Life with newborn

[HoldingOnForARainbow]

My newborn is nearly 4 weeks old. We went through a rough journey to get here after multiple miscarriages. It was a very much planned and wanted baby.

Since he was born, I have been nothing but an emotional wreck and probably cried more than smiled. I can’t begin to explain how I feel but I’m intrigued to hear other first time mums experiences.

Everybody said when baby is born you would feel a love like no other. I’m mad at myself because I was riddled with that much panic and intrusive thoughts something terrible would happen, that I didn’t allow myself the time to breathe and take it all in. I felt nothing but panic when they lay him on my chest. I can’t recall feeling that insane amount of love that everybody described.

Recovery has been tough post c-section but my other half has been amazing. He’s back at work now and I’m constantly questioning if I’m “cut out” for this mum life. I just can’t stop crying. I love him with every piece of my heart but life is just so different now. I don’t know if I’m slowly adjusting or if there’s something wrong with me.

They say sleep when baby sleeps but my brain is not turning off. I’m absolutely exhausted and feeling nothing but run down. I suspect this is making me more emotional.

I’m really struggling to be as open with my partner about how I’m feeling. Partly because I don’t want him to think I’m failing or I don’t want this.

It’s just really damn hard and this feels a safe space to write.

How have others felt?

That all sounds very normal and natural to me - and that's without having had the journey you had to get here.

NC for this as am saying things I would be so embarrassed to admit in real life. I have 2 DC - 4 and 2. I did not enjoy the newborn stage at all as I had a horrible breastfeeding journey but pushed myself to do it for 2 years for each DC anyway due to social and peer pressure. And the repeat routine of nappies, feeding is so boring (there I said it)

My 4 year old is now much more communicative and I now love spending time with. It took me 4 years to get to now when I fully appreciate and enjoy my DCs. Are there things I wish I did differently? yes.

Please know that you are not alone

Sounds normal to me - I never got the insane hormonal rush that everyone promised me, but loved him so much (obvs still do haha!) I just remember being knackered 😅 And the whole "sleep when baby sleeps" was never possible for me and definitely the most annoying piece of advice ever doled out ad nauseum!!

Be open with your partner, and mindful of signs of PND, but gentle with yourself- you have had major surgery and have a whole baby to keep alive - thats more than enough to make anyone emotional!! 💕

And I echo the above who says... it is boring those first few weeks! So I found going from a stimulating high paced job straight into the feed/change/sleep/repeat cycle of a newborn really was a big adjustment mentally - so give yourself time to adjust! They do get more interesting and sleep does eventually return! ❤️

Sounds totally normal, and just how I felt with my first. With my second I questioned myself less, and was more prepared for the hormonal crash.

I loathe the advice to ‘sleep when baby sleeps’. I’m sure it’s great if you can switch off enough to do this, but just like you, I couldn’t stop my mind racing for long enough to get some sleep.

You are definitely not alone. Unfortunately I think even the most supportive partner will struggle to understand how you are feeling - mine definitely didn’t at some points, although he was very supportive. I’d encourage you to speak to your hv if that’s possible - I have found them a useful resource for just offloading to in the past.

You are cut out for this though, and I’m sure you’re doing a fantastic job - it is just a huge adjustment.

Welcome to the fourth trimester! I cried more in the first month after my daughter was born than in the last 15 years! I distinctly remember telling my husband we’d made a mistake and my sister should adopt her.

It got a LOT easier at the ten week mark, then again at ten months. She’s now just over 2 and the most fun ever.

Newborns are hard OP, just ride it out and don’t be hard on yourself. I’m 32 weeks right now and not looking forward to going back into that early stage, but I think it will be easier knowing what’s coming.

With my first I cried every single time my husband did something for me. We had also just sold our flat so we had a lot of money in the bank and I genuinely tried to buy a pub so my husband would never have to go back to work (aka never leave me side). Safe to say it was hormones. Newborn life is so temporary and mad. You are doing great. With both my kids i didnt feel remotely like myself till 1 year post partum. Give it time, take it 1 day at a time. My second was born after multiple losses and the amount of losses does not negate how tough having a baby is! Congratulations 🥳

It's so hard at first. No one tells you and I think you forget too. With my first I literally wondered if I'd made a huge mistake. My husband faired Bettye r but he didn't have hormones to contend with.

It took me 6 weeks before I really bonded with my son. I was too shell shocked before that. BUT then I totally fell in love with him. It does get better.

Second time was totally different as I knew what to expect. Even with a 2yo it was ten times easier.

The only thing I'd advise (which is not advice I followed) is to do as little as humanly possible. Don't feel guilty if you eat crap, look terrible and your house is a mess. You will get back to more balanced state eventually. I tried taking my first to. Any classes at a few weeks before he had any concept of what was going on. I tried to walk 10000 steps a day and cook! Second time I didn't leave the house for two weeks or get dresssed.

Re not getting to sleep, have you tried sleep meditation? Look up yoga nidra or sleep meditation on you tube or I tunes. It puts me to sleep every time.

I cannot begin to explain the relief of reading these responses.

I felt with my 2 newborns the first few weeks/months were a damn hard slog waiting for a bomb to go off at any moment. Then of course you had to deal with the fallout, whatever it was. On top of the washing mountain this tiny creatures arrival created and me being a hormonal mess. Oh and the sleep deprivation on top. The older they got and the more feedback and engagement I got from them, the easier it became.
Clearly the newborn phase probably up to around 4 months wasn't my favourite! I had C sections too and the further in I got and things generally settling down and adjusting to life with a baby, the easier it got. Looking back I think the first 6 weeks were probably the hardest for me. Hang in there, 2 more weeks and you'll be driving again and the baby will start smiling when they see you

It's normal, if incredibly tough. I didn't believe the hormonal rush really existed til I had it with my second. I definitely didn't have it with my first
I found the baby months very very hard. Toddlers are much easier. Parenting is overwhelming and exhausting but you do eventually adjust

Oh those early weeks are so so tough. My oldest is 8 now and I still remember DH calling me into the bathroom when she was tiny because she was so cute. I didn't care how cute she was, I just wanted her to be asleep! And then I cried all over the bathroom floor because I was obviously a terrible mother. The difference was, he'd been out of the house for 9 hours, and she'd been attached to me for almost all of them and I was overwhelmed.

Hang in there. It does get easier. When September comes, try to find a couple of bay groups to go to, or start meeting up woth friends who have babies/toddlers if any of your friends are at that stage. It helped me so much to have another adult to talk to to break the day up, even if all we were talking about were babies and feeding and lack of sleep.

I felt exactly the same with my 1st. Everyone told me I'd feel an amazing rush of love the minute she was born and I just felt 'meh'
It actually took me until she was 3 to feel like a mum and that I'd bonded with her but I suffered horribly from PND so that obviously played a huge part in it.
The newborn stage is tedious. Yes they're precious but as pp have said, the change/eat/sleep cycle is boring. My 2nd is 6 months now and it's more fun!
Please talk to your dh, I'm sure he won't think you're failing. Or your hv will be a good person to speak to.
You're not alone in how you feel. Hang in there, things will get easier

I hated the newborn stage with my first. I felt like I had no idea what to do, I was so tired I was walking around in a fog, felt like a zombie. I remember crying and thinking 'what the hell have I done?'!

Honestly, it will get easier. I first felt a rush of love much later - maybe 4 months? That's when I finally felt like I could do it. The first few months are just about survival and healing, do whatever you need to do to get through it. Call in all favours. Live off pizza and cake. Binge watch Netflix. Get out for a walk every day, even if it's just a short hobble round the block with a crying baby in a sling. Get shopping delivered. Let the housework slide. Xxx

Hey, I just wanted to say that I felt exactly the same probably for around the first 3 months especially. I had a bit of a traumatic birth which didn’t help, I remember panicking if she was breathing as she didn’t cry and when they finally put her on my chest, I was just completely out of it after a large PPH. I did not feel that instant rush of love people describe, this came a few months later and continues to grow everyday 9 months on. I started to enjoy it once she was smiling, laughing, rolling, crawling etc. Remember it’s all stages with babies, both the good bits and the less good bits will pass quickly, which is both a blessing and a curse. Just take it easy, watch some lighthearted tv, eat yummy food and take lots of pics & videos (I can’t remember much from those first months as it was such a blur!) x

Oh OP, I felt exactly the same and I think most new moms do. I was exhausted but too much adrenaline/changes to sleep when she slept. I didn't feel the infinite love and felt secretly guilty for that. She was a very high need baby, would breastfeed 20+ times a day, couldn't put her down in her cot, didn't want to be in the pram or car etc. It was hard.
I felt the feeling of overwhelming love and protection towards her for the first time when she was a few months old. I remember that moment really well and I felt I loved her so much I cried. These things take time, adjusting to being a new mother takes time.
Don't worry about what others say, remember these feelings will pass, just try and do whatever works for you right now without overthinking too much.

DD is now 3 yo and a wonderful little girl, I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Oh, bless you.
Honestly, there are SO many of us that struggled at that stage.
I didn't get dressed some days. Certainly didn't manage to wash my hair or shower as often as I should.

Could have written exactly the same thing when my DC was 4 weeks. Had extreme anxiety in pregnancy after a few complications. First 4 weeks baby is here are absolutely horrendous for some (including me). I was an utter mess but at the same time cross and upset with myself that I wasn't able to "savour every moment". It's a complete reconfiguration of your entire life, and it's brutal! I promise you it will pass. It doesn't seem like it now, but it really does. 8 weeks was a turning point for me, you may turn the corner sooner. Hold on, you are doing amazing, and it will pass. Ignore Instagram and anyone who offers unsolicited advice. Don't compare yourself, trust your instincts and do you.

The good news is that the newborn stage is short and will be over soon! I really disliked it but I'm enjoying DC much more now that he's 8 months and more smiley and interactive.

@HoldingOnForARainbow firstly massive congratulations on your new arrival, and secondly you are doing a great job ❤️

I wrote a post similar to yours 2 years ago when my first son was born. I was miserable, thought I made the biggest mistake of my life and was grieving my previous life. DH was utterly in love with him but I just felt meh, did not get the rush of love everyone talks about. I was crying everyday but I did talk to DH about it. I also spoke to my health visitor about how I felt and she referred me for CBT talking therapies, but by the time I got my appointment 2 months later I was feeling a lot better.

Please know you will get through this, those first few months are tough with the hormones and adjustment to being a mum. I recall getting our first smile at 6 weeks and my heart melting, and then it got better at 8 weeks when he slept longer stretches at night etc etc. Be kind to yourself and take each day at a time.

I'm currently snuggling with baby no 2 who was born exactly a month ago so very similar age to your LO 🥰 Sending you love and hugs, here if you want to chat about anything xx