Do these sound like asd behaviours (girl)?

[sunstars]

Aversion to sudden loud noises - panicky, tearful, hands over ears reaction. Risk averse (mainly due to noise?) - Doesn’t like things other same age kids enjoy - cinema, bowling alley, fairground. Can’t sleep at sleepovers, prefers quiet bedtime.
Nail biting/fingers in mouth a lot of the time.
Takes a while to warm up socially even with family/friends - initially shy / avoids eye contact, hides behind parents.
Worries about getting told off at school but is perfect student.
Competitive nature, hard on own self.

In contrast..
Early talker/walker/reader, generally works at greater depth at school, excels with writing and English.
No concerns from nursery, infant or junior school.
Sleeps well.
Fairly adventurous eater.
Generally fine with routine changes.
Makes and keeps friends, understands social cues, jokes, sarcasm etc. Similar interests to friends of same age.
Good co-ordination with variety of sports etc.

Might be more sensory processing than asd

Sounds more sensory or anxiety related as opposed to ASD.
How old is she?

Could be anxiety/shyness? How old is she? My dd is autistic and showed the following traits from a young age:
Ate only beige food
Over stimulated in supermarkets
No friends
Couldn't follow social cues
Meltdowns after school
Stimming at home
Hated change

She was also an early talker with no issues at school, understands jokes and can make eye contact no problem. She's also very outgoing. However at home it was fairly obvious she was different.

I would say that the following social cues could be masking

So hard to tell with girls...this is the best information I've found on the presentation so autism in girls. It's long but worth a read.

autisticgirlsnetwork.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Keeping-it-all-inside.pdf

Sometimes girls are so adept at masking (often apart from the sensory stuff) that it's hard to spot traits until much later on. How old is your DD?

My dd didn't get diagnosed until 14 but she is always socialble and can make and keep friends. Girls mask very well also. However she can obsess over 1 particular friend at a time.

Thinking back when younger she had sensory issues, still does, likes about 10 foods. Hates smells, cried in a restaurant that smelled of garlic.
Hate's some clothes, still has never warn jeans.
Would never sit still for story time at the end of play groups. ( Contrast to now as lucky if moves at all) . Wouldn't sit in a restaurant would go into meltdown.

Sure others that I have forgotten.

Sociable even.

It sounds like she's just highly sensitive. The highly sensitive child by Elaine Aron might help with understanding her

You’ve described my dd perfectly. Sociable, chatty, talked early. Terrified of getting told off. She has an ASD diagnosis.

Oh yes this.

Still does hate it but now avoids which has resulted in school avoidance at 15.

@Eddyraisins yeah mine started avoiding and still does avoid school 16 and 17.

I would be seeking assessment for your DD (my master’s research was around autistic girls). The girls I work with mask until around 13/14, then begin to school refuse when it all gets too much.

Highly sensitive child book I would avoid; it’s unscientific and everything she describes is autism, just the female presentation.

Highly sensitive child book I would avoid; it’s unscientific and everything she describes is autism, just the female presentation

I fit into a lot of that book, but I’m definitely not ASD. I found it quite helpful.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow Have you been assessed? If your DD is autistic then likely you are too?

(I say this as someone who was a highly sensitive child I definitely am autistic although I don’t have a diagnosis - DS1 does, however).

No, but I’ve never ever had burnout and l was always very sociable and chatty. Communication was the driver of my life.

It’s come from DH’s side.

Sounds similar to my DD who recently received a diagnosis aged 10.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I’m very sociable and extremely chatty too, as is DS1. We both require some downtime; I’ve never suffered burnout as such. DH is definitely autistic, too, but is less sociable.

The problem with autism (esp in females) is that a chatty/fun personality is usually a person’s presenting ‘face’, and it means that ND isn’t considered/is immediately ruled out. A lot of the women in my family are extremely sociable and play down their struggles (another autistic trait).

I’ve done loads of online tests and never come anywhere near. I love meeting new people, but l do have rigid behaviours and anxiety. No communication problems at all though.

She could be autistic, or she could just be very shy, anxious, and introverted.
How old is she? Sometimes traits change and develop over time.
It's really, really hard to get a diagnosis in girls especially if they mask.
There's no harm in you looking into autism and strategies that might help her regardless. It sounds like she might benefit from ear defenders or noise reducing ear plugs depending on her age.

Thanks. She is 10.

You could be describing my DD. She got her autism diagnosis age 8.

What lead you to getting a diagnosis?

Because I could tell she was struggling, even if no one else could - she wasn't sleeping well, had night terrors, meltdowns when something unexpected happened or she thought she might be "in trouble".

I remember talking to her school about it, and them saying "but she seems fine!" I agreed, and asked them if they had any idea how hard she was working to "seem fine?"

She now masks a lot less, and understands it's ok to ask for extra support when she needs it. Her classmates in primary school have been lovely and incredibly supportive, and her confidence has gone sky high - she even auditioned for and got a lead role in the Y6 school production, which at the time of her diagnosis I would've said was impossible.

Just hoping this positive trajectory continues in secondary school. 😬

Thanks. We aren’t seeing any meltdowns at home and she doesn’t appear to be struggling with anything. She eats well, sleeps well, just back from a fortnight abroad and was fine with the routine changes. Excels at school, happy with her extra curricular stuff. I read all through the link posted above and so much of it doesn’t seem relevant. But I have this niggling doubt about some of her reactions (anxious) which are mainly around some sudden noise, or around things going wrong. I have no anxiety at all so I can’t say I relate to it but she is similar to her Dad in that respect.

Sounds more like sensory processing or as others have said anxiety related rather than ASD from what you've said.