Have you had this! Absent parent suddenly wants contact

[Burgerandfriies]

Hi everyone

Can I ask for some feedback on your personal experiences. So for those who’ve gone to court for a contact order, especially let’s say the absent parent was absent for some time, what was the outcome.

I know it’s case by case but as I don’t have experience in this area I’m just trying to get a general understanding.

• What sort of length of time would the court deem as u reasonable to just want to have contact all of a sudden
• what was the impact of DV on the request (if ur case involved DV)
• what arguments did you put forward for the best interest of your child?
• what was the outcome in the end and how’s it going?

You don’t have to answer every point lol just anything you’re comfy to share. Thank you all

In my case my ex got EOW and half school holidays through court on give occasions - the length of time he’d been absent only mattered the first time where they ordered no overnights for the first three months, then one overnight for two months, and then the two as the girls were young and he hadn’t seen them for over a year. On one occasion he got an incredibly detailed order including pick up times, who was responsible for meals, and the works.

Each and every time he stuck to it for however long the relationship he was in lasted (I was always the crazy ex stopping him having contact so the court cases were ‘proving’ how determined he was…) and then either stopped again abruptly when the relationship ended or petered out when he stopped trying to impress the woman (usually when he was cheating on her).

He refused to return the child from contact, despite not having PR. Police did nothing. He made serious malicious allegations (proved to be false). Dragged through the court for a year and now they have 60/40 custody with him having the 60. SS involved and they specifically stated he was actively coaching the child to cause parental alienation. He lies constantly and was caught out every time. His DV against the mum was so severe that he wasn’t allowed near her or the child for the first 2 years of the child’s life. Police report shows DV between him and current partner. The judge mocked the mum in court to get a laugh out of her abuser and his solicitor - despite a screen being up in the room to protect her from his intimidation. Disgusting behaviour. The family courts are not fit for purpose and despite SS clearing mum of all allegations against her, and all of the above relating to dad it seemed heavily weighted in his favour. Male judges seemed to be in his favour, female ones in hers. 2 Male judges on different hearings told her she needed to sort it out between them, and she needed to basically submit to her abuser’s demands - which most people know isn’t appropriate where there has been DV. I can’t believe what I’ve witnessed over the last year and I’ve completely lost faith in the legal system after this. He used the courts as a way to continue his abuse and they let him.

This is all very recent and raw so sorry if it comes across in my post. I’m still raging about the injustice, while keeping my calm face for mum, who I’ve been trying to support through proceedings.

Thank you for sharing, it’s helpful to have some understanding of how it’s been for other people. I’m trying not to comment too much on the points you’ve raised about him but I see you! You’re brave.

And that is a real risk in some cases. It also seems like luck of the draw in the Judge you get on the day. It’s all so unpredictable.

If you feel that way I can only imagine how mum feels. You’re a good friend. Love to you both and hoping there’s more peace in the future.