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7 replies

ThingsNStuff · 20/08/2023 11:43

DD3 is kind, loving, confident, and awesome.

Recently though, she's started responding very rudely, sometimes with knee-jerk negativity. She tries to boss us around and her tone can be very jarring, there’s a fair bit of feet stomping. Not all the time but it’s increasing in frequency.

We’re not authoritative or punitive parents. At home we are kind and respectful to her and each other.

She's settled, happy, an only child attending preschool (2 days) and we do playdates. We give her simple appropriate choices often: green/blue plate, walk or run out of the park, climb up to car seat or I pick you up, that kind of thing. Works really well and we hardly have pushback there anymore.

But it seems we have entered a new dawn of chat back!

Want to nip this in the bud though. I understand age appropriate behaviour so I don’t take it personally but it is starting to grate.

We’re not about to be drill-sergeants or anything, she is only little and I know there’s only so much she’ll grasp and it’ll take time. This is mostly about us setting a good foundation.

Hit me with your practical tips and scripts/wording you’d use when the rudeness happens please?

I find it really helpful to have go-to phrases!

Thank you x

PS: I already follow helpful Instagram accounts like Dr Siggie, Big Little Feelings, Big Life Journal but I find it hard to find specific posts relating to this. I’m also trying to limit social media where possible.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Dotcheck · 20/08/2023 11:47

I think it’s ok to implement a rule that your children can’t speak to you in a shitty tone of voice.
ie- ‘ I can’t understand you when you speak to me that way’

RachelsHere · 20/08/2023 11:48

What is she actually saying?

ThingsNStuff · 20/08/2023 11:57

I agree @Dotcheck just looking for how to implement it. I like that line, thank you

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ThingsNStuff · 20/08/2023 12:06

@RachelsHere often it’s now about what she’s saying but how. I’m fully ok with her saying no or telling me that she doesn’t want something, but I have a problem with being barked or shouted at when she’s doing it.

OP posts:
ABCmom91 · 20/08/2023 12:10

I don’t ‘hear’ if the kids don’t answer or ask nicely. “ that seems to work for us
similar to the not understanding suggestion

Zaaarrr · 20/08/2023 12:18

I'd focus on encouraging good conversation skills at home. Seek her opinion on things that you wouldn't ordinarily so she feels listened to. Talk in the car or when you are walking and have proper conversations at meal times, that sort of thing.

Make sure when you are asking her to do something you do it in the same way that you want her to talk to you.

If she talks to you in a way you don't like say 'talk to mammy in a kind voice' (or something similar) in a neutral tone and carry on with what you are doing.

takealettermsjones · 20/08/2023 15:41

"When you've asked nicely then I can think about what you're asking me."

"Shouting at me will not change my answer."

"I don't play with/get things for people who are rude to me."

"Try again!"

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