Is this a "snowflake" request?

[Abysmally]

Hello all!
I am just gonna get down to it. SO I know parenting is hard- I didn't expect it to come easy. I've been parenting for the past 8 years, trying my best everyday, never taking time for myself, but recently I've been letting everyone around me down. My mental health is in the gutter and asking just for 30 minutes alone time (23h30 with kiddies) is too much. I have been doing this on my own, no downtime, no one to try take some weight from my shoulders. I've been "phasing out", withdrawn to my little corner, burnt out. I ask for help but get ignored, miss a small detail get told I suck at parenting, everything is my fault. This post is probably nonsensical so I will just ask this: I need 30 mins alone per day, is this unreasonable, is it too much to ask and if I am okay in asking for this How do I DO IT?

Who are you asking this from? Do you not have any childcare options? No playgroups even for a couple of hours where you can leave the children every so often?

if you have family or friends, just ask! If they say no then you know!

I think I’m a good mum, but my god I need that time on my own, and bedtime/nap time doesn’t count as you’re still responsible for the tiny humans!

Who is telling you that you suck at parenting??! Do you have a dh? How old are your kids and can you go back to work part time to have a change of scene?

Can you send the kids to a play scheme for a few hours every day?

To answer your question, no of course it's not too much to ask, you should get much more time off the kids than that altogether in the week - and depending on the ages it's good for the kids to be looked after by a different adult sometimes

Who are you asking?
If it's the kid(s) your are probably being unreasonable.
If it's a partner, then you need to sit down and discuss how to do it.
If it's friends /family, then yes you can ask for help, but they are under no obligation to provide childcare.
Are you working or a sahm?
Are all the DCs at school?

Who are you asking for help?
How old are the kids?
And are you tied to a specific time?

Depending on what time the kids wake /go to bed, there may be opportunities there, but I'm guessing you are after half an hour in the middle of the day to reset yourself?

Of course you're not being a snowflake asking for 30 minutes to yourself. That's an entirely reasonable expectation. Reading between the lines, is this your partner/husband who is making you feel like this?

This doesn't really make sense, surely your dc are not awake day in /day out for 23.5 hrs a day. If you have been doing this for 8 years are some dc in school?

Sorry I should have mention this:
I asked my husband, he just ignored me, when I did eventually get to talk to him about it he said "then go out, no one is stopping you!" I went out the door- just outside, took a breathe, reveling in the clean air... only to turn around and find the kids have followed me. Not alone time, nor was hubby helpful. This has happened several times, so I stopped asking, stopped trying to slip away too. The kids have this built in "mummy tracking radar"

My family aren't an option ,my mum is being a mum to my sister's kids and we live far away from them.
SAHM with no friends and no playgroups. Oldest is 8, going to school which helps a bit but my 2 year old is a wild child.

I think the main things that will change your situation might be:

Get a part time job
Leave the useless dh

Oh, you need to properly go out. As your husband is there, you just get your bag and go and take a walk/sit in a cafe/see a friend. Take at least 2 hours.

You don’t need to be a martyr to be a good parent

Its school holidays at the moment which is tough so everything probably feels worse right now...once your eldest goes back to school, things will ease up a little. Can you get your two year old in nursery even just for a few hours a week?

You’re husband said to go out, so go out 🤷🏻‍♀️
Sorry if i’m missing the point here op. I’m getting the impression that generally he’s not attentive to your needs? Is that the bigger issue?

Otherwise yes, go out! If you step outside the door of course your 2 year old will follow you. Mine is the same. Get out and leave dh to it.

Also maybe look at a part time job that will regulary give you a change of scenery, so to speak

Your request is not unreasonable but you do need to help yourself too. That is said with kindness and sympathy!

*your

I don't understand- put your coat on, leave the house and go and do something else for an hour!

You have backed yourself into a corner by trying to be a perfect Mother. This is an unobtainable dream, no woman can be that. The only person that can fix this is you. You have to learn to be human, tell the children no, make a date with yourself every week, plan to go out one night even if it is only to a coffee shop or the library, every month take a morning to go shopping on your own. Your children will survive. In fact you certainly need to be encouraging your eldest to be more independent. I bet your DH doesn't do much and probably because he feels redundant as you have strived to show the world you are the perfect mum, he probably feels he isn't allowed to parent. Let him do his job. You need to talk and work things out. He was right when he said nobody is stopping you going out, the only person doing the stopping is you.

Gym is you friend.
I used to book DC into the crèche for an hour and exercise mindlessly (walking on treadmill type stuff).
It saved my sanity until I went back to work.
Mind you, I sucked as SAHP and went back to work as quickly as possible.

You dc are 2 &8 their "Mummy tracking radar" will not extend to the pub/cafe/cinema/book group/gym/wherever. You have a dh who has said for you to go out, so go out. What's the situation with friends and play groups? They were so important to me as a SAHM.

Get bag. Go out. Go far away enough they can't follow you.

When my children were toddlers I used to LOVE (and get excited about) going to the supermarket alone.

I know that sounds sad, but it's true. Kill several birds with one stone.

• I get at least 90 minutes child-free every week
• I do the weekly grocery shopping without distraction
• I'd browse the clothing, homeware, toy department
• I might get a coffee and cake in the cafe

I would say you need way more than 30minutes! I have a 1 and 5 year old so feel you. Do you not get alone time when they are in bed? What does your DH do? Could they go to nursery? How old are they? Deffo not normal or healthy to be with the kids 24/7 IMO, I’d be burnt out as well

Yes, you’re being a snowflake.
Not because you want 1/2h on your own, but because you’re moaning about it but not doing anything about it!
Just tell your DH you’re going out for an hour and leave. Honestly, it’s not rocket science.

You'll have to go further than the garden to get away from a toddler. Are there any nice cafe's near by? I'd head there with my book for an hour every few days when DH was home.

Are there any clubs you can join? It's very minimal where I live so might be the same for you.

Walking has become my outlet. I walk for about 2 hours a day and that's my 'me' time. My husband knows the drill. He also gets 'his' time as well.

What the point of having a husband if you can't share responsibilities? He's useless my dear so you might as well be a single mum.

Your children are old enough that one must assume their father is capable of looking after them without killing them, but you sound as if you're still stuck at the newborn can't leave them stage. It's not healthy.
Make a plan. Everything you need in your bag, place to go - coffee shop with a good book. Tell husband - I'm going out at 10, should be back by 12. Then go. Stop worrying if you can. Much of this is in your head which doesn't mean it isn't real, it's just not real in the way you think it is.
Panic message from husband - little one has pooed nappy - reply - wipes are in the bathroom. Older child is hungry - feed child, kitchen is just down the hall, have you missed it?

You need to break this mad pattern. Come on girl, you are not a snowflake, you are a whole human being!