4 year old obsessed with tablet advice

[Taylordreams]

My 4 year old has had a tablet for the last year, something we have allowed him to use in the early mornings and occasional long trips or meals out. He has a few education apps and kidstube on it. He usually just watched kidstube for a while but would get bored and play with something else after about 20 minutes.

He's recently gotten into Mario after seeing the film so we downloaded mario kart for him about a month ago and he's become really obsessed with playing it. We have a newborn so didn't mind at first as it kept him busy and quiet but recently he's been asking for the tablet a lot, getting upset when we have to take it away and I feel it's making his behaviour worse too. We took it away yesterday after some bad behaviour and he's been crying asking for it this morning.

Do we take it away for a while or give it but just have set periods he knows he can have it? Do we delete Mario kart from it? We are going on holiday at the end of the week so I think having it then will make the long flight and all the waiting about more manageable. Any advice would be appreciated

Can you put time limits on it? Maybe give him an hour a day then it shuts down.

Put it away for a while. They don't need them at his age. When you reintroduce have strict limits of usage which you stick to.

Put it away he’s far too young and learning to rely on it rather than how to behave/entertain himself in situations like meals out and journeys.

Get rid, cold turkey. He doesn't need Mario etc at his age.

(you've seen how addicting tablets are for little ones and what happens when they're taken away, and also how it generally affects his behaviour. Seriously, take it away)

I agree- get rid of it. At 4 you hold all the power here. If you allow this habit to set in now, imagine the battles when he's 8/11/14/ whatever.

Also (I mean this nicely, we've all been there) ask yourself honestly how much you are reluctant for him to go cold turkey because of the inconvenience to you. I honestly don't mean this in a sanctimonious way but there are loads of other activities he could do on a flight or at the airport - colouring, puzzle books, even a film downloaded onto a laptop.

From personal experience I’d recommend cold turkey.

you’ll have a horrible 48hrs and then he will just forget about it.

Our youngest was similar during covid and this was the only way that worked for us.

Get rid cold Turkey!

Gaming is addictive and is very bad for the brains of young children. To over simplify: as their every action in the game has an immediate consequence, and we are evolutionarily hardwired to seek consequences, their brain learns to expect an immediate reaction to every action and they end up with no patience. They also get no emotional feedback to their choices.

They become incapable of slowly working towards a goal, incapable of enjoying the slow-build activities they actually need to eg learn to ride a bike, learn handwriting etc etc. They become grumpy assholes after each gaming session, you may have noticed this.

We made the same mistake during toddler years and had to go cold turkey and take away gaming (and youtube) completely when DC. When we reintroduced it years later we had strict time limits of max one hour each time, 3 days a week. But the time limits create arguments and stress and aren’t a great solution in my experience.

My opinion would be to get rid. He has a whole life time of being on screens ahead of him, no rush. The earlier the addiction starts, the more ingrained it will be and the more difficult he'll find enjoying other activities.

Get rid. A 4 yo doesn’t need a tablet. Get him a sticker book and play I-Spy in the car.

Stop him using it completely. There are plenty of other things he can do in the early mornings on on journeys.

I teach four year olds and you can tell the ones that spend time on tablets. Their concentration being poor is the biggest problem.

I'm going to go against the grain and say keep the tablet and help him learn to manage his time on it, amongst a variety of other activities.

MN is very anti-screens and anti-gaming and posters generally refuse to accept any benefits of screens. I'm not saying 5 hours a day of Fortnite for a 4 year old but in moderation, and with the right games, programs etc there is nothing wrong at all with screens. Look at Teach Your Monster to Read, and the othe plethora of educational games.

Screens are here in the world for their lifetime. Having a blanket ban on them isn't, to me, a great idea to help them manage their behaviour around them.

I'd keep it for the holidays and then put it away for a good long while.
I agree that kids are going to use screens a lot in their lifetimes but for preschoolers I would only allow very closely supervised time. I used to watch a few videos on YouTube with DD but she wasn't allowed to sit and watch them by herself.
She got very limited (only safe websites) access for chunks of time by about mid primary as they were using PC's at school. No phone until High School.
She's a teen now and does spend time online but also spends lots of time on other hobbies.
It's really worth starting with the attitudes and expectations early. Keep it age appropriate and try and keep reasonably up to speed with what your kids know!

Also against the grain. Our kids (4 and 1) have open access to tablets (obviously this might change if their behaviour does). They use them for educational games for downtime, settle themselves with snacks and a rest. They would rather play with toys the majority of the time.

Mario is the problem. We have kart, party and brothers on the switch, and hes allowed 45 minutes in the evening and 45 minutes while his sister naps. Before we capped it he had problems around turning it off. He only plays with me or his dad, not alone. If we had it on his tablet he would never be off of it.

Go cold turkey to reset. Then you can consider reintroducing it, but set a timer and be strict about the situations it's used in and what is on it if you choose to do so.
For us at that age, free use of tablets were only allowed during long car journeys or places like hospital waiting rooms. We did allow daily use of the Teach Your Monster To Read app if they wanted to, but in reality this was only a couple of times a week.

Wow thank you so much for the responses, I agree with cold turkey but I'm nervous about our flight and how to keep him entertained on a long journey with a baby too. I'm thinking we'll definitely delete Mario kart and just use the tablet for watching a movie or TV show on the plane and then put it away until we are going home.

To be honest prior to Mario Kart there wasn't really an issue with him using it so definitely think it has triggered the obsession. He's already asked for it about 10 times this morning which shows me how addictive it must be for him

How did you entertain him before the tablet? Do that. Chuck the tablet in the bin

Definitely will be going back to spending more time painting, building and getting out to the park etc but obviously this isn't possible on a long flight. We'll bring books and activities but I think watching a film together should be fine hopefully especially stuck in a confined space. It's unfortunate as we had bought some good learning apps which he was using and helping him with phonics and spelling, maybe when he is older we can reintroduce it. He'll be starting school soon and then going to an after schools club so time for the table will be massively reduced anyway