"Couple time" when you have 10-13 yr old(s)

[SlightlyHassled]

If you are a two-adult household with one or more children age 10-13, I would love to know how much uninterrupted couple time you get (ie without your children) in an average week please.

DH feels hard done by because he thinks everyone else with children this age gets lots and we don't. I suspect others have considerably less than he thinks as most children this age are no longer tucked up in bed by 7.30pm. If I can give him anecdotal evidence that we are less far from average than he thinks, it will make him feel a lot happier. (We have had the same problem in relation to other issues.) He & his friends / colleagues don't talk about children much so he tends to make unfounded assumptions about life in other households and then stresses about how life for us is worse than "normal" without understanding what a "normal" range of situations might look like.

We have 2 children age 10 (nearly 11) and 13.5.

We have a 12yo. Once she's gone to bed (9 - 9:30ish) we usually watch a bit of TV and chat, so I'd say about an hour a night just us.
We rarely do much together alone. We did have a night away together earlier in the year, and another one coming up, but that was the first time since before covid.

So to answer your question, very little really.

Pretty much zero unless we decide to give up our (already inadequate) sleep. DC 2, age 8, goes to bed at around 8pm and wakes up around 6 (usually with a middle of night wake up as well). But DC 1, age 12, is a night owl, so up til 10 or later most nights, and wakes up 7.30.

DH is a morning person, so he's up at 6 with DC2, has a long day at work and is then well and truly ready to get into bed by 10.

I'm NOT a morning person so I'm on DC1 duty at night time, shepherding (nagging) them through the getting to bed process and getting up with DC2 if it's before 1am. If it's after 1am we share.

We're hoping to spend time with each other when the kids are old enough to go out of an evening occasionally!

We are two adults with one dc that age. She does a sport 4 times per week, luckily with her friend and each training session lasts 2 hours so we share lifts. That's dh and I intimate time.

Aside from that we get free time every evening from 9.30 to watch a series. When she has a sleepover we win the jackpot. Obviously we reciprocate. Im sure it's harder with two tweens though.

We have 5 dc aged between 9 and 17. Dh works from home and I am a sahm so when they are at school and college we occasionally get some us time. At the moment it's the summer holidays so it's much harder.

Honestly we are ships that pass in the night. Probably why we get on so well 🤣. Dh works away during the week and weekends are mainly tag teaming dc and own sports commitments.

We have lots of time together when they're at school - dog walks, occasional pub lunches or lunch in the garden, gardening etc. But during the school holidays not so much!

None or very little . We don't have any family around us and haven't for a long time. The last time we had a night in our own was last year when my parents came to visit , before that it was February 2020. We do occasionally go out on our own for a few hours but that's it.

Single mum, so a bit different. DD 11 is expected to go up and do her own thing around 8pm at night. We are together all day every day, even more so now it's the holidays. She doesn't have to go to sleep then but I do need my own time to unwind daily. I watch a couple of movies and go to sleep. If I get that uninterrupted (some nights) I’m happy.

Kids ages 6,10 and 12. Kids start bedtime routine at 730. Must be in bed by 8. Younger straight to sleep the older two can read in bed for a while. Dh and I have time together from 8. The weekend we let them stay up and watch a movie together.

Thanks for the replies. 🙂

Very little! Both work FT out of the home, young teen DC doesn't go to bed much before us.

It's not easy is it. We are the same.

DD13 goes up to bed at pretty much the same time as us during the school holidays. And not much earlier when it's school.

2 kids age 12 and 14. We are starting to get more time together now. After dinner kids spend some evenings with us, others they spend part with us and part in their rooms doing their own thing. On weekends the kids can stay home on their own if they don't want to do what we are doing, so we have had a few trips to shops etc or a lunch without them. We have even had a couple of dinners out without them. It's a nice balance.

are you talking couple time, or Couple Time?
Either way, in term time they have an all day Saturday activity, so we can spend time together then. And now the youngest is 12 we've just started to feel comfortable to go out in the evening alone, although we don't do this often. But in the holidays one or other of them is usually around, and evenings to ourselves at home are very much a thing of the past.

We have a 12yo and a 7yo. No time alone together really. Neither DC sleeps well, they take ages to go off to sleep. DS2 gets up most nights and gets into our bed. We have family nearby but neither set of grandparents are willing to babysit or have them overnight. We had a night away in a hotel together when DS1 was 2, and have had a couple of nights out, the most recent was about 6 years ago; that's it in almost 13 years.

Either of those two options!

Ds is 3, but he is never fallen asleep at 7.30pm yet! It’s 8.30cm now here and despite being out and about all day he’s still awake. I’m laying with him to sleep. So by the time he’s snoozing it’s gone 9pm and I’m knackered so dh and I go to bed soon after.
Im hoping by 12 years he can go to sleep alone ( and not wake up several times and then join us in bed at some point).

I don’t think we ever get evenings free. It’s 9pm before child free, then it’s tidy/ finish up work/ go to bed.. I think we last sat down together for a few hours about 4 years ago before Ds was born.

Not much evening time ( perhaps an hour or so) but weekends they are out with their friends so a bit more space then.

I was wondering about this but more to do with sex. DD 10 goes to bed at 8 on school nights but doesn't fall asleep that well. She goes at 10 on weekends and holidays which makes it difficult

We have an 11 and a 12 year old and we get quite a lot of time alone together.

They're upstairs by 9.45 and in bed an hour later and we don't hear from them until the morning so we get every evening together on the sofa.

On a morning, they get themselves up and fed and don't disturb us unless there's a problem so we have time in bed alone together then too, on school holidays and at weekends.

Because of our work arrangements, we have quite a few days together when they're at school. We use that time to talk, eat together, go to the shops together or just hang about the house together.

Hmm we have a 13 & 15 yr old here. Neither spend much time with us downstairs of an evening other than dinner. So DH & I have plenty of time to watch tv or chat etc in the living room. But getting alone time is another matter! We car hardly get it on on the sofa like we did 25 years ago although DH would disagree I'd be so worried one of the kids would walk in! The kids tend to go to bed same time as us when not at school so if we go to bed that's even more of a worry that they'll hear us!! It's not easy OP!

Not much. They're 12 & 13. Sometimes they stay in their rooms watching tv upstairs while we're downstairs, but they could walk in at any time!

We can also leave them and go out for a few hours without any worries but we'd be at a restaurant or at the cinema/theatre, so not really alone time, either.

Kids 10 and 13.
They wake early and go to bed 9.30 nudging 10pm far too often. By then I'm done and not feeling sociable at all.
They are never both out at the same time so we are virtually never alone.
However, we do both WFH in jobs where we are measured on performance not hours, so we carve out some daytime nooky about once a week if we're lucky.
Actual time just enjoying each others company sans kids, like a night out, or, a night in (I wish)... God, ermmmm once every blue moon. 🤔