Newborn and a toddler - please give me some top tips for handling the 5-7pm period (feeding, bath, bed etc)

[MuffinMclay]

I don't have enough hands and this time of day seems to spiral out of control. Yesterday I ended up with both dcs (2 weeks, 22 months) screaming at me non-stop for 2 hours. Ds1 even made himself sick by screaming so much.

Before ds2 came along it all seemed to work well (5-6 prepare and serve food, 6-6.30 bath, 6-30 7 stories). When I have to factor in changing, holding, and feeding ds2 (ff so 2 hands needed) it goes wrong.

Do you have a TV?
I used to feed the toddler his dinner early so 4.30/5 ish
Toddler then watches TV while I change, feed put baby to bed
Then bath and bed for toddler (sometimes baby would scream during this but she just had to wait)

You might find this thread helpful...

Skip the bath bit? Never understood why people think it's necessary to faff around with a bath before bed. My kids don't smell, I promise. Well, not too much

best advice I was ever given (14 months betwen dd2 and ds) was that the newborn will know no different and will not come to any harm if left to cry for a bit. The toddler will know different and WILL suffer if left to their own devices too much.

So... if you have to make a choice, leave the baby to cry while you sort out ds1.

Remember, that he won't come to any harm to be a bit dirty, he doesn't actually need a bath every night. You can always bath him during the day when the baby has been fed and is sleeping.

Do you have a partner who can pick up the slack a bit?

Also, routines are great, but they don't have to be stuck to absolutely. If it is easier for you to put ds1's bedtime back a bit while ds2 is so little, it won't matter.

Don't let it get out of hand. You don't have to have everyone in bed and asleep by 7.

Actually bathing every night can dry the skin.
My top tip. Sit down if you can before hand and have a snack to eat.
I realised that I was actually very tired and hungry at that time of the day and it made my patience wear thin.
My DD also used to like story tapes in her bedroom at this time of the day which gave me a little space . Of course I prefer to read to her but it was a good standby if I was needed elsewhere. And you can get story tapes at the library

In the Night Garden always works for us too... it's on for half an hour!

I swear by Story Makers and In the Night Garden - on from 6-6.50 on CBeebies. If you don't have a tv or freeview almost worth getting them just for this. My DS (19 months) is only allowed to watch these on TV and loves them. He remains completely silent throughout them and is spellbound!

If poss, try and get the baby into a habit of having a big feed 4.30-5ish and then nap. Took a few weeks before this happened with my DC2 but it did really help when she did this. Had similar gap (2yrs) and it was hard at this time of day for the first couple of weeks.

I used to try and put her down for a nap at 5 and more often than not she would sleep for a bit. Sometimes she would cry but I would be so busy with DC1 I would take a minute or two to get to her, and she actually learnt to settle herself quite well (I wasn't doing controlled crying or anything!!). I used to try and do dinner and bath v quickly before she woke (or skipped bath sometimes).

Sometimes she would do the full 2 hours, but if she didn't then at least most of the 'jobs' were done and DC1 would be sat on the sofa drinking his milk, and could have a 10 minutes of TV before bed or a story whilst I fed DC2.

I remember getting really stressed at this time of day too!

I remember(I have two with 18 months difference) that at 2 weeks, my DS2 was having a nap at around 4-5 ish so that gave me some time to focus on DS1 and get dinner on the go. It is a tough time! Television works, it's not ideal but it really helped DS1 relax a bit and be a little less demanding.

As for bath, I was bathing them on alternative nights. From about 3 months, I started giving them baths together, it took a bit of organisation but it worked (and still works) quite well.

4 months ago I would never have encouraged dd1 to watch TV. Now ITNG is part of her bedtime routine .

*We do bath at 6pm ish (if baby is awake she goes in as well, if she is sleeping she misses having a bath, if she is hungry she feeds whilst I bath dd1)
*She has supper watching ITNG (baby either sleeping or feeding or wriggling naked on carpet, I make tea or feed baby or chill out watching ITNG as well, particularly if dh is going to be home late)

• A few stories then bed between 7pm and 7.30pm

Although it is a very set routine, everything is flexible. Things are much easier now I've started to have a snack just before bath time or whilst dd1 is eating. I was getting far too tired and grumpy without it.

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this. I find that time iof the day a struggle too. Hints:
Get a slow cook and use it
Bath both children together (bring babys bouncy chair upstairs and once you get baby out wrap in towel and place in chaior while you sort other one out)

You could also try a sling while your preparing dinner.

HTH

Funnily enough we introduced in the Night Garden too after previously being a no cbeebies house-hold . Also dd only got bathed once a week. I would have the baby in a sling a lot to keep him settled. It's a tough time of the day when you're juggling two but is easier once the baby is a bit bigger an distractable by a babygym or happy to watch sibling in the bath.

Thanks everyone. Lots of good ideas there, especially on the linked 'bath' thread. The last couple of days haven't been qute so bad.

The main problem is the half hour or so when I am trying to cook for ds1, and ds2 won't stop screaming. Guess I'll just have to learn to ignore some degree of screaming.

what are you cooking? can you not make simpler stuff / bulk cook at weekends so you are just reheating something?

sling at cooking time would help, I think

I rarely cook "properly" for dd1 unless dh is here too. She eats healthy food, just not traditional cooked stuff when I am pushed. Microwaved jacket potato, cold meats/cheese. Fruit and salad bits. (I am lucky that she likes cucumber and pepper sticks etc). Yogurts/rice puddings/custards. Toast and individual cheese portions if I am desperate.

The baby like most of the others on this thread doesn't get many baths - maybe 2-3 a week. She enjoys it but I find it a hassle when we are all knackered. On the odd occasion I bath her in the morning when dd1 is at pre-school.

Your OP brought it all back to me . I remember sobbing at this time when DC2 was a baby.

Prepare ahead - perhaps prepare tea/dinner when they are having daytime sleep. It'll buy you more time in the evening too.

I've just had DC4. At tea/bathtime she really didn't factor much (I was given an old swing which has been mightly useful at this time, or I carried her in a sling, fed her while feeding them). When the older ones were sorted and in bed, I'd have a bath with DC4. Calmed my feelings of maternal guilt for ignoring her for two hours!

I used to bath DS2 in the morning instead of the evening so you then only have one bath to deal with. And I eventually managed to get DS2 into a bed time routine that had him in bed approx 30 mins before DS1's bath.

Also Cbeebies bedtime hour is a god send, honest! I have no guilt about using the TV to enterain DS1 to save on the tears and tantrums.

Also Rain Forrest Jumperoo is brilliant for enteraining DS1 whilst cooking dinner for DS2.

I know it has been said before but I always put DD in a sling while cooking. Found it utterly invaluable even if it slowed me down a little bit. I was unable to put DD down for about 8 months without her screaming so I just had to come up with other solutions because I really didnt want to leave her to cry. Lets just say not a lot of housework got done in the first year of DD's life. I found washing at the bottom of my wash basket that had been there since before she was born .

I did bath every night though because it tired her out ready for bed.

So tough as I remember (although think I have suppressed some of it as a coping strategy

Large glass of wine could help make it more bearable????

I too use CBeebies from 6.30pm give them their supper and milk. This used to coincide with DS' bottle too. Bath nightly only if it suits you if not do once or twice a week ... alternate nights for each child although mine loved bathtime they don't always do they!!!

Bedtime story, DS as a baby on DD's bed sometimes me rocking him colicky screaming aroudn her room shouting the story so she could hear me ... praying that he'd stop, happy days ...

It won't last forever as they say x

Hello - just been there, MuffinMclay (like a bundle of hay, by any chance?!) - my two are 24mo and 5mo.

I found that 5-7pm time was witching hour for my littlest one - she'd be very unsettled (she got colic at 2 weeks too) and often cluster feed. I was lucky because dh would come home. But what I found life saving was to cook for me and dh after the babies were in bed, and save leftovers in the fridge for ds for the next evening. We also did batch cook ups of easy freezable food like spaghetti bolognaise, fish pie - that sort of thing. You could even do your cooking while dc2 is napping during the day. That way, you only have to warm up the food.

Since dd came along, ds has a kind of Pavalovian response to the beep beep beep of the microwave timer!

this is what helped me for the first 8 months or so. My 2 are 22 months apart, I think that babies quite often need a quick cat nap somewhere around the times you mentioned, the baby will love to have a quick snooze in the sling to tide it over until bedtime. Also would suggest cooking earlier in the day. Hope it improves. I can remember how hard it can be not knowing what to do to whom to make it work.