Date nights, how are people managing??

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I have a just turned 3 DD and a 5 month old DD. DD1 was born in lockdown and we basically did it all by ourselves apart from my mum popping over as and when it seemed allowed! She’s always been very attached, ebf and never took a bottle. I’ve literally just weaned her on her 3rd birthday last week or I think she would have just kept going. DD2 is also ebf and did take expressed milk from a bottle to start with but now doesn’t. DD1 was an awful sleeper and the only way we all got any decent sleep(rest with my eyes closed) was eventually bedsharing. So I bedshare with her still and co sleep with DD2 in her next to me and me in the middle. DH sleeps in another room as he works full time and also snores like a bear so I don’t mind!

Anyway, my point is, this works for us but doesn’t give us much flexibility. I genuinely don’t mind our sleep arrangements but I don’t know anyone else who seems to do this. Most mums I know have date nights, weekends away, hen dos away etc and I just have no idea how to go about getting an evening away let alone us both being able to go out together? I’ve been away from DD1 for one night only and that was to have my second baby! And she had my mum and my DH at home as he had to go home while I staying in the maternity unit overnight. She cried a lot before sleep but slept alright. Is it just a case or doing it and upsetting them? How do you all do it? Luckily my DH and I have a great relationship and we’re happy and don’t really need date nights but I’d like them to be an option again soon as we miss them! TIA!

Do you and DH go out for a date in the evenings already? As that would be the starting point rather than go straight into going away for the weekend. I have a 4 year old and 1 year old twins. The twins often bed share with us... although we try not too. But if we go out in the evenings I find it easier to get all 3 children asleep and then go out for a meal at 8pm. Rather than leaving someone else to settle them to bed... although we have done that a little (sometimes unsuccessfully).

In terms of going away would your mum be happy staying at yours so the children can sleep in their normal beds? But tbh if we want a night away I tend to split the children up between grandparents! Divide and conquer (or at least try)!

Not able too offer much in terms of advice as I'm still in your boat although coming out of the other side slightly lol.
Dd is 5, only left her for one night when I had Ds who has just turned 2 and ebf both. 2yo still v dependent on bf evenings and nighttimes and we all co sleep which we are happy with. He is just getting to the point where my partner can settle him so I have been able to attend a couple of evening do's this summer but I still haven't left him for the whole night.
We went out for a lunch just the two of us recently and that might be your best option right now (grandparents have him in the day when I'm at work so he was used to that and actually it was nice to go out just the two of us without worrying that he would get too upset).
I know some people leave their babies/children from early on and they're fine but for us we are taking it slow and know eventually we'll get our evenings of freedom back. For now it's date lunches together and for me the start of socialising occasional evenings with friends for the first time in over 5yrs 😂😂

Oh this is nice knowing I’m not alone! Non of my close friends have kids and the people I know and have on things like Facebook and instagram seem to go out and leave their babies somewhere 😅 we have the odd date afternoon as DD1 is a nursery 3 days a week so when DH uses holiday days or has an odd day off we can utilise it but now these involve a baby again 😂 I feel like DD1 might be getting to the point I could have nana come and do a night with her but obviously it’ll be too soon for DD2. Just boggles my mind how some babies are left with others from just being a couple of months old for the night as my 2 would never have accepted that! Thanks for your advice and solidarity! Nice to know it’s not just me!

My life opened up the minute I stopped cosleeping and BFing, and my DD went into her own room at 10 months (all happened in one weekend and not through my own design or planning).

It means we’ve gone away overnight and she’s gone up to my grandparents, her older teen sibling has stayed at home with the monitor while we’ve gone out for drinks, I’ve been away alone while my partner stays home etc etc - none of this was possible (or felt possible, I should say) while we were still cosleeping and BFing.

It will be harder with two, so your time together will be rare but hopefully more special! It’s great you’ve weaned your 3 year old but I’d tackle getting her to sleep in her own bed.

Then when your youngest is ready, get them into their own bedroom too.

And once they’re eating well you can leave for the night (possibly just you alone though, to begin with) and be confident they won’t need the night feeds for calories.

Good luck!

We don't do date nights, never had a night out with DH for 5 years. We probably could have managed it before DC2 was born, as DC1 is a good sleeper. But DC2 isn't a great sleeper yet and I don't like the thought of her waking to someone else. I BFd DC1 until 3.5 years and I plan to do the same with DC2. TBH I like to be the one doing the bedtime routine etc with the dc so I'm not really desperate to be going out and having someone else doing that anyway.

The other thing is that I'm quite a private person so I wouldn't like someone being in our house looking after the dc, like a paid babysitter or certain members of our family. Eventually I'm sure we'll have some nights out, when the dc are a bit older and more independent, but for now we have our little bubble and I quite like being needed by them.