamed that I realised something was wrong. I took him straight in and he’d broken his collarbone and it took me 3 days to realise. Of course I felt guilty but I’m not beating myself up over it. You were playing with your child op, not beating them up, shit happens!

I shut ds's hand in a door once and he broke 2 fingers.

My dad dropped me onto the corner of a radiator and I have a scar on my forehead. Quite how he managed that one I don't know.

yeah im dad. no my OH isnt giving me a hard time. i find that more galling than if she was. she often tells me to be careful. but shes not very hands on with playing. i was expecting her to have a massive go, but i suspect shes not actually speaking her mind. which stresses me more. simiarly i keep thinking what the other parent who were there must be saying.

Ahh don't give those other parents a moment's thought. But I would tell your DW how you're feeling though, I think I'd really appreciate that if it was my dh who had the accident, and how you'll be more careful in future.

(As an aside- it wasn't the fact you had the accident in the first place that made me think you were the dad! Because all of dd's minor accidents have been with me rather than dh, so it's not that it's a "dad thing". I think it was the "hi mumsnet." Haha)

If you put your all into playing then sometimes even with the best will in the world kids will get hurt, you didn’t throw him onto a bed of nails, it was an inflatable item that breaks millions of bones every year. Maybe just learn from the accident that you aren’t going to Chuck him onto things from s distance as there is a danger he will break something (like last time)

I think what you also have to remember is that Bad Parents don’t feel guilty for hurting or berate themselves, so you are not a Bad Parent, just an unfortunate accident

My DS is now 22 and still has a dent in his head where I hit him with a log when he had only just started walking. I went to throw a log into the fire and left him sitting by the sofa. Didn’t realise he’d come up behind me and I moved my arm holding the log back to throw it and hit him in the head. We both cried buckets.

It happens. You and your wife and your DS know you would never hurt your children intentionally.

Just in follow up to the thing about speaking to your dw... when dd was around 4m I left her napping on our bed (side lying, fed her to sleep then I rolled away and left the room). Dh always uncomfortable with me doing this. She hadn't learnt to roll yet so I thought it'd be fine, but she rolled off the bed. Unluckily I'd left my bedside table drawer ajar and her cheek fell onto the corner and it was a bloody gash.

I was beside myself (she was completely fine, didn't even need medical attn) but the worst part was I could tell dh was forcing himself not to blame me or say anything negative, but I could tell he inwardly blamed me. I just did my best reassuring him of what steps I'd take in the future to prevent it happening again. He would never have said anything so I brought it up - you could do the same, op.

Bouncy castles and trampolines are often cited in accidents so I would try not to worry about it too much but just be more careful next time. They still need plenty of active play though so I wouldn't let that stop you.

my daughter is on holiday with me at the moment and her little 18 month old fell over twice yesterday and has a lovely bruise on his face and a grazed chin.
He is her first and she is so upset blaming herself but it is kids for you.
There can't be a parent alive who hasn't accidentally injured their child at least once or twice so forgive yourself and let it go.
It is normal to feel shaky and upset for a few days by the way but you will feel better soon and be back to normal. And you sound a lovely dad by the way.

Don't stress just make sure your wife knows how you feel and be prepared for her and your ds to bring it up in a jokey way in the future.
If you keep doing things that cause a and e trips then maybe start to worry.
Kids break things playing/trampolines/football/rugby/playground/beds/stairs/climbing frames. It happens and you can't protect them from everything.