10 month old worse than a newborn….

[sparky101]

I’m absolutely not coping anymore…

My son is 10 months tomorrow. Since 4 months old he has never slept well. Up every 1-2 hours. We started to get 4 hours at the start of the night then hourly wakeups after midnight for a few weeks but these past couple weeks he has been up every half an hour. I’m going insane. My partner can’t settle him, he won’t allow it. I usually feed him once in the night and the rest of it is spent rocking, singing, shush patting etc. HOWEVER at 1:30 am ish he wakes up for 2.5 hours.

The sleep deprivation is making me suicidal.
It makes me an impatient angry mum and partner. Closed off and miserable. I feel like a terrible mum who doesn’t even know her own son well enough to get him to sleep. What if his lack of sleep is going to harm him and it’s my fault.

i feel like no one has a baby this bad, all my friends complain when their baby wakes up once or early….

Its like I’ve tried everything. Looked at everything on google, paid hundreds for a sleep consultant- her advice fixed his naps but nothing else.

He has just started walking which I guess might not help but can u really blame learning a new skill when he hasn’t slept well in months? I’m actually asking lol.

not sure if relevant but he naps 1 hr in morning then 1.5 in the afternoon. Last nap ends by 3:30 bed between 7-7:30

idk the whole purpose of this post- I just want to feel like I’m either not alone, Hear success stories or someone else to tell me what to do….

Hi there, my 13 month old was and is still an awful sleeper much like you describe it's really tough isn't it and I'm loosing my mind too and getting angry at him with the lack of sleep. I think perhaps cut one so or try earlier because waking up at 330 is quite late to then do a 7 bedtime. Maybe he just isn't tired by the time he wakes up in the middle of the night?

First, it WILL eventually be better. Hold onto that thought. You will get through this.

Have you considered seeing GP? It might be possible to go down the route of melatonin gummies if it is really that damaging to you.

Even if he won't settle for your partner, if he's up for hours and not settling for you, you need to divide the time so that you get 4 hours sleep. Let him pick whichever shift suita him best as he'll probably have a shit time of it.....

Can you afford a night nanny for a week to give you some recovery time? Or one night a week for a month or two?

I thought I was totally winning a parenting until 10 months, but the walking and climbing just seemed to change everything. Suddenly everything was hard and I was no longer able to get anything else done when he was awake, and could rely on naps or bedtime to get anything done then either! I'm not sure if this will apply to you but the best thing was when he started nursery! Sorry I have no advice, but it's definitely not just you

Unfortunately my DS couldn’t stay asleep until he learnt to fall asleep by himself (sleep training).

We used the Ferber method. I always advise people to download the e book and read it so you understand what you’re doing and why.

It was literally a miracle and our lives changed overnight. It involved about 20 minutes of crying the first night (in total - not in one go), but that was nothing compared to the amount of time my DS used to spend crying while waking and being settled before we tried it.

I know people have strong feelings about sleep training but it’s the best thing I ever did. My DS is 2 now and still goes to sleep by himself within minutes (no crying) and sleeps all night. People I know who didn’t sleep train are still up in the night with toddlers and I don’t know how they cope with years of broken sleep.

I’m feeling for you. I’ve had two bad sleepers.

both have woken in the night for hours. My oldest is so sensitive to naps, if she sleeps for too long or too late that can affect her. I would bring the last nap forward so there is a bigger wake window before bed. It also happens when they are learning a new skill, so I give them plenty of unstructured play time and try to work out what they want to learn. For my youngest, he wakes with tooth pain for hours, by the time I worked it out it would be too late and he’s wide awake. So after two nights of waking I would pre empt and give him some nurofen baby on his 10pm feed and hope that sees him through.

It’s really tough, but they are just phases. My oldest slept through as soon as I stopped breastfeeding around 18 months, before that she would wake multiple times a night.

The best advice I have for you is to rest when you can. Sleep or just chill out during nap time and nap at the weekends or when your partner is around. Try and catch up where you can

I know you said you’ve had a sleep consultant. Does this mean you have done some sleep training with your baby? The Ferber method hugely improved sleep for us. We did the Ferber method at 6mo and he improved to putting himself to sleep and only waking once or twice a night. By 12mo he slept through 95% of the time (still the case at 17mo).

I know sleep training is such a taboo topic on mn, but for us a few nights of it for regular sleep afterwards was completely worth it. Being able to fall asleep by himself made the world of difference (and also means my partner and I get couple time in the evenings rather than spending an hour feeding/rocking to sleep which is bliss!). My DS will still wake if he needs something/has a nightmare/is in pain and we’ll go straight in to comfort him, but he won’t wake every hour just to have two minutes on the boob as he was doing before.

OP I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not a bad mum, the baby years are tough tough tough.

Have you got people around to help you? I had my mum to stay one night and it really helped me cope with a bad night with baby. Maybe schedule a few people in to stay with you?

Have you contacted the health visitor for advice?

Is he eating well? Could it be that he’s hungry?

Does he have a solid bedtime routine and good sleep associations?

Our baby sleeps unusually well, but she went through a short, one week regression, until we realised her bedtime was no longer working for her. She’s 8m and we now do:
7am awake
8am nap
11am nap
2pm nap
6pm bedtime

However, if she falls asleep (even for a second!) after her 2pm nap, we have hell to pay!

The frequent waking is a bit more complicated but for the long period awake I'd look at sleep pressure. (I'm a sleep consultant and this is how I'd address it) you say approx 2.5h day sleep and 7/7:30 bedtime. So then I'd look at morning wake time - and work out 24h sleep. For example if sleeping til 7am this is 12h night (minus 2.5h awake) so 9.5h +2.5h day sleep = 12h total in 24h. At this age average range is 12-14 hours in 24 so potentially low sleep needs? May need naps capping/earlier wake time/later bed to build more sleep pressure and avoid the long period awake! Google split nights for more detail!

Aww bless you, you sound such a devoted mummy but your situation sounds SO tough!

Can I ask, what is the reason for feeding him only once in the night? Would feeding him more maybe help him settle?

What are his sleeping arrangements?
DD1 hated her cot, so we pushed the cot next to the bed with the side off, so I could have her close and she settled much better, could you try that?

I would really recommend speaking to your health visitor or GP ASAP, especially as you say you feel suicidal

It sounds like urgent change is needed, if you can't get enough sleep in the night you need someone to help you by caring for baby in the day so you can sleep, maybe a childminder, nanny if you can afford it, if not a family member, friend or even DH needing to take time off work?

I really hope things improve for you soon xx

When he wakes up is he crying and / or seem in pain or uncomfortable? What do you think he wants when waking or unsure? I sympathise. I've had two poor sleepers. If nothing else, know that it does get better with time.

Melatonin gummies for a 10 month old with frustrating but normal sleep issues? What have I just read.

Medicating your child to sleep at that age is bonkers. Its also not needed as the level of waking is within the range of normal. And even if you were going down that route gummy sweets would not be safe for a baby that's only started eating solid for a few months ago.

Absolutely bonkers.

What happens if you bring him into bed with you? I always took the path of least resistance and it's worked out fine (in that I now have a child who I can say goodnight to and falls asleep and stays asleep all night).