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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

staying at my mothers with my baby and had huge row

25 replies

bumbly · 29/02/2008 11:08

my lo was having trouble sleeping as all new room etc

so was leaving him to cry and unfortunately it was a bit of a very bad cry

lo = 7 months old

my mom comes in and slaps me in front of baby and says i should pick him up as in block of flats people would call police if baby kept crying more etc

also was told would you leave baby to cry in hotel etc

i replied was only going to give it a try for 5 mins as we always do at home esp since he had been up for an hour. fed and changed and we knew he was alright and sleepy

mum in a real strop and said i need mental help

was i really that bad to leave baby to cry!!??

feel awful..always doing best for child and my mom keeps saying i am bad

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

alittlebitshy · 29/02/2008 11:10

IMO no way weere you doing a bad thing.
your mum on the other hand .

belgo · 29/02/2008 11:11

she slapped you???

that's shocking, and to make you feel so bad about it.

Why didn't she come in and help you rather then attacking you?

MyMummiesAScummyMummy · 29/02/2008 11:12

Bumbly so shocked and angry for you. Is this the first time your mother has hit you? does she think it is unacceptable to leave a baby cry but okay to assault her daughter? Are you able to say any more about your situation as to why you're living with you're mother?

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moondog · 29/02/2008 11:12

Good God,it's your mother that needs the help.
How dare she?
She sounds bonkers.
Poor yuo

Original poster

bumbly · 29/02/2008 11:12

well she stormed through room when i told her to wait and then i walked in adnd said let me try to be a mum myself

then she slapped me....

OP posts:

Wisteria · 29/02/2008 11:13

Do you have to stay there? If not, don't...

You were not doing anything wrong but slapping you???? well out of order.

Original poster

bumbly · 29/02/2008 11:13

visiting mum that is all so leaving today...

OP posts:

belgo · 29/02/2008 11:13

are you staying with her long?

alittlebitshy · 29/02/2008 11:13

Unbelievable. She calls that being a mum??

belgo · 29/02/2008 11:13

oh x-posts. Good that you are leaving!

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/02/2008 11:14

Your mother slapped you? Waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of order.

Leaving a baby to cry in the hope they settle for a few minutes is okay. What your mother did is not.

Original poster

bumbly · 29/02/2008 11:14

i was just angry that she kept underminign my deicsion to let baby cry n a safe environment - tho she had a poiunt she lives in small b lock of flats!

point taken but no need to slap me

OP posts:

WingsofanAngel · 29/02/2008 11:14

Are you just visiting or are your living with her.

She was wrong to slap you.

You were not wrong to see if baby would settle.

I would suggest she is more helpful in the future.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 29/02/2008 11:15

Get your stuff together and leave right now.

Original poster

bumbly · 29/02/2008 11:16

yes going

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 29/02/2008 11:16

She slapped you

I would have a little more sympathy for her position if she didn't seem to be more concerned about what the neighbours would say

Original poster

bumbly · 29/02/2008 11:17

unfort my mom also said to me on day lo born that i didnt knwo how to hold him

so never been hel[pful with comments

tho has been very helpful with money in away no thoer grandma could be so

difficult position for me

makes it harder to critise her cuz wouldnt have as miuch if werent for her financial help

OP posts:

belgo · 29/02/2008 11:17

yes, she wasn't concerned about her daughter's or her grandchild's wellbeing, just concerned about what the neighbours would think

WingsofanAngel · 29/02/2008 11:18

Money does not equal love.

That is like buying your relationship.

Original poster

bumbly · 29/02/2008 11:19

but she is giving money at her sacrifice and is her way of showinf affection i know!

OP posts:

belgo · 29/02/2008 11:19

she doens't have the right to treat you like that just because she's giving you money.

DumbledoresGirl · 29/02/2008 11:26

Damn, I posted a long reply and lost it.

Anyway, this is what I said:

I checked your profile Bumbly and you are 35 years old. If you had been a teenager, I might have seen why your mother hit you as you would still be a child in her eyes (not that makes smacking right btw). But you are 35 and it is very shocking that she hit you.

Leaving your baby was fine. The baby would be upset by the different surroundings so I think that meant it was doubly important that you maintained whatever routine you have at home.

Lastly I wanted you to know that my mother and I had arguments and tensions over the way I reared my children. I think it is pretty common between mothers and daughters. I hope it helps you feel better to know you are not alone in this.

Oh and btw, I would recommend going home and not getting in contact with your mother for a long time. Make her realise that she misses you and her grandson.

LIZS · 29/02/2008 14:54

omg , how dare she hit you ! Babies cry fgs if she is that concerned about the neighbours she should n't have invited you to stay. Honestly you are really unfortunate in your family and professional support - are they all on some power kick to undermine you ? Leave and wait for her to get in touch and apologise, you'll manage financially somehow.

Tortington · 29/02/2008 14:58

rather be on the bones of my arse

gingerninja · 29/02/2008 15:02

Bumbly, I remember your early posts and your mum undermining you. Suprised you have any confidence in yourself. My mum is a very domineering character too and can make me feel like I don't have a clue. The fact is. I do; you do too. You know your DS. If you're happy to leave him to settle and your mum disagrees then you can discuss it but ultimately the decision is yours. Hitting you is totally unacceptable. Can you tell her that it's unacceptable? That you're a mother yourself and you won't tolerate it.

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