Feeling like I’m not made for the mum role…

[Sushiandunagi]

I have 2 DC - DS 6 and DD 1. I love them both dearly. They are truly amazing and light up my day. Separately. I feel like I have 2 chaotic particles that collide all the time. They have their moments of calm; however most days I go to bed thinking WTF?! I wish I could be more patient, enjoy them a bit more, appreciate a bit more and not get annoyed so often (mostly with my 6 year old). I feel like I could have done so much better but I just suck at being mum. I feel that I’m taking their enjoyment of life away all the time by picking on little things and obsessing about little things, saying no too often etc. I try my best to watch my reactions and be kind at all times but sometimes I just loose it.
i feel like with someone who knows what they are doing my children could be so much more, could have so much more. They are so pure and lovely they truly don’t deserve a mum like me.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong though, I must be. Why is this so hard? Why I can’t think of something for them to do together? Well my DS won’t play on his own no matter what - we restricted his tech and I hoped it should help creativity but no. He’s not into colouring, not Lego, not hot wheels, not construction toys … nothing. He does occasionally play with house hose on his own but ends up spraying everything else around and soaking himself or he might do some logic workbook for a bit. My DD is constantly on the move! She just never stops. Even to get her to eat I have to do a performance as she won’t sit in high chair. She has to feed herself, do everything herself. She is very bright bless her but so demanding - it’s draining. Even taking them to the park is a nightmare - DD will run fearlessly towards swings and see saws, throw herself off the slide etc… meanwhile my DS will just shout “mum look! Mum!” the whole time or follow me everywhere asking to play then get annoyed and tantrum.
Not sure what I want with this post. To vent? Maybe hear that it will get better?

sorry for the long post and thank you if you read it…

It’s completely fine to feel like this, most parents of young kids do at times. Give yourself a break, doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong. 6 and 1 are very different stages with very different needs - chaotic particles sounds about right. DS has had several years of being the centre of attention, no matter how much he loves DD, DD is a change to the status quo and it would be perfectly natural if he played up a bit. And yes, it will get better.

Of course it will get better! And then they’ll be teens and it will get worse again.

Are you getting enough rest? Enough time way from the kids? I’m remembering how frazzled I was in lockdown with a 1 year old and an 8 year old, it was relentless trying to keep the kids occupied, off devices and relatively quiet while DH worked.

Four hours “off” might be enough for you to feel refreshed. See if you can arrange some me-time.

Mine are 7 and 2 and this is how I feel all the time too. I wish wish wish I could just be more laid back but instead I feel like I'm constantly nagging my 7yo. I consciously try to adopt a "is this really the hill I want to die on" mentality but i still end up having to pick him up on stuff all day long and he is just so moody and tantrums all the time. It's hard. I thought it would get easier but so far it is more difficult!

@bignosebignose @WomanAtWork thanks for the encouragement :-) Yes indeed they are at very different stages… they both are very manageable on their own but together - big bada boom! I guess a few hours to myself just won’t cut it haha I need a whole week.

@catsandkid oh I feel you! Do your kiddos enjoy any activities together? I guess the lucky part is that the older ones are going to be back at school soon… but I know I will miss my DS so much!

They do sometimes play nicely together.., but generally it's a case of DS7 playing with something and DS2 wanting to play with it too... and then an argument begins! But iDS2 is a much more chilled character and just wants to join in usually - whereas DS7 basically came out of the womb furious and has maintained his level of fury at the world for his whole life!

On his own DS7 can be easy enough and you can take him away or on big day trips and he's a delight - he's very bright and loves learning about new places and asking lots of questions. But day-to-day life at home is tough and he hates having to do anything like brush teeth, get dressed etc and will argue about nothing!

I really feel for you, OP.

Mine are DD9 and DS5 and they're great... mostly. But they are so so so much easier when I've just got one of them to focus on. When they're together they're either absolute best friends or they hate one another, and that's it. DD is getting to an age now where sometimes she just wants to be left alone, and DS wants to play. She waited ages for him to be able to play properly with her and now she doesn't want to half the time. It can be so hard!

And when mine were roughly the same ages as yours I felt like I was doing it all wrong - letting DD down because I had to focus on DS a bit more, or not giving DS the same amount of attention I did DD at that age. I knew it wasn't really true but Mum Guilt can be horrendous.

You're doing a great job, OP. I'm sure of it