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Original poster

Dummy Fairy regret

17 replies

DisneyGirl2329 · 17/08/2023 07:22

The dummy fairy came yesterday afternoon in exhange for some presents. My DS is 3 in November. Only has his 'ninny'for naps and bedtime but I'm paranoid about it affecting his teeth. We had done lots of prep beforehand. Anyway, first night without it was awful. He was so tired he was writhing around so upset and just couldn't sleep. He was trying to suck his arm or fingers for comfort. He eventually went sleep after 2 and a half hours. It broke my heart knowing that it was me doing this to him (even though it is for his own good). He was awake in the night and came into our bed and then cried for his ninny this morning.'please can I have it back Mummy?' I'm worried I've done the wrong thing. Do I ride the storm? Do I buy a special night time only dummy? I was so certain it was the right thing to do but know I'm having second thoughts. I have literally taken away his comfort and the only thing that gets him to sleep. I don't know what to do.

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DustyLee123 · 17/08/2023 07:24

You’ve done the worst night. Keep going.

90yomakeuproom · 17/08/2023 07:25

Don't go back now. This time next week it'll be so much better.

Sundayrain · 17/08/2023 07:27

My DS only had his for sleep but by 3 his teeth ended up arching around it. I felt absolutely terrible. They did correct themselves after we took it away, thank goodness. You are doing the right thing, stick with it!

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Ostryga · 17/08/2023 07:27

Definitely ride the storm! Going back now is pointless because you’re going to have to do it eventually. He will be fine. This time next week he won’t even give it a second thought, promise.

Aria20 · 17/08/2023 07:28

Keep going, it gets easier. My dd was a similar age when the dummy fairy came and it's hard to see them unsettled. By the third night my dd stopped asking.
Ps my dentist said thumb suckers often have worse teeth as they continue much longer and you can't take a thumb away!

Sprogonthetyne · 17/08/2023 07:29

If you go back now then last night was for nothing

Original poster

DisneyGirl2329 · 17/08/2023 07:29

Thank you for your replies. It is literally what I needed to hear. My stomach has been tying itself in knots all night!

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Soubriquet · 17/08/2023 07:30

See we did this when dd turned 3 and over night her behaviour changed. She went from being a confident little girl to extremely sensitive and fragile.

We gave it back and gave her a couple more weeks with it. When we tried it the second time, she was much better and didn’t bother asking for it again.

DeadSouth · 17/08/2023 07:34

I was absolutely terrified of doing this with DD2 as DD1 was breastfed and when I took away night time comfort nurses at 2 she was a complete drama queen but my second daughter (only baby to actually accept a dummy) burst one with her teeth at a year and a half and didn’t like the feel of them any more.

I have the upmost sympathy for you, you’ve done the worst night it really will get better from here it’s bloody heartbreaking seeing them so upset over their usual comforts.

Strathyre · 17/08/2023 08:12

Just following as we may have a visit from the dummy fairy soon ... and starting from a point of not great sleep!

puffincarpet · 17/08/2023 10:05

Keep going, you're through the worst night. The first week is hard but you're doing it for the right reasons. There are lots of 4+ year olds that went to my DDs preschool that have significant dental issues attributed to over use of a dummy, or still having one. These issues effect their ability to bite food!

If you haven't already, try to transfer some of this attachment and comfort to something else, like a special blanket or a teddy. Going out and letting him choose one himself can be helpful. My DD used to stroke blankets when she was tired so soft fleecy items were nicer for her. I wouldn't give the dummy back whilst you work on transferring attachment, as he will learn it comes back when he asks and ideally you don't want that.
An extra story or one on one time at bedtime can also help to distract from it not being there. Some children like to feel like a 'big boy' or 'big girl' by going out and choosing some special new bedding.

Did the dummy fairy leave him anything in exchange for the dummy, like a toy he wanted? You could do that retrospectively. Something really special that he will really like. Be aware that after a day he could say he wants to give that back and have his dummy back anyway.

After maybe a week our daughter went to bed fine without it, would occasionally ask for it but no tears. She mentioned it again recently as we bought some dummies for the baby we are expecting (she hasn't had it for over a year), but she will be getting some presents "from the baby" to sweeten the deal.

Tippley · 17/08/2023 10:07

Honestly you've done the right thing, once they're super attached to it there isn't an ideal time, you're throught the worst of it now. DS was a dummy fiend and wish we'd bitten the bullet before we did (we did the dummy fairy just after his 3rd birthday); after an unsettled night and asking for it the next day it was fine. We did let him choose a toy when he'd been a week free from it.

Screamingabdabz · 17/08/2023 10:09

We left ours until they actually went to nursery regularly. They had to leave them in their bag while they were there and that weaned them off. They had perfect teeth and they were high flyers academically. They had no problem with language skills.

Each to their own but we preferred them to have comfort as young children. They’ll grow out of them one way or another eventually.

MorrisZapp · 17/08/2023 10:15

Mine used a dummy until he started school 🤣🤣🤣 only had it for a few minutes at night then it fell out as soon as he was asleep. I wouldn't take anything away from him that he needed comfort from, I'm a weak parent but I can't do it any other way. He has a brace but it isn't related to dummy use.

My poor mother. She was mortified to have a dummy using grandchild 🤣

Aha87 · 17/08/2023 22:05

I really sympathise! We’ve been through this and have posted about it before. Unfortunately my 3yo DD was so unsettled when we took the dummy away and she barely slept for the two weeks we persisted. She became incredibly anxious and sad (probably linked to not sleeping). So we gave it back as I just couldn’t see her suffering like that.

I think every kid is different and for us it just wasn’t a case of riding through the first few difficult nights - if anything things were getting progressively worse. We’ll try again soon with a bit more prep and see how it goes. Listen to your instincts and whatever you feel is best for your child. Good luck xx

Jasperdale · 17/08/2023 22:10

Not a popular opinion but I would just get him another one. They lose the sucking reflex at about age 5 and are unable to keep it in their mouths so will give it up naturally. This comes form someone who was where you are with both my kids and only found this out afterward. My teenage daughter is still traumatized and vows big to use a dummy for any future kids due to how awful it is when they are taken away 😂

Original poster

DisneyGirl2329 · 18/08/2023 20:39

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond! We did swap dummies for gifts and included a new comforter too although he's never been into teddies and snuggly things. Last night I cheated and he fell asleep in the car so I just transfered him to bed! Today he's asked for his 'ninny' a few times but hasn't cried. He's asleep now and although it took longer than usual it wasn't traumatic at all so fingers crossed we are on the up! I've still not chucked his dummies away though (just in case) they are in a mug at the back of the fridge. Ha!! X

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